What is it that I want?
What is it that we all want, do we want security and stability. Those two words can mean completely different things, depending on what your lifestyle is. Depending on what your needs are. We have been led to believe that we have a lot of needs, it seems that the list gets longer and longer as time goes by. We are bombarded with so much information informing us what we need to live healthy and happy lives. Suddenly are lives are so much easier if we have certain things. Suddenly our lives are so much more comfortable if we invest in certain objects. Suddenly we need other people to tell us what we need.
Well maybe not all of us. For some the answer is easy. Some of us see, that all we really need, are our basic needs met in order to survive and thrive, especially on a individual basis. But things get a little more complicated when we bring another person into the picture. When we start to have a relationship with some one, we suddenly find ourselves projecting some of our needs on to them. There was a time when community would help to met our needs, a supportive community that is. But what if we enter a relationship where we place all of our emotional needs, all on one person. When we give ourselves over to that person and expect them to be our partner, our best friend, our lover, our support, our rock. Are we asking too much, are we demanding too much of one person?
I am a mother, my children take most of my time and my energy and it has been like that since I became a mother, that is the way in which I choose to be a parent. Being a parent is one of the most important vocations/jobs/role (however you want to call or identify with it) in the world. I will proudly say that I am a devoted parent, I would do anything for my children, they are my everything. In being that person, I find it hard to find the energy and time for others, and if there is some one in my life wanting my time, desiring my time, I have not always been able to give that to them. So how does that make them feel?
If that person is feeling unloved and ignored what will they do in order to get my attention, in order to make me see them and notice them once again. They will do something that will hurt me and make me take notice. So who is to blame? Who is in the wrong?
This Moon has stirred so much in me, I sat with her for a few hours last night and I made some realizations. I understood that we expect so much of one another when we are in a relationship, that we expect them to be our everything and when they are not, when we have invested so much in to that union and we are made to feel invisible, we lash out. I shower my children with love all of the time, I tell them I love them numerous times a day and vice versa. How does that feel to some one watching, who wants to have some of that love wash over them, but yet never receives it. How does that feel?
We created children out of love, we came together and created them out of an act of love. Yet what happened to that love, where did I let it go? why did I not make time for it, to care for it and nurture it. Being a parent I have realized that I have so much love inside of me, so much to give, we all do. But love does need to be nurtured. I realize now, that, that is something I did not do and now I am the one hurting.
Big Big Thank You To @byn for designing my logo.
Oh darling, this is such a testament to your thoughtful consideration of other people. It's no one's fault and least of all not yours. However, if the person is reaching out and telling you these things, it's so kind of you to listen, and consider everything from all angles rather than outright reject what they've done. This is the more mature and more human way forward - so lovely. Relationships are hard, and take so much work, they really do, and so much nurturing. xx
thank you lovely, been doing a lot of reflecting especially yesterday, today I am more emotional so trying to be gentle with myself xx
Bravo!
I love this....
It's acceptable that there is no love like mother's love to her children, to her family.
And their effort can't be measured.
But quite unfortunate the feelings is not equal
That's is why women should not be expecting exact what we are giving out in a relationship in returns.
The expectations always hurt a lot.
thank you @hayomide x
I think it is never too late to start showing love to people who deserve it. Even after going through rough times, love is something well received no matter the circumstances.
thank you @dedicatedguy
Such a profound realization and insight. You're right about placing too much expectation on that one significant other, and also how much we moms need to learn to also lavish time & energy on our lovers who scream for our attention in different ways.... perhaps we unconsciously feel depleted and mildly resentful at always being the giver and therefore withhold? I know I have certainly have done that - and paid the price. When we lavish love and time ans attention on OUR OWN NEEDS our cup literally overflows and all this gets easier. Thank you for such an open, honest and real sharing. Hugs.
thank you @artemislives for sharing your wisdom with me
that is so true and something I am not very good at xx
But you are AWARE and that is a beginning. Filing you own cup is especially important because you need to model that for your beautiful girls. Be kind to yourself. Much love.
I have had a vicious past that left me empty and hollow... This even as I became a mum was there. I struggled to connect and remain relevant in so many people's lives even as they did nothing to keep me there. Then life took me to a place of solitude and I figured out who I was or what I could afford to give emotionally. This led me to understand that everything in life is two way and for me to in anyone's life, they too have to play a part.
yes indeed @tezmel, thank you for your insight and words xx
Aw sweet Trucklife, nothing is amiss. Everything is what it needs to be in the moment. All these feelings and concerns are very temporary. It is merely what happens as we all move into the new self, the new moment and new experience.
Nothing stays the same. All that exists is in motion and constant change. We fear so often that the unknown is going to hurt us somehow. This is often the root of the discomfort for everyone. There is a strange 'tension' in the unfolding of life, but it is nothing to fear.
For your daughters, your husband and yourself, it is all about discovering one's true self. Learning how to have calm acceptance of what is and not giving it too much meaning. The secret is, that in the moment of discomfort you don't have to do anything but breathe and trust. It will pass.
Breathe into the uncomfortable feeling and then breathe it out with each breath. If you are alone, move with it and allow it to take your body and dance the sacred movement that never existed before. Revel in being the moment, allow all that is to be as it is and become part of the movement that makes everything happen.
Just be in the moment as you breathe and move. God this moment is beautiful. Feel the beauty of what enters your body in each breath. Feel the fascination that surrounds that new moment. You are in the most beautiful cosmic dream.
Be the witness to the beauty.
When the moments are uncomfortable with a person you love, feel the moment and observe yourself experiencing the moment, relax and allow. Stretch the interaction with that other infinite being who is also discovering and creating the moment. Allow time to move at its own pace, there is nothing to rush or goal to achieve as we explore ourselves. That person is also riding "the event horizon". In fact, each new moment every single object, every atom in the Universe is in a new place. Every second is absolutely brand new.
The dream is unfolding. We don't want to ruin the surprise by trying to know the outcome. Certainly it won't be what we expect it to be. It will actually be so much better. To believe this is to make it happen.
We are here, after all, not to FIND ourselves. We are here to CREATE ourselves. Each and every moment, it is the feeling or emotion we are having that is really creating everything.
Harmony is soft, gentle and kind. Trust yourself and trust what is outside of your self. We are ALL in this together, and we're all going to be alright.
Especially the people you care about the most.
~X
this is so beautiful @steemer-x, every word you have said, I will try and remember them as the days go on, I do not know if I can work through what has happen, I have realized many things but just not that yet. It is so hard to not be with your partner after 10 years, it leaves a huge gap, an opening in your life, but I have been hurt so bad, I do not know yet if I can accept and move on together with him, only time will tell I guess, Thank you for your support and wisdom xxx
so beautifully said xx
you have such a brave heart. these words of yours take true strength to reflect upon given the circumstances .... to even be able to wade through your pain and consider the other... you have a very strong heart. i don't think you can "blame" yourself, but if there is space for something to be rebuilt (and if you both want it), reflections like these are the groundwork that allows new ways of being to take form. sending so much love your way from my rainy sunday morning <3 mama moon sure is sending some powerful messages these days.
thank you beautiful, these days are hard, but I need to think fully for the sake of me and my girls, we all are reacting to what is happening in our lives, and we are 2 separate beings at the end of the day, their is no way I can fully understand his actions, just as he can not understand mine, it is about acceptance and I am no where near that and I do not know if I will get there. xxx
Beautiful share. Ultimately we can’t take responsibility for fulfilling other people’s needs. The world will always need more than anyone outside the Self can give. Paying attention to the needs of others is important, as the infinite loves itself in all forms. But that attention doesn’t come with an obligation to do anything other than what feels inspired. It is good that it sounds like you’ve found forgiveness and understanding for someone who has harmed you. I hope you have the same for your lovely self.
thank you @indigoocean, so much wisdom has been shared with me xx
h my darling, I know exactly what you mean by this, I have and still am experiencing this with my partner and also my siblings. They all expect to have my attention as they used to have, but I dont give them that much of it, because I am giving this to my child, and I also put a lot of it into my work, but I wish I could fulfill their needs as well, pay more attention, share more, and let them know how much I love them.
It's a difficult situation, trying to fulfill the needs of others...
Sending you so much love.
xx
thank you beautiful Niina, it is so tough indeed, the love we have for our children is limitless and a completely different form to that which we give others in our family. Unconditional love truly knows no boundaries and that is exactly what a mothers love is, that is hard sometimes to explain to others, but us mothers just know xxx