Today I was sitting in class while we were having a guest speaker. Her discussion was about advocacy and being the parent or caretaker of someone with mental health. It made me think of my life growing up with a mother with Bipolar I with psychosis. She pointed out that stories are important to be told. Here is a bit of mine.
I grew up with a mother who I always thought was just a little stranger than other moms. She always had crazy hair and seemed to be the “cool” mom. When I was about 12 my mother lost her psych meds and I became like the mother. I was watching my sister from pretty much the time she woke up till she went to bed. I was making sure she was fed and that the dishes were taken care of. I was going in and making sure mom was eating and getting her out of bed when I could. It was difficult then once she did get medicated again and we moved she needed to become the mother again. I had a hard time letting her be so because I had been doing it for almost two years at that point. I had some mental health issues but this struggle really brought them out.
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I started having self harming issues and ended up in the psych hospital for a week. We found out that not only did I have PTSD, depression, and anxiety; I also had Mood Adjustment Disorder. This really just means I have Bipolar but I was to young for them to want to label me with such. The day I turned 18 they switched it to Bipolar I.
During my time in the psych hospital I learned one of my biggest life lessons. I was having a very hard time after the family counseling session and my grandfather called me from Alaska. He told me “Intelligent people have been dealing with this sort of thing for centuries. Just remember sometimes you have to play in others ballparks to get back to your own field.” To this day anytime I am having a hard time I think back to that conversation and that statement.
I decided when I got out of the psych hospital that I did not want to be like my mother and I worked hard in counseling to work on different issues. When I got a bit older it got to the point that there were symptoms I could not manage without medication and took the steps needed then to get stable on medications.
Here I am several years later, the mother of an almost 2 year old, and struggle every day with keeping all of my mental health issues managed. I make sure to take my medications every day and use all of the coping skills I have aquired from counseling as well as from other people who have similar mental health issues. I believe we all can change and make a difference.
Writing this blog has made me want to write more of my life down. I will consider this idea.
~Until we meet again:
~~GeminiMomma
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