Hello Steemverse!
Sorry I missed posting this on Monday. So much going on and busy building (hopefully a business) that they day gets away from me.
I wanted to talk a little bit about being mindful at work. This is hard for many people yet if we don't learn this early on we could be setting ourselves up for disaster.
When I was growing up being mindful was limited in a sense. The philosophy was not taught, but some actions were. I was told to be mindful of how I speak to others or how I treat others. I was never taught to be mindful of myself and the impact others have on me. When one thinks about this, it is kind of dangerous to only be given part of the equation. In chemistry, if you are missing a part you can't just wing it. It means the difference between a base and an acid. Or completely ruining the results you were trying for. There could be that lucky instance of creating something better. Missing pieces, ingredients and so forth weaken the integrity of the whole.
I am not sure how this is in the world in general, I can only speak for my part of the world, but working in customer service is hard and has gotten immensely worse over the years. It wasn't my career of choice, but I had to earn a living to take care of my kids and myself. Now it has come back and bit me in the ass.
I have never minded helping people, but I have minded when I have been treated poorly. A customer hit me, I called security. A customer screaming at me, I walked away. It was great when I was younger. I got in trouble for how I responded sometimes, but I didn't care because this was temporary.
'You just can't walk away from a customer!' Why not? 'It's rude!' They were yelling at me, that is rude. 'It doesn't matter!' So I am supposed to sit there and take it? 'Yes!' I don't think so. Nothing gives anyone the right to treat me this way. 'They spend money in the store. That money pays the bills. You are one of those bills the company pays. You will stand there and take it regardless of the abuse.'
Now I know better. WRONG. No one should ever be put in that position. A manager, coworker or even another customer who was there should have stepped in. Rather than have it escalate, I walked away. That's what I was told to do when I was younger. Someone upsets you walk away. Don't get mad, don't let them get to you, walk away. WRONG. It is rude to walk away from a customer, however I should have simply told the person I was getting a manager and then gotten one. What this did it set me up to an ongoing cycle of abuse. Thinking I had to stand there and take the abuse. So when it started at home, what did I do? I stood there and took it. Why? Because you don't walk away when someone is talking, yelling or screaming at you.
I never realized any of that until recently. I look back now and see where I could have done things differently, should have done things differently. It is extremely hard to not take things personally when someone is standing there calling you stupid. You know you're not. You know that the person doing this doesn't matter in your life in the grand scheme of things. Yet words are used that cut to the quick. That cause harm to the to the person being yelled at. After a while when I went to work I put on my 'game face.' I became another person. Friendly, personable and detached, kind of twisted too. I had found if I used a soft syrupy voice, regardless of what I said when they could not ruffle my feathers they got mad. They would get really mad. I found pleasure in that. I acted and did exactly what my employer wanted. I killed them with kindness and they would explode.
Then I learned how to twist that and make them love me before they left. When I think back now, no wonder I am demented LOL. This actually worked for years. Then my conscious got the better of me. I couldn't handle being 2 different people. All of this because I was told to be mindful of my words and how I treat others and being told I had to take abuse.
Did you know it is perfectly ok to excuse yourself from a situation? If you are feeling that you are getting upset, excuse yourself for a moment. Go get the manager, they get paid to work with the outrageous customers, you don't.
Did you know it is ok to stand up for yourself? Shocker. You can tell the other person their behavior is unacceptable. You can set boundaries. In fact, you should. The only thing you need to make sure of when this is a work situation, is how you handle yourself. You cannot and should not yell at a customer (most situations that will get you fired) You can tell them they have crossed the line and then again, get a manager.
If you are the manager, sorry. You should stand up and support your staff. You shouldn't hang them out to dry when bad situations like this occur. I've been both sides and trust me when you try to mitigate a situation and you are not a manager, regardless of your work history, it tends to make the situation worse because you do not have the tools needed to resolve the situation.
When you're at work and let's say that your boss is yelling at you for something not selling. It is not likely you have any control over what people buy and don't buy. There are so many variable to why something doesn't sell. Take that moment inside, breathe and then speak. If you blurt out in response, you lost control and you added unnecessary stress. Don't analyze or try to figure out 'What did I do?'. To start overthinking at this point will clutter your mind and chaos ensues. Talk to them. Ask what they would like to see different. What are their suggestions. Don't ask what you did wrong. More than likely you didn't do anything. Most of the time when a statement like this comes along, it is due to circumstances you are not involved in. They are looking at someone to blame.
When this is done, then shut that door and walk away. That conversation is done. There is no need to go back and stress yourself out over something of this nature. You are in control of you and when you cannot let situations like this go, that is when problems start to occur.
Each day, each moment, each interaction is new. To dwell on what happened previously increases your stress. Even if you have to do some research on a problem for a customer. Only work with that when you are working on that issue. Don't take it home with you.
My best advice, is that all of this stays out of your home. Don't discuss work details at home. It it is giving your employer free time. It is allowing that individual that gave you issues, your time and your space. Set boundaries. If you go out with coworkers, don't talk about work. If someone asks about something simply tell them you're not at work and you're not going to discuss work off of the clock.
Take your breaks. Smokers don't really have an issue here, but non-smokers do. If you have to go spend 10 minutes in the bathroom just to get away from your work area, do it. Don't each lunch at your desk. You need that time away. I always suggest and activity when you're not at your desk. Go for a walk around the parking lot. Read. Play a game on your phone. Detach yourself from the work environment. I would bring hardcover books with me to work and sit and read any chance I got. Most of the time people left me alone, I left reality behind and lived in the book for that short period of time. Take a power nap in your car. I have done this from time to time and it actually helps. I would sleep for 45 mins of my hour lunch. Me in the peace and quiet away from everyone.
There is so much that one can do to try to be mindful at work. You just have to remember to do it. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Don't let a bad workplace bring you down. Employ these little activities, keep things simple and above all no one is worth your happiness and inner peace.
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Thank you 😊
Hopefully, in the future generation, the collective mind will be expended, be aware and mindful of their thoughts. Great post @tryskele for some motivations!
I hope so. I have tried to teach my kids from the lessons I have learned. That is the best we can do. And thank you @joelai
We can only try our best!
It is so important to set work life boundaries... something it took years for me to manage. I have been lucky to have supportive bosses who havent towed the 'customer is always right' line... I definitely struggle to deal with assholes though. Its hard to be equanimous in the face of people being ignorant, nasty and rude. But they are always lessons though in how to react, or not react, as the case may be.
You get to deal with people on such a different level. I can't imagine how bad parents are, actually I can. I know for myself I tried to work with my kids' teachers. I think there should be a healthy cooperative relationship between parent and teacher. People do seem to get much more personal in this situation though.
I've always been taught to look out, but now I'm looking in
It's not an easy change. I was always taught it was selfish to think of myself before anyone else. It couldn't be further from the truth.
Working with the public is difficult, some people are pleasant then others arrive in a foul temper and take it out on staff who apparently should never hand out backchat to possible clients (nonsense you were not employed for that).
You do learn how to deal with difficult people eventually, but why should anyone be exposed to verbal abuse. Well written piece on how to take care of oneself @tryskele
Thank you @joanstewart. I have had far many more good than bad experiences, but the bad have been really bad. I actually had a person told me they were purposely taking out on me because they knew I couldn't defend myself and that they would prefer to treat me this way so they don't kick the dog when they get home. How do you not take that personally? I had to remind myself. 'It's them not me.'
A good touch of sarcasm sometimes helps to snap people out of that attacking frame of mind, learn one or two lines as back up for next time they verbally attack.
Never take words seriously remember our childhood saying - "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Very good advice @tryskele. Some lessons here, I've only just learned. Especially not taking things personally.
Hard lessons here.
Thanks for sharing them.
I am still learning @fionasfavourites. I have the worst time with not taking things personally. My brain tells me it's just sounds coming out of the other person. My heart hears it and wonders why they chose us to hurt.
I get you. And I had that happen on Steemit yesterday when I commented on Markymark's post about Jerry Banfield. How could it be personal? They neither know me nor did they read what I had said. So. Ignore it all and move on. There are other, good people to be concerned about
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Customer service is a tough gig, I did it for 5 years at the post office @tryskele. On Mondays the same complaints, from the same people, started my day off. I enjoyed helping the nice people, the others I just figured I couldn't make them happy no matter what I did. 🤔
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Well a fellow postal employee! I had 30 years there!
Congratulations, it was fun while it lasted. 😁
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I enjoyed most of my time - the last 2 years "sucked" which is why I retired at 58!
I left 8 days shy of my 55th birthday and took the $15k incentive. My best decision ever! 🙏 That was in 2013, it's hard to believe it's been 6 years already.
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That is tough. Most of us have been in a post office at one time or another. Seeing how some people act when they are there, drives me crazy LOL. There are some people that there is nothing you can do. It is how they are.
Thanks for the great post, much appreciated and very important to strive for balance of mind.
Thank you @julianhorack 😊
Top advice and I have been in customer facing roles (sales and service) for the last 2 or 3 years. You just can't take anything personally and it's a great way to build up a thick skin.
I resteemed as this is golden advice and it sounds like we have lived parallel lives in the career department anyway!great post, if I was a whale, this would be upvoted to at least $50!
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It's taken me the better part of 30 years to learn some of this. Thank you so much @nickhavey.
Stay strong my friend. Look after number one 🙂
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living with full awareness of the here and now, adding the respect for oneself plus the respect for our peers, assures us a life in peace and tranquility, which has no value and is absolutely beneficial for our life!
Absolutely. I think where we go wrong is when we put a value on expecting the respect of others. Ultimately what we do to take care of ourselves due to our respect for ourselves is what matters.
Ahhh, boundaries - one of my personal bugaboos. I've gotten better over the years, but it's still a challenge sometimes to remember, "it's okay to stand up for yourself." Excellent suggestions as well @tryskele, and...
✨✨✨✨ /cheer I get a @traciyork giphy
LOL! Glad you liked it, @tryskele!
I would have gone out of my mind years ago if I allowed the abusers in our charity work to get to me. Emotions are dangerous and they need to be kept under control. Not my circus, not my monkey sort of thing.
Take nothing personally and move on in life is my motto.
We have had burn outs by severe stresses, but it was and still is about our needs to help others.
Nothing else matters.
Blessings!
Oh I lost my mind LOL. I think one does have to be crazy to work in customer service as long as I have. You're absolutely right. Not my circus. is one of the best routes to go. With what you are doing, there is a bigger goal at hand to focus on. To me when there is a purpose involved, I can focus on that rather than all the money business.
@tryskele, I always like to read your posts. There's always so much ... what word to use...?... truth in them, or maybe I can even use the word 'wisdom'. And even though the content might not be applicable to my personal situation every time, I do take something with me, always. But while I'm reading, I'm always looking forward to the quote you'll be ending your post with. It's always so spot on and in line with my life & my struggles that it is almost scary... :0)
Thank you @simplymike. I guess the phrase of the moment is transparency? I'm not sure I like that phrase. I'm being real, truthful, honest LOL. I always hope someone can take away something even though the exact context may not apply to them.
We're just on the same wavelength 😊 The little quotes I put in are one that jump out at me when I'm looking. I try to keep it within the subject I'm writing on but that's it. So it has some resonance to what I am currently feeling or need to be reminded of.
I recognize a lot. A different time, opinion especially if it came to girls/women.
That's great @wakeupkitty. I'm glad you could relate to some of it. It sounds crazy, women/girls can be very vocal and emotional. I found that if you let them vent and get it all out, you can actually have a conversation and help them. Most of the time.
I am not really a girly girl/woman. Neither are my daughters. Perhaps it is character, the way I am raised or what they call the Dutch sobriety. We skip the drama, crying, nails, giggling, gossiping and soap parts.
I know it helps many to get what they want, people fall for it. Neighbours (from Belgium) are the same, even that guy is.
Again, good posts.💕
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Improving our ability to control our stress levels better, would be a great benefit received from putting your advice into play, which in turn, would help keep us free from high blood pressure and the risk of heart attacks and/or strokes. You give some very good advice!
Thank you @free-reign. Hindsight is everything isn't it? If I knew then what I know now. At least now I am much better had working with most things.
Great advice and hard lessons to learn. I'm curious why you tagged this steemleo though since it's not about investing?
Brain fart and misunderstanding on my part. Been a little caught up in making sure to use the ones that I have a stake in, that I forgot that that one is specific in content. I was able to remove it, hopefully no damage done. Thank you for pointing that out.
Very tough situation. It has been a long time I had to deal with surly, abusuve customers. I wonder how I would handle it now. Back then I just remember bowing down to them.
As time has changed, so have people. Admittedly, after 30 years I don't want to do this anymore. It is a lot harder than it use to be. Since there has been a fundamental change in how people think, you don't know what is going to happen. There is such a lack of respect for a person now.