The Little Things
There I was, hurtling through hyperspace, barely regonizable patterns whistling by me, images bombarding me and colors, sights and smells all becoming intertwined. I took a moment to get adjusted to this new reality, when the entity (which felt like a part of me, or at least knew everything about me, down to the every thought I've ever had since i was born, but had exponentially more wisdom) spoke to me.
It's voice was pleasant, calm, neither hurried nor slow. At every moment, it knew exactly what i wanted to see, yet choose to ask me anyways to give me a better understanding of where we were going. The first question put to me after adequately welcoming me was simple. It asked, "So, what brings you here?" Surprisingly, even though I had not prepared for this, thinking back to my life at that point i knew the answer. I said that I wanted to know:
- Who am I?
- Where do I fit in?
- How do I find inner peace?
Who Am I?
The answers came in series of images, both from the past, and what could be the future.
The entity began sequentially, first dealing with my first question. In response to that, it posed a counter-question, "Who do you think you are?" Instinctively, I recalled what I considered the defining moments of my life, my achievements and actions which I later realised the world had conditioned me to think were "important." In response, the entity just laughed and said, "That's bullshit and you know it". And I did.
Through a whirlwind flashback of all the truly happy and free moments in my life, I realised I was defined by the "little things", stuff I would barely even talk about.
The laughs shared with friends. All the moments i made someone's day brighter through a little kindness. Watching the sun go down, hearing birds chirp, and sipping coffee next to someone you love. Winning (and losing) at sports, games etc. But always coming out stronger friends. Looking into someone's eyes, and feeling their understanding, acceptance and trust. Eating a delicious meal. Watching someone's eyes light up when you do something for them. Or even just existing, by yourself, in the peace of nature, treasuring every molecule of air you inhale. This beauty of everyday life that was so far slipping by me left me awestruck. At the same time i realised the immense potential we all have to alter our own lives as well as those around us(more in another post).
The "big stuff", the achievements, the stuff i would brag about, meant little except as a vehicle of self expression. I realised my motives for even the grandest actions stemmed from something very simple and basic - a desire for connection, a desire to make a difference. I knew at the end of the day, I wouldn't care about anything but the connections I made with other conscious souls, the time we shared, and how I made them feel.
At this moment, as if to drive home the point, the entity enabled me to see exactly how I made others feel through various points in their lives. Their deep emotions were represented by this glowing orb inside them, which glowed brighter and warmer in response to kindness, but duller and colder in response to harshness. And then I felt my own soul and emotions. It came as no coincidence that the moments I felt happiest, best, and warmest, were also those when those around me felt similarly. I realised it was impossible to sustain such deep joy while inflicting hurt to those around you. The pleasure of dominance, or asserting power, was weak and fleeting in comparison to the joy of being compassionate. Never before had I got the chance to compare the two so directly, and never had the answer been clearer in my head.
It was through this experience of giving a material metaphor for something usually hidden, that I realised that there was no such thing as a wasted effort when it came to kindness. Even when the barriers of ego prevented the person you were kind to from showing any meaninful gratitude, the internal warmth created was just as much, if not more. Thus, in the best approximation the english language can give- I was the person made up of all the little moments that made up "life". I was often so caught up in what I (or others) considered "big" or important that i sometimes lost sight of these little things. But the true joys of life were always going to be these little, fleeting moments (more on their fleeting nature in the next post).
This bought the entity to the second question,
Where do I fit in?
The answer to this was paradoxical in the extreme. First, the entity showed me the enormous power I had to affect those around me, my supreme power as a cosmic entity with a gift of choice. Next, it showed me how little any of those choices matter. I literally "zoomed out' of my life, which was a little bubble in a tiny house among millions in the city, which in turn was one of thousands of cities across the world. I realised that in a world with 7 billion people, and a universe with a 1000 trillion stars, virtually nothing I choose to do on a day-to day basis had a significant impact on the grant scheme of things. It was oddly liberating to think that the choices I obsess over most of the time don't really matter.
What it meant was basically this - its impossible to be truly "special" in the universe regardless of what you do as a human, and is a futile goal to chase.
Yet, at the same time, there's nothing wrong with not being rare, because each human has an unimaginable capability to spread and experience love and happiness, through the little things. And to exist in human form and exercise that power is an unconditional gift, rarer and more special than anything man-made you could ever claim to possess on earth. Further, most of the time we spend obsessed on our self image is also futile. The experience of being inside other people's heads during various points in my life gave me a very simple answer to the question "what do they think of me?" - they don't.
People are usually self centred, but they do take note and remember you if you offer them an act of kindness, often long after you've forgotten. Conversely, people often forget and forgive wrongs you did to them much sooner than you yourself are able to overcome guilt concering the act. In other words, by hurting someone else you hurt yourself more, but by loving someone else you make a permanant impact in their lives.
Which bought the entity to the third question.
How can I attain inner peace?
The entity showed me a monk, somewhere in the Himalayas, meditating on a cliff in the midst of a fierce blizzard.
It asked me to compare myself to him, an entity at inner peace. Instantly I saw his mind, a complete circle, devoid of any connection to the outside world. "Yes", said the entity. "To experience peace your entire experience cannot remain attached to something temporary, or transient." Yet that does not mean you cannot experience their beauty, and love and care for them. External expectations inescapably tie you to the external world, and never allow you to experience true inner peace. However, unconditional affection can be expressed, and indeed is best expressed by an entity at inner peace.
The entity then discussed, again through a kaleidoscope flowing images and messages, how viewing "yourself" as an assemblage of experiences is just one way of viewing life, albeit the most common one. However, in truth, you are reborn every instant. Every instant, you are a new person, who, in whatever position he finds himself in, is free to do literally anything. The constraints we impose on our choices are all artificial, based on who we are "supposed" to be based on the "past" and other people's expectations.
The past, as well as the future, is an illusion. You have, are, and only ever will exist in the now, trapped (or liberated) in a moment. If we can view reality thus, we are freed from all anxiety (which concerns itself with the hypothetical future) and guilt (which concerns itself with the past), and really freed to live and experience each moment, independent of what came previously, and what might come next. That, indeed, is the secret of inner peace - live, experience everything, but never attach yourself to time.
As you can see, one can experience and enjoy all that the material world has to offer, as long as we don't get attached to making it last. More clarity on this was discovered by me in my next contact with the entity, which I discuss in Chapter 2 : Impermanence is beautiful.
Chapter 2 coming next Saturday. Stay tuned!
By far the craziest experience I've ever had out of all the psychedelics.
Indeed, DMT is a whole other league :)
An absolutely delightful post really enjoyed it and look forward to chapter 2!
Upvoted and followed!
Glad you liked it! And that's motivation for a stellar second post, thanks!
I have to thank you so much. I saw your account in the upvotes of my trip report. I have read you trip report and it brought back feelings and values that I have lost in the last months. I dont know who you are or where you live but thank you for that :)