So, apparently I just had this mediocre philosophical reflection that came out of watching an apparently mediocre movie. I guess someone would ought to be important to mention that I love mediocrity. I think life is mediocre, so nothing is better to express some existential dread behind it than some mediocre piece of art. Mediocrity is beauty.
Without bullshitting any further, I will just explain there are two extreme perspectives on life that came to my mind from this viewing: it may be said that what happens to you as you dwell through existence, is a manifestation of what you are, or it may be seen as the thing that actually defines you for who you are going to be. In other words, one could say that what happens to you is determined by who you are, and that you have no choice, just the illusion of it, everything is kinda written and even those that you could perceive as life-changing experiences are actually bringing a change that was already part of you. Otherwise, you could argue the exact opposite, and live believing that who you are is defined by what you decide to do, every choice you make is a completely free choice, and you are nothing apart from those decisions you take and the actions you make.
But how, somebody may think up to this point, is this freakingly connected with a Woody Allen movie? Well, Vicky is a level-headed young woman, passionate about her studies and her live-and-love plans with her soon to be husband Doug. Cristina is a romantic girl, who doesn’t know what she wants and keeps looking for it, knowing only what she doesn’t want.
They travel together to Barcelona, with different motivations and end up falling in love with the same guy, some awfully good-looking Spanish painter who finds no meaning in life and never actually tried to look for it. One who really dwells through existence and does not walk on a pre-planned path.
So people meet in places, they talk, laugh, love and breath, and half an hour later both women are back where they started.
Cristina has problems settling down, deciding that she actually wants something, that she wants to be something and not just keep looking for something. After a long relationship with the artist and a menage-a-trois with the ex wife of the artist, anxieties become stronger that good feelings, and she decides that despite having been really happy and having glimpsed a chance to set some balance in her life, she had just found another thing that she doesn’t want.
Vicky on the other side, after trying to make it work with her new husband, has a brief moment of weakness and goes to look for the awfully good looking artist, but it only takes an insight in the imbalance of his life to realize that she already had everything she was looking for with her “boring” husband and perfectly planned life.
It looks like both of them have no choice, Vicky cannot handle insecurity and living by the moment, while Cristina seems to have an harsh relationship with stability, by the time she acknowledges its presence in her life.
Yet, I cannot help myself but think that both made their choices. In the current era we are pushed to believe that you define who you are, and no one else. You are free to make our own choices, become whoever the fuck you want to be. Cristina could choose to settle down, choose serendipity over passion and passionate love and live the rest of her life with the artist and his ex wife. It wouldn’t have been that shitty and I am sure plenty of people see that kind of serendipity as a perfect idea of life.
Vicky, on the other side, could choose to pursue her gut emotions and first instinct impulses, instead of her rational understanding of life, abandon her husband and live life as it goes.
Nonetheless, I know that this is bullshit as well. Yes it may be true that if you have unlimited talent, money and no insecurity or fear whatsoever, you can choose to be whatever you want to be, and have only to pick which events you want in your life to happen. But let’s be honest: no single human being on Earth is like this. Talents choose you, fears define your limits and the economic resources you can access to determine what you can or cannot even think of doing. There are some part of yourself you cannot change, but have to accept and live with, or you will end up deeply unhappy, with a misperception of yourself that will make you end up crazy.
But how to distinguish what you cannot change of yourself, from what you should try to push yourself over, and actually try to challenge?
What is that you should accept? What is that you should not surrender to about yourself?
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