The reliable, loving and ever so handsome dude dangerous , was verbally assaulted yesterday when a conservative bible thumper couldn’t take a joke. The vicious attack lasted approximately ten minutes, leaving dude in a terminal state of, “oh noes, we got teh serv3d!”
This was a violent and unprovoked response to one of our recent articles - Microwaves and Satan - which gave valuable insight into modern exorcism and furthermore, provided tips and tricks on defeating Satan with a microwave.
But the somewhat agitated resident of Jacksonville deemed the educational article blasphemous and retaliated with what can only be described as a barrage of upper case profanities.
From his private hospital bed, Dude has been providing authority like figures with information pertaining to the attack itself. In an exclusive interview with his nurse, he stated that the email was of a vehement nature, including choice phrases such as, “FUCK U ASSHOLLE”, “EAT SHIT N DIE” and “IM GUN KILL U FUKKIN BITCHES”.
Sadly, Dude has not fully recovered from the calculated attack although as he clung onto his respirator, he offered some sincere advice to regular online website visitors:
“Behind CAPS LOCK, there is a force so evil that not even a microwave can destroy it. CAPS LOCK is the most heinous and despicable hate crime known to man. Remember kids - people out there will release the fury of CAPS LOCK with little or no remorse. Be careful.”