Wow! Some strong words here my friend and I appreciate your reply.
To me personally, it doesn't matter to me what people think of me. In fact it never mattered and it has resulted in great amount of peace in me.
What matters though is the hurt , as it has always been a stumbling block.
A short story if I may,
My first wife had a younger brother that pulled a boiling pot of water off the stove.
He was small and the hot water flushed over his chest, damaging his vocal chords. So he couldn't talk well after the incident and everybody thought that he was stupid. His parents placed him in a mentally retarded school.
I married his sister while he was at this school and the kid took a liking to me.
So, I started working with him. He progressed in leaps and bounds, and one of my friends was a speech therapist that also helped us. By the time that he reached the end of the primary school he talked fluently.
So I registerd him in a technical high school and that's when the fun started, as his parents attacked me verbally with some very bad words.
I kept my silence and as time went on he performed greatly at the new school, to such an extent that he graduated with a tradesman diploma. His parents still hated me.
One day his father pulled me aside and asked me why I never replied to them during their fights with me.
His son was doing very well, got a job and a wife and a small boy.
I said to the father that I understood their confusion and if I started to swear back at them, then I would drop down to their level. Guess what? He never swore at me again.
The sad end to this story is that a few years later the boy died in a car accident, his wife commited suicide and their son dissapeared with his grandmother.
I cut all of those people out of my life and continued on my way!
So what is all of this about?
I just wanted to show you how fleeting life is. We are here today and tomorrow we are are gone.
Pride and ego is poison. Beauty is temporary and it is the inner beauty that counts.
I would rather be seen as fool than to hurt somebody.
Blessings and I only wish you peace!
Hey! Oh I am impressed and touched by this story! Amazing! There is a great amount of kindness in you, helping someone reach their true potential when nobody else believed in them! Such a noble character, few people are capable of this kind of gestures, believe me!
It take a great deal of power to not throw with stones after stones have been thrown at you. If you can resist hot temper and go through a turmoil without causing emotional wounds, then you have reached a new level of spiritual maturity.
People who hurt others often were hurt themselves. They cast harsh words to take their anger out on someone. It is not fair and not kind. I would have saluted anyone who would try to help me or a dear one.
The ending of the story is indeed tragic. Now I can see how you couldn't have stand the thought of living with a bad feeling of doing unjustice. Life is unpredictable and we can lose dear people in an instant. If we do harm, we have to live with sorrow. If we do good, at least we can be at peace.
I wish more peoole would think about their own mortality and stop casting their evil ways like they have an eternity to repair the damage. Nobody does.
Thank you for sharing this story, it shows it always pays off to be kind.
It is all about keeping one's conscience clear as then there is no place for regrets my friend.
What they do unto you, they do unto themselves.
It was Lao Tzu that said; "Think as if your thoughts are displayed across the skies for all to see, for in fact so it is"
Everything that you see in others that you hate, is in fact within yourself and you are so right that it is always people that are hurting who hurts others. We all have to firstly embrace our own hurts, then confront them and then turn them into strengths.
Here's an example;
My mom when she was young was a stunning beauty with big eyes and long black hair. She was single and had to work very hard to feed her family and to keep a roof over our heads.
I was hurting, because I was a good runner, but had to run barefoot against the other guys who all had spiked running shoes.
So one night I decided that I will no loger hurt about it (embracing the hurt), I will rather go out and take them all on to show them what I can do (confrontation of my hurt) and in he next race I left them all in my dust (turning my hurt into a strength).
You see, it was all in my mind and it affected my performances.
The school principal was so impressed that he bought me a pair of spiked running shoes hahaha.
Just so can our hurts affect our daily lives and we have the inborn ability to conquer them.
Once conquered they can no longer worry us and we step up into another level of life, by feeling true compassion that are battling with their own hurts!
A softness, tenderness and right response awakens in us as new thoughts start to enter our minds!
Hope that your new week started well!
Oh wow I loved the quote.... So powerful.... Oh if all people would think like this, they would control their thoughts, therefore their actions better. I will remember this quote, thank you!
Your story of overcoming your trouble is inspiring. Often the obstacle is inside our mind, because we fear judgement, shame, we are afraid of how people will see us. I congratulate you for the victory, ot definetely shaped you into the person you are now!
I always admire people who overcome adversities. It is easy to blame the circumstances, the people, the poverty, the traumas. But we have the freedom to choose how to react. Nobody can take that away from us, no matter how hard it gets.
My week started great and I wish you the same😊
Thank you and yeah, that quote has meant a lot to me in my life.
I learned not to entertain every thought that flits through my mind, as I read somewhere that a thought is only a thought, unless you clothe it in action.
Once I had beaten that worry about how people will see me, or what they would say about me, my freedom started and it allowed me to do and say anything that I liked. If others didn't like it, then it was their problem not mine. I know that it is easy to say this, but it is not easy to do as we have become so attached to the opinions of others. If they praise us we love them, but if they say anything bad about us then we allow it to eat us up.
But that should not be how life works. If they love you, fine! If they hate you, also fine because they invariably hate themselves. So you forgive and move on!
Yes indeed, we are responsible for and to ourselves and blaming any external circumstances means that we are lying to ourselselves to make us feel better about our own errant choices.
That little word "but" has brought about much inner grief.
"Yes, I loved him/her, but they hurt me me"! or "No, I didn't really mean that, but you made me"?
Or a person has overslept and they are late for work, so they tell the boss; "Sorry I am late, but the bus had a flat wheel"? All beginnings of the rot that starts to fester inside the self.
Say it like it is and be damned or loved for it lol.
Blessings and thank you!
This is so true! Finding excuses is always lame. Apologising and saying but after is a fake apology. Unfortunately those people are so wounded themselves and so oblivious that they lie even to themselves to get through the day.
It is said to wish those who hurt you not to hurt too, but to heal. I wish all people who hurt me to heal. For themselves. For what it will make of them as a person.
Trauma goes through generations. If people do not solve their issue with their family of origin, mom, dad, sisters etc, they will repeat toxic patterns in every interaction. Few realise it. It is not up for us to fix them, they have to fix themselves or live in ignorance, consumed by their own ego and fear.
The main issue that I have here is ego dear Mary.
When ego becomes one's driver, this world presents consistent traps and one falls into one hole after the other.
Of course one also draws fellow egoist's with their false praise.
Sadly during the moments of reckoning those friends become like mist before the sun, they disappear.
Best is to be just as one is, not to put on airs and graces and to avoid bitterness and negativities.
Snide remarks whether orally, or written reflects one's character and bitterness and ego is also often clearly reflected in these remarks. We normally feel hurt when one of these remarks are aimed at us and normally our first reaction is to take revenge. But why and against whom?
I am talking as much to myself as to you here.
Are you going to change a bitter person's viewpoint by attacking them? No.
Are you going to convert an egoist by showing them their faults? No.
Best is then to ignore them isn't it?
I am only telling you my own experiences here and it works for me.
All of us are different and they might not work for you.
I only hope that some of the things that I say makes a bit of sense to you!
They do make sense! Mentioning about friends. I am more than sure that the right people are meant to stay. A friend who walks away in distress, leaving you alone, is no friend at all. A person who brings you down, who doesn't encourage you, who only needs a personal entertainer to fill their void, is not your friend. A person jealous on your success and happy for your sadness is not your friend
I believe true friends are very rare. The best friendship starts with you and God/spiritual higher force. I believe in those two the most.
It matters in life to surround yourself with good people who will support you in you becoming the best version. Ditching negative people is necessary. And we can all do it in a kind way.