BHF
By
Me
Based on those tags, with story consultation from @stinawog, Stina’s cousins and our friends at Struggling Actors Productions (SAP)
INT. LIVING ROOM
ALEXANDER sits on the couch in his bathrobe, reading the newspaper. A mattress leans against the wall, a foldable lawn chair sits where a comforter might. CARRIE enters, carrying two cups of coffee. She leans over for a kiss, hands him coffee and settles beside him.
CARRIE I feel like a real adult now.
ALEXANDER I know, I want to append "Homeowner" to my name.
CARRIE And we get the newspaper delivered.
ALEXANDER The American dream. Alexander and Carrie Ottoman, HOMEOWNERS.
We hear a pounding on the door and
KEVIN (OS) Open up! BHF! We know you’re in there!
Carrie and Alexander look at each other, then Alexander sets his coffee down and gets up to go to the door. The pounding happens again.
SAMANTHA (OS) We have a warrant! For your own safety, move away from the door!
Alexander quick-steps to the door and opens it to reveal KEVIN and SAMANTHA, each with guns at the ready and wearing FBI-style suits.
KEVIN Alexander Ottoman? We have a warrant to search your house.
Kevin and Samantha push past Alexander into the house, handing him the warrant as they do so. Carrie still sits on the couch, coffee in one hand, newspaper in the other. She watches them come in. Samantha begins pulling up the couch cushions around her, shoving Carrie around in the process, looking for something. Kevin goes to the mattress, snaps on latex gloves, and begins examining the edges.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
CARRIE Alexander, honey, who are these people?
Alexander reads the warrant.
ALEXANDER It says "BHF". What does that mean?
KEVIN Here! Sam! Get over here!
Samantha rushes to him. He points to the remains of a tag attached to the side of the mattress. She picks up her walkie and speaks into it.
SAMANTHA Secure the perimeter and move in! Go! Go! Go!
Four BHF officers rush in through the front door. PAMELA and ALAN grab Alexander, JESSICA and EDUARDO grab Carrie, and they handcuff them. Once finished, Pamela salutes and turns to Kevin.
PAMELA We’re in. Suspects have been hogtied, Kevin.
KEVIN Nice job, Pam.
Kevin points at the spot on the mattress he was examining, furious.
KEVIN Where is it? It said "Do not remove"! Where is it?!? Which one of you removed the tag!?!
Jessica sneers.
JESSICA You’d remove the tag from a hair dryer, wouldn’t you, you callous bastard?
ALEXANDER Who are you people???
Captain enters, regal, wearing the finest military formal outfit we can afford.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
CAPTAIN We’re the California Bureau of Home Furnishings.
The "moment", as Captain is about to monologue, and all are quietly impressed, is interrupted by Samantha, who is examining a folded-up camping chair, she becomes quietly horror-stricken.
SAMANTHA This furnishing doesn’t meet California inflammability requirements. OUT! OUT! EVERYBODY GET OUT!
She dives. we hear the sound of the chair exploding and everybody dying. Then silence, the exploded chair in the middle of the carnage. Eduardo lies on top of Alan, dead. Alan makes his way out from underneath and embraces Eduardo, sobbing. Alexander and Carrie crawl towards each other pitifully.
CARRIE When we were renters, we’d never have owned a camping chair...
ALEXANDER Damn this recovering economy...
They die.
Sort: Trending