Tell me, how is it possible that my daughter can be (just about) finished school? I'm not one of those sentimental mothers. I don't have her first set of baby shoes bronzed on my mantelpiece (do people still have those?) or her first picture framed on my wall. Those things don't matter to me, what matters is there she is...
All grown up, nearing adulthood but not quite there. So much older than me in so many ways but always my child. I have a confession to make. I have adored all my children since their conception, but adult children are so much more fun! For me the it is most rewarding to be part of an intellectual/philosophical conversation with a being that I helped create, shaped and guided to the best of my ability, and have watched flourish.
(the attitude was there from day one!)
I am not a details mom. Partly because I'm lazy (okay a BIG part) and partly because more than anything else I would like my children to be able to think for themselves when they venture out into all of THAT. I do not hound my children for academic results, I don't complete their projects for them and I allow them to take responsibility if they have forgotten say, to do their homework. This is not a rigid policy, every situation needs to be judged on its merits. My children are pretty free, unless it pertains to physical safety, then sorry, no chance! Parenting is like walking a tightrope. But I yoga, so I have balance! :p
This Matric Farewell process has been demanding (remember I'm lazy!) and I felt irritated, not with my daughter (um, maybe a couple of times), but with the extra demands on my time, and to be fair my mental energy. Fortunately my daughter has been low key about the whole thing and my husband has done more than his fair share. Now that the day has arrived I am (fairly) happy that I was forced, kicking and screaming, through the whole saga
Both my daughter and I questioned at times whether this whole farewell thing is really worth the effort. But it IS a rite of passage. I still have the group photo of my 1989 Matric Farewell and although I was not the biggest fan of school, and my daughter feels the same, it is nice to look back, even if it is only to remember how thin I was, sigh.
(1989 - I'm the tallest girl (heels!) in the silver dress, my daughter chose a similar colour purely by chance)
Today went fairly smoothly at least. The dress was only completed on Sunday, despite us ordering it 2 months ago, but was perfect. The hair appointment ran late which made us late for the make-up appointment. My daughter hated parts of her make-up, I loved it, and we had a little spat in the car. I might have told her I would kill if if she shed a single tear. We arrived home with just enough time for her to dress and the car arrived. I was supposed to hire a photographer to do a photo shoot with her, but everything had just become too expensive, so I did it myself with my little point and shoot camera. I know many more (and hopefully better) photos will be taken at school.
(note: cool tie!)
I hired a chauffeur (oooh sounds so fancy, but it was really just Gavin down the road) with a nice vintage car, so he took my daughter and her boyfriend to the school. That meant I was able to go early and got a front seat view of the proceedings. Curses to the South African weather though. We were having heatstroke while I was taking photos with various family members, and as soon as I sat down to watch the couples parade in, a freezing cold wind sprung up and I froze in a strappy sundress for an hour and a half. Being in Africa, meant that the crowd was enthusiastically LOUD in their support of the kids. My ears are still sore. Unfortunately my daughter's boyfriend was not allowed to accompany her to the actual function, though he could walk her in. Only school pupils were allowed to attend.
While waiting for her to come home, I started sorting the myriad of photos. She will not be attending an after party as she does not drink. This is not something I enforce, it simply makes her ill. All her sober friends are not attending, so she will have no one to hang out with. I am really proud that I can leave her to make her own decisions and trust that she is making the right ones. Even better than that, I feel confident that even if she makes a poor decision, she will be able to handle the consequences and learn from it. It is specifically this ability that enables me to let her go.
Of course my daughter had to poke at the conservative and slightly discriminatory nature of the school. She danced with some black boys, gasp! My daughter is a beautiful, free spirited, imperfectly perfect person who knows how to love, how to forgive, how to cry and how to laugh. And we can do this together. What more can I ask for.
Oh yes, there is one more thing I can ask for - no more girls! Oh wait, I have that. I'm counting on Matric Farewells being a LOT easier with boys!
(All photos, but two, have been take by me in a totally unprofessional capacity! Most were taken at my home, with the grandparents, my boys, and Jonothan's mom in attendance. Also, somewhat bizarrely, our yoga instructor, but that is another tale. Sadly my husband missed the festivities as he had to attend an auction out of town. He and my daughter organised her whole dress, from start to finish, including ALL fittings, together and joyfully without me!)
Never had heard of the matric farewell before. That's quite elaborate similar to what the girls here do. And most guys have it easy. A rental and the cost of the limo or ride plus corsage.
I personally felt prom was fun, but not quite deserving of all the drama that led up to it.
You sound like quite a fun and not overbearing mother. There are far too many who try to put a bubble around their children and do not let them make their own decisions. I would assume your daughter feels comfortable talking about things that some other young adults would never dare bring up.
You have a beautiful daughter and letting her express herself through her own free spirit is definitely something many parents seem to suppress these days.
Tip of the hat to you @onetree :)
Thank you! Yes my daughter does speak to me about what I assume to be most things. Unfortunately we have to let our kids bump their heads while they are still in a safe place to learn. The world can be unforgiving.
That was a very nice story! Reminds me of my daughter, a few years ago. It really is more difficult to let go of daughters!
Thanks! Appreciated!