My life sucks, you know. Everyday, I've been talking to myself, "why am I here?" "Where should I be now?" "How am I suppose to be there?"
I have the most imperfect life: always doing stuff I was being told. I know I am a free-spirited type of a person, but damn, my life sucks pretty amazing. It sucks when I can not do what I want. Why? Because I can't. Some things are bound to be prioritized than my dreams. So I am here, in this dark corner of my life, maybe hiding, maybe becoming stuck in here forever.
Despite the fact that I am lonely by heart, I plastered a smile on my face. As if I'm happy, as if I am where I want to be. I become more and more pretentious than I used to be. I cry my emotions through laughing out loud. I fake a smile to every people I met. I keep talking about other stuff but not about what was really inside me. And maybe, I became so used of this that I become so insensitive.
Maybe that's what other people think of me, insensitive, immature, playful, a kid.
People responded to what they've seen outside, but they never dig in. They're all looking so damn smart as if they already know you. Maybe this is the reason I have never been open to anyone about what I really am, because they all think they are superior in every posible way. They will all ask of what about and then give comments like they're always right. Damn people. Damn. I hate them all. They were all looking concerned but they will just burn you to death.
So maybe this is my own way of depression. Smiling outside and killing on the inside. I've been open to few people, only few, a few that I know will understand me. But why do I start thinking no one ever knew about me? No one ever know what I am feeling inside. No one even tried to know me deep. That sometimes, I found my eyes shred a tear without any valid reason. That behind this smile is a tearful heart. But nobody bothered. Nobody.
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