It is like a coin with one face showing joy and the other face showing sadness. Now the numbness you were talking about, is this numbness more bearable compared to the non numbness?
I assumed that you were familiar with this concept. If you dim your emotions, then you naturally dim not only the sadness but also the happiness. It converges. But since you know that this is an artificially created balance and the feeling of numbness accompanies you, my original question was based on this:
How long do you want to stay dim? If your conviction is supported by the fact that mainly a drug can be switched between you and your emotional world, what alternatives do you exclude?
Take a dream. You have surely already dreamed and awakened from it with a feeling. Who caused your dream? Who is the dreamer and who determines the contents of the dream, the resulting feelings? Who interprets them? Does a dream - from somewhere - come suddenly over you? Do you assume that you are dreaming because something makes you dream or because you are dreaming something?
If I ask you, are you the one who is disturbing you because a disturbing element is interfering between you and your reality, who can you hold responsible for this? Or better asked: Who gives you a response that you can best live with? If you want the answer from the interfering element, then the interfering element will give you an answer that is logical from its point of view. It does not consider itself to be disturbing at all. So you are left alone with what you expect to get. Nobody answers you better than you are able to answer yourself. I'd say that's the best "news" ever! :D
When I ask you, why are you sad? How can you give me a comprehensive answer? You don't even know it. I certainly don't know it. Therefore, every moment can only be seen as a moment that makes me either sad, happy, questioning or otherwise.
Trying to grasp something in its entirety, what does it do to you? Isn't it so that you feel overwhelmed by it? How can you even begin to make someone else understand your superstructure?
If you are crying for no apparent reason, then I would suggest the following: Accept that you are crying for no visible reason. Don't ask anyone else why you are doing this, don't even ask yourself. If you are judging, insulting, impatient with weeping, what good does it do you? So what helps?
Let's stick to crying. Whenever it comes up, you invite it to stay. If you do not forbid the crying to be present, do not try to influence it by weakening or strengthening it, it will eventually subside. So you can also try to cry on purpose at first, if the opportunity presents itself through an upcoming crying. But before that you could do exactly what I just told you not to do. When the crying begins, see what can make the crying stronger, think intentionally of those who were supposed to be causing you grief. Then, when you notice how this changes your crying, increases in strength or begins to turn into something else (like anger), turn around and think of what is weakening the crying. Something paradoxical, like a phrase like "man bites dog". Observe how the crying changes and becomes a smile. And so on. You will not be able to extend any of these conditions forever by will.
If you try to keep your sadness at the same level non-stop 24/7, you will not succeed. Likewise, you will not be able to be happy for the next five minutes in the exact same way as you were three minutes ago.
Therefore, my suggestion would be a paradoxical one: Whatever feeling you are about to experience, think of how you would try to extend it to a whole day, and the absurdity of this intention will be revealed to you. If you don't experience a nice spark of your own humor, you'd have to deal with the devil :)
You could start this practice by reading this response of mine or any other text. Grab a pen and write down, while you read, what makes you what feeling (not thinking) til the end of the text. In the course of this exsercize you'll notice to which expressions you want to stick more and to which less.
........
Take medication as long as you think you still need the dimming as security guard. After all, all doctors and practitioners depend on what information you give them to be able to treat or advise you at all. You are the expert, not them, in the sense that you rely on your experience, the only thing, they can rely on, too. ;-)
Last but not least: If you find anything of what I suggested a provocation or you find it dull, dumb or otherwise not helpful, ask yourself: what better response you would come up with and find it :)