Saying no is an artform that I have not yet mastered. On a regular basis, I receive CFAs and CFPs. In academia, these are call for abstracts and call for papers, which simply are adverts for us to keep our eyes on to write papers, apply for grants, submit abstracts for conferences, and so on. You submit for as many as possible, because this is just how things work: some get accepted, some get rejected, but to stay relevant, you need to publish papers and you need to present at conferences.
I am also in the process of finalising my PhD. The oral exam (or oral defence) has been scheduled, and now I am in the process of preparing to defend my work, my ideas, and basically, the career that I have been cultivating and the one that I hope to cultivate in the future.
And to put the cherry on top, I am also giving class, lecturing a group of students on a philosophy that is dear and close to my own work, but my overall project - past, present, and future.
All of the above is taking a toll on me.
Probably physically, and probably mentally as well, but what I am missing the most, and where I can seriously feel that all of the above is taking a toll on me is my own research, the thing that pulled me into academia, and the thing I am currently trying to cultivate.
How paradoxical and contradictory is this not? The thing that I miss the most is the thing that I am trying to do? How does this even make sense?
Throughout the years, I have grown my personal (physical) library to over a thousand books. I bought these with scholarship funds, and now research funds (the small perks of doing actual research). But I am increasingly reading articles online, on by laptop, and then quickly skimming through books as I do not have the time to sit down and read a book like in the past.
And now I am asking myself this simple question: Have I taken on too much? Paradoxically, the thing that I want to do (research) is the thing that I need to do to make money to do research, and in the process of making a living through research, I cannot do slow research any longer.
Life is increasingly gaining speed. The amount of work that you need to publish to stay relevant in the field is becoming astronomical. I have published multiple papers over the last three years, I have presented at so many conferences, workshops, and seminars, and I have written my PhD (twice in some sense), and it still feels like I am falling behind.
But what have I left behind is even more regretful: Slow research.
Reading a 500 page academic (philosophy) book takes time, and to reflect on what you have read takes even more time, and then doing research, and turning it into new knowledge takes yet more time. Doing a PhD takes time, effort, and incredible intelectual strain. Yet that thing, time, is so valuable and scarce today.
The great Roman philosopher Seneca once said that life is not short, we only shorten it by not living (or something according to those lines). But he had tremendous wealth. He did not have to worry to pay bills, insurance, medical aid, food, rent.... Today, we have loads of time, but modern capitalism (neo-liberalism) is making it almost impossible to do slow research (if you are not a wealthy scholar).
But I guess nothing really changed from the ancient times. Then, people like us, those needing to work to pay to live could also not really do research unless they were born into incredibly rich families.
Alas, I am taking on too much just to stay relevant in academia and it is hurting the one reason (and love) of why I turned to academia in the first place.
A strange world we live in, right?
All of the musings and writings are my own, albeit inspired by my PhD frustrations. The photographs are also my own, taken with my Nikon D300.
!BBH
Your reflection on the paradox has some resonance with me. I find myself in a similar circumstance, although the details are different, not involving Philosophy at all.
I am reminded of Socrates saying that the unexamined life is not worth living. This sticks out for me in that philosophy is a direct and practical response to the inherent challenges of life. The core questions of philosophy—about meaning, virtue, and purpose—become most salient when we are faced with difficult circumstances. This is where we put our convictions to the test.
I think this struggle you are facing may be exactly what you need to put what you love, philosophy, to the test. It's a tool to endure struggle, not escape it. Philosophy is a way to find inner peace and resilience in a chaotic world. I remember in my only Philosophy class in university that we would often push philosophies to their limits to see where the wheels fall off. The works were great books, but they often had huge, gaping problems in some circumstances.
To that effect, even engineers need to bench test or field test their work to ensure they have a good design.
Perhaps this paradox or dilemma is a good field test of your work and vocation. Perhaps there should be limits to what work you accept despite the financial impact.
Borrowing from another field, some entrepreneurs find that they are offering too many products or services. They often focus on core offerings with the greatest profit margins to improve overall profitability. This allows them to focus their attention and capital on a great product rather than multiple mediocre ones with lower margins. High margin, low volume vs low margin, high volume.
Couched in these terms, perhaps there is a misalignment in you work (high volume, low margin) versus your vocation (low volume, high margin). Perhaps there is work that pays more and requires less time that would give you the time to dedicate to slow research. Both your profession and vocation can be high margin, low volume.
Of course, it's easy to say all this not knowing anything about the work opportunities in the field of philosophy.
Thank you for thinking along. I agree with what you noted. Life has interesting ways to test you, and if this is required of me to strengthen (in argument and in my way of living), then it is good. Thanks again!
I hope that you take care of yourself. I hope that you can feel my care from there.
Thank you so much. Soon enough it will be done, and then I can take care of myself. For now, it is "grind the gears" until I am done. I can most certainly feel it!
I'll keep it up then. You're doing great work. You have a beautiful mind
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. For now, that mind is a bit tired.
😽
I don't know if it seems silly to you...but I'm shining my light your way...May it give you some sustenance..
Society needs to value the long research appropriately. If a paper takes reading 10,000 words across multiple books, several months of introspection and dreaming to link everything together, it needs to compensated as such.
And not just by the reward of a complimentary breakfast at a conference, or another dot point on the list of speaking engagements or published articles. With real value for that effort.
It means that some other things need to be valued a little less. What those things are - well, I am not in a position to decide.
Some of the things we need to value less, from my perspective, is pushing numbers - in terms of amount of papers you need to publish, but also the number of students you need to grade. Modern academia is set up to not cultivate slow thinking in any shape or form, unless you have climbed the ranks and have the luxury of doing research and to not have the burden of teaching. But if you are a part time (contract, adjunct) lecturer, just fighting to get another month's salary, slow thinking becomes a luxury you cannot afford (yet). There is always hope, so let us hope that things will get better. Thanks for the lovely comment.
And if you get to the top the pillar and do the slow thinking, you get labelled a backwards or senile kook!
For sure. It seems like there is no real middle ground, and this is leaving me wondering what I really want from all of this!