When you close your eyes and stop to think about those in your life who “need help,” what level of responsibility and attachment do you have for them? What characteristics are they demonstrating when you interact with them that cause you to feel so concerned for them and so convinced they are on a destructive path? How do their actions trigger you? What aspects of your perception of their suffering do you think on as if it’s a fact?
I’ve been thinking about this lately as some interactions with some people can be prickly for me, while most all others are wonderful. The contrast is striking and so I’m peering in a little closer to see what might be there to learn from. Some ideas that bubble to the top:
The Shadow: the things we suppress and demonize about our own nature get pushed to the unconscious shadow and, eventually, express themselves in opposite contrast to our own identity story. When there are triggers, there is often shadow being exposed, if we mine the trigger for its root cause. When I think on prickly interactions, I see repressed Shadow in them and in myself. Watch this video for more on The Shadow: https://roundtable.io/crypto/kings-eye-view/health/the-truth-will-set-you-free
Projection: related to The Shadow, the things we’re struggling to work out for ourselves and have some peace about in our own lives become obvious all around us in the lives of others. Very often, it’s not them, it’s us. We project our unresolved problems onto those around us and then try to tell them how messed up things are. If only we would listen to ourselves and go inward whenever we feel compelled to project outward to another individual, then we can find a path to peace. The Law of Correspondence states that what happens around us, is a direct reflection of what is happening within us; Our internal environments determine our external environments.
Pain. Attachment. Suffering. Fear. These powerful forces drive me personally to want to “do something!” to help those prickly-contrasted fellows I interact with. This is where I realize my own ego story of someone who enjoys being helpful to others and seeing a perceived lack of joy and peace. The truth of it is this: I can save no one. We can only save ourselves. Most often we know exactly what we’re supposed to do, and we’re just avoiding it. We don’t want to summon the courage required to choose love over fear and lean in to “doing the work” of resolving our own trauma, forgiveness, seeking forgiveness, and choosing to take the steps required to become the truthful, honorable, loving people we want to be.
Todo es Perfecto. Recognizing all is as it should be, even what is considered darkness because all is One, all facilitates the evolution of consciousness. When effortless action of Dharma being smacks into something to create waves of conflict, I’m learning how to just dance around it and continue. There is no need to fix anyone or work on anything external, other than continue the process of my own growth in understanding (and that’s just my current path/story, which may be radically different than others). Sometimes I’ve noticed I’ll get invited in to work against this and directly interact, but I realize now, there’s really little point in doing so. Enabling is not helping. When people are ready to stop avoiding their triggers but instead decide to lean into them, the conflict surrounding them will dissolve. Being drawn into that process (other than just planting seeds kw and then that can grow later) at the wrong time just helps people project outward and externalize instead of looking within.
These ideas are especially interesting for me as a parent. Clearly, at some level, I do have a direct stewardship responsibility to help my children develop their consciousness. And, at the same time, I have no control over outcomes and any attachment to such will lead to suffering. I play my role as best I can and that’s all that is required of me. The interactions show me where there is more to learn.
What do you think of the prickly relationships and interactions you have in your life? If you close your eyes right now and pause to think, who bubbles up as needing to be saved? What can you learn from that emotion within you?
(Image Hotpot ai prompt: shadow work light worker consciousness evolution)
Interesting question... which led me to consider whether we can consider our children under under a certain age — who can definitely be "prickly" — through the same lens as people in the greater world.
As parents, we have on some level agreed to be the stewards and protectors of these young lives until they are capable of understanding and handling what comes up, on their own.
That's not easy. But does it ever really end? To wit, our 31-year old daughter is getting married next Friday. My wife left a couple of days ago to spend the last few days with her, and I reminded her "you're not responsible for what she FEELS and DOES, but your presence may soothe her and potentially lessen any possible suffering (she's basically "Bridezilla" on steroids) she's experiencing."
In the greater world, I find it easier to stay in Oneness, and often think of the old Zen koan: "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" In this case, "what is the sound of one person having a fight?"
Give me the child til he's 7 and I'll show you the man. - Aristotle
Also as a parent I feel the same way as you do. We do have a huge part in their lives but also get to take no responsibility. I think parents are always responsible in some way.
Dear @lukestokes,
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You can support the new proposal (#240) on Peakd, Ecency, or using HiveSigner.
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