It is coming up to fourteen years since my mother passed away, a long time by anyone's measure. A lot has happened since then, a lot of things that have come and gone that she probably thought she would get to see. The most important of which is her grandchild, my daughter.
I am sure that the day I was born and as I grew from baby to to teen to adult, she would have sometimes imagined that there would come a day where she would hold whoever I brought into the world, teach her the thing a grandparent does, spoil her the way a grandparent should. I thought she would have been here. But, this was not meant to be, cancer is rarely kind to anyone it touches, least of all those that are left in its wake.
Christmas is coming, a time for family to gather and eat good food, laugh, argue and talk about times gone, people gone. In Finland, it is a time to visit the graves, to remember those who used to grace the world and walk amongst us. It is not that for me here, well, not in the same way at least.
I will spend it with my wife's family and we will eat well and enjoy the time off from the day to day grind. But for me, there will be no stories shared, no discussion about the people who used to sit at the dining table with us. Here, no one knows about my life before or the stories that were created with the people I grew with.
It makes me think how my daughter will never meet her grandparents on my side. Even though my father is still alive, it is unlikely they will spend any time together and even if they could, my father is no longer capable mentally, my daughter too young to understand.
But, it makes me think about the future too. Right now, I imagine that I will be here to see my daughter grow, mature and become whatever she chooses to be. Is it likely? Who knows, there is no way to say. I cannot see into that future, only imagine that there is one possible but probable is too long of a reach for my mind.
The moments I spend with her are precious to me but if I was to disappear now, she is too young to remember how we laughed together or how she makes a mmmm sound when she kisses me goodnight. For her, I am currently much less important than she is to me. This is the way it should always be of course.
I don't want her to rely on me, I don't want me to be something she feels obligated to, something she is tied to through no choice of her own. I don't want her to sit around a Christmas meal and miss me. I just want her to be happy and care for those who are worthy enough to be there with her at that table, be present with them, love them. But, I hope I am at that table with her, at least once.
I hope I get an opportunity to sit with her, watch her with her friends, family and perhaps even her children, my grandchildren. To have a chance to share our stories with each other, to hold her kids in my lap and tell them what their mother was really like once upon a time.
There are no guarantees in this life, just moments to share. I will try not to waste them.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
Part of your duties, if you shall accept them, is to share stories about your parents and grandparents with your children. That way they can share stories with their children and so on, extending the legacy of your family.
The ones we love who pass away often live on through us. Can you remember doing something in a way that made you (or someone else) say that you acted like your mom or dad? Or even like one of your grandparents?
In those moments, you have the opportunity to share what your parents are / were like.
The opportunity exists for all of us. Especially with video recorders in the palms of our hands 24/7, we might as well make good use of it by sharing special messages with our loved ones every so often. You could even put it on the blockchain if you wanted!
I haven't mentioned it for a long time but this is actually why I write some of the stuff I do. This is my legacy to her in some way, not just what I earn here, but my thoughts, ideas and how I try to live. Plus, what I think of her.
Now that you mention it, I do recall you having written this before! It's definitely a great idea. Maybe I should have thought about that before I started posting everything that I posted :-p
Looks like it's time to start a new account! ;-)
excellent post
Are you and your brother out to kick everyone in the feels today? His was pretty intense and beautiful and so is yours. Please be around for a long time to make many awesome memories with your gorgeous child (and any others that may happen along in time).
:) It just happened that way.. maybe we are actually twins 9 years apart...
Stranger...or perhaps at least as equally strange...things have happened ;D
You truly got me teary-eyed with this...
Some are harder to write than others :/
Respect for the openness and vulnerability! Right in the feels...
I wish you get to enjoy a cluster of great grandchildren. Can you picture your daughter being a happy little grandmother?
It seems so strange to imagine it.
The only best way to live this life its to make each passing day count because time spent on an unworthy cost can never be regained. Fourteen years is indeed a long time but i pray that her soul would continue to rest in the bossom of the lord
Beautiful post @tarazkp Yes, we who have fond memories of our families growing up are very lucky. Time marches on. The old saying, you can never go home again is so true. Once out of our parents nest our life begins in earnest. You can never replace your parents, but you can make your own family and new friend memories. Merry Christmas...
I read your post death always pathetic, I lost my parents , i like your post thanks for sharing this post.
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