My whole life I've wished the truth was different
I never wanted to be lied to
But always wished,
Thought I knew,
That I was better than the words that were said
Maybe I'm not and not have been
Ever.
There is a synchronicity in the echoes
In the shadows of my past
"How did you used to deal with her?"
"Well, I used to beat her ass." from my mother
And there are no words for that kind of conversation
That I wasn't privy to
My reasons all come out as excuses
Maybe that's what they really are
But in truth, I do believe I do a lot
That maybe other people just don't see
Or maybe that is just the reality
That I've made for me.
Yeah, I'm messy
But that is because
I have no place for me or my belongings to...
Well, belong.
There is no kubby for the knick-knacks
Or drawers for ill-fitting clothes
I've always been a walking disaster
A contradiction
The jack of all trades, master of none
Mediocre and perfectly half-assed
When I dress up, paint my face
There is something... always, always out of place
I can never get it "just so"
And after a while.
I decided not to try.
Because it is easier to accept it as a "quirky" trait
Embrace it as a fashion
Than to admit
That it is a short coming
I can never seem to conquer
I am trailed by disappointments
Like wake behind a ship
Going in circles, because the compass
Never points quite due north
I see those I love
Drowning in waves of my inadequacies
So I throw them a life vest
Knowing that if I am not strong enough to tow them in
Maybe the current can sweep them closer
At night I wonder if there is ever a break for my riptide
If I have any right
To invite those to swim
When I can barely stay afloat, myself
But here I am
With sharks of memories and similarities
Circling at the dock
Of my very best intentions
When "try" is not enough
And failing, flailing, floundering
Is the only intricate dance
That I know every step to
And in my rawness
When exposed
I slip into silence as static fills my ears
Drowning out truths
That are painful to hear
In that endless droning, I hope
That I would hear something tick over
That a gear would engage
Turning some kind of machine
That could lead me to the answers
Like fortune cookie papers
I need miles of ink
In an infinite pen
To scrawl out all the things I need to do.
My list of shortcomings would bleed it dry
Before I could even start to write.
Raw, personal and also a fantastic poem on a technical level. I really love the way you use metaphor
and then follow up on this imagery through out the rest of the poem with all of the ocean imagery, riptides and sharks of memories.
This is the best thing I have read on steemit today. Great poetry @stitchybitch
Thank you SO much for such a flattering compliment! This was incredibly hard to post and your positive feedback means the world to me!
I am really glad you liked the imagery! I love poems that you can "see".
<3 Thank you again! <3
Your most welcome stitchy. I really liked the poem. You should most definitely keep writing them. I'm also a massive fan of visual poetry and most of mine end up very imagery-heavy ;-) It is a fantastic thing when the imagery is unique and not cliche which yours is (unique) and isn't (cliche).
Fabulous and powerful Poetry
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I definitely didn't expect this to be called "fabulous" or the curie that followed! <3
It deserved a Curie congratulations 🎉
😱😂😎@stitchybitch
You are even cooler than I thought you were!
Whaaaaaaat?! This is awesome!
I'm a cool cat! :D
This is very raw and open, I love it
Thank you so much, Chelsea! <3
It was super hard to write and to be honest, I cried a lot when I wrote it. I guess I needed to work out some personal truths. <3
Hi stitchybitch,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
EEEEEEEEEE! Thank you!!! It was needed so badly!
Indeed – this is the stuff of brilliance – of a heart, too sensitive for this harsh world, that wants nothing more than to fit into it.
Yet you're so much lovelier than you give yourself credit for – so much more whole than you can possibly fathom; it is your very 'messiness' that makes you so endearingly human.
You imagine yourself inadequate – to me, you are absolute perfection.
Sorry it took me so long to reply but this was such a lovely comment that I really didn't have the words to respond!
To be honest, I still don't.
Honestly, it kind of makes me want to ugly cry because it is just one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me.
Thank you! <3 <3 <3 <3
Very nice! I often have a similar confessional style to my poems so this really spoke to me!