My argument for a new face of Dos Equis, a Mexican Beer Company
Disclaimer: This is meant to be satire
When we think of someone who succeeds at everything, even excelling at outlandish activities, the one person that comes to mind is the face of Dos Equis, an older guy with white hair and a beard, a man supposedly the "Most Interesting Man in the World". In the commercials portraying him, he is seen performing near-impossible pool tricks, surfing on an orca, bench pressing women, and even giving "the talk" to his own father. With examples like these, it may seem impossible to find someone more suitable for the position, but I am here to prove you wrong.
There is someone in this time period who I feel goes beyond the requirements for being "The Most Interesting Man in the World". By now many may be asking what this person has done to put him at such an honorific position and who they are exactly.
To introduce the identity of the person I believe is a better fit to be the face of the Dos Equis brand, I would first like to explore the many feats and successes that he was rumored to have performed. He portrays characteristics as a skillful operator of motor vehicles and watercraft. At just age three, this person was able to drive an automobile without any assistance of parents, teachers, or anyone else. By age nine, he was defeating his competition in yachting races. Sound Interesting? There's more. This person has also perfected vocational activities, being an expert artist and talented composer of music. Most recently, news came out that he was able to scale the largest mountain in his country wearing only leather shoes as climbing gear, and on top of that, he was able to control the weather to make his venture a much easier feat.
These perfect qualities are not just limited to him. Following his lineage, there is evidence of his father engaging in similar actions. His father learned to walk just three weeks after being born, and was talking five weeks later. While the father attended junior high, he was capable of chastising and correcting his teachers on their interpretation of the nation's history. Moving onto a more advanced education, he was able to write fifteen thousand in his free time, and in only two years after graduating from university, he was able to pen two masterful operas. Like his son, he was also great at recreational activities. In his first time golfing, he shot 38-under-par in no fewer than eleven holes, then immediately retired from the sport, being satisfied. In addition to spectacular golfing abilities, he was also a great huntsman. It was rumored that he was able to kill two bears and a yeti (whatever that is) with just the shot of a single arrow. At just age 16, he helped build twenty thousand homes for the working class of his country. To add onto his charity work, he knew how to cure hunger in the world, even inventing a manufacturing plant to supply his nation's schools with food.
With such an interesting and diverse profile and background, he seems like the only choice to be the "Most Interesting Man in the World" and the face of Dos Equis. After reading of all of his accomplishments and his families accomplishments, you must be wondering who he is. Now I will tell you. He is the leader of an Asian country, a country in the North China Sea.
His name:
Kim Jong-un...
I hope you enjoyed this article. Feel free to critique and discuss.
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