Hi Erika <3 :)
Thank you for taking the time to out down in words this most touching, insightful personal experience. I can relate to the acute sense of loneliness brought by grief, as I experienced it after my father's death 16 years ago. Have you written about grief in your Steemit blog before? It would be wonderful to hear what came out of all the research you did and lectures you watched about it. Personally, I managed to overcome the sadness prompted by the loneliness resulted from my father's death when, similar to what you said, I stopped being angry at the world for being so unfair for "giving" a terminal illness to such a decent man. Culprits were replaced by acceptance. Of course, I believe this to be a byproduct of a certain level or self-understanding.
Your way of attempting to cope with your mum's death reminds of that of a friend. After losing her son she turned to psychic readings and hallucinogenic experiences. Her other two children reacted very much like your friend and, understandably, that just alienated her even more. It took us months to understand that she was terribly afraid of having her son's memory forgotten, or undermined. Once we arrived to that conclusion it was easier for her to come to terms that now he would exist in the family's life in a different way. That realization immensely helped her to deal with her own afflictions and, in turn, to live peacefully with the loneliness caused by her son's physical absence.
Thank you once again for stopping by Erika. It is always wonderful reading your insights and reflections. I wish you, as always, all the best in life.
A tight hug to you all the way from rainy Portugal :*
Thank you, Abi, for your kind response.
It is easier for us people to trade guilty for accepted when we see that others around us are doing it that way. I am glad that you were able to do it. Thank you for your example with the mother and her children, it is very helpful to know such things. People always have good reasons for their actions or omissions, often it is difficult to see the background if you don't ask.
I have not yet written directly about grief on my blog, only indirectly. The lectures and other sources are mostly in German, I only remember two doctors - I'm not sure if you haven't already mentioned the one - Rick Strassman is his name, if I remember correctly, who does research with LSD. The other is Gabor Mate, a Canadian doctor.
I think the most important thing is to have confidence in each other, that if someone has a death to lament, that he may take unusual measures to deal with grief and not be alienated by it. Sometimes it's not possible to ask them why, unless you're very sensitive and open, because people can't always give reasons because they're still in the middle of processing them.
I hug you too, my dear. Receive my best wishes to you and your family :)