It was an interesting read @abigail-dantes. I take lots of learning from this. In some instances I was able to compare myself or put myself on the spot and try to understand.
Men need a longer break to calm themselves down. Also, their stress system is more reactive then ours
I'm not quite sure about the above statement. I'm not married but I'm in a relationship and have not been through any of the actual experiences yet. Because the concept of relationship before marriage is quite different in India and I belong to an Orthodox family. But I'm a bit confused about the above statement. I do get stressed out at times and something huge temper that I might show. The point is, it takes just few seconds to forget what happened and speak normally. So I'm unable to understand the fact that men takes longer time to calm themselves down. At the same time I have seen my mom showing same temper but it takes lots of time for her to calm down.
But overall I understand that I have to do a lot of self evaluation before getting married. I consider some points as a good tips for me before jumping into the marriage life.
I am not sure of any existing natural gapes between genders in the case of emotions. The quantity of emotions are similar in both genders I think. But what makes women more demure has a good say in our societal norms. I would blame our society that oppress women of their rights. You can still see people asking their sons not to cry at any situation equating that trait to girlish! Why shouldn't we men cry? Taboo!
That is a big concern. Although so called culture and traditions carry something good like what you have just figured here out, it is still in the trap of some obsolete norms. Gender parity is a concept which has been turned down by these outdated cultures. As long as there are no legal deterrents, no one including parents should jeopardize the relationship from flourishing! Rationality should win.
If I try to answer that, the conversation could end up in a different perspective. I will try to make it just short. I don't think the culture is still outdated. It gets the "outdated" perspective only when it is compared with the other cultures around the world. I'm a strong believer that even in olden days there was no gender based discrimination, it is being projected as if there was one.
I still respect the way my culture restricts my relationship before marriage. It has been successful in the past till date. There are issues only when it is collaborated with the western culture. If you explore the actual reality without any recent influencial corruption to the thoughts, you might even agree to what I'm trying to tell. Many stories and references from scriptures acknowledge that. Well I think we will have that discussion offline. 😀😁
I'm not comparing our culture with that of others. The comparison I always do is between the culture and the rationality. There are many points that are rational and scientific that exist on tradition I agree. But the major part of it is outdated. Many who argue against this are, no matter whether the person is a scientist, must be unaware of the history! Anyway I'm not trying to spam this comment section. Let's spoke of it offline later
Hi @bala41288 😊
It pleases me very much to hear you found this post interesting and; also, that it brought you the understanding of how self-evaluation is important!
As for the statement you are confused about. Simply put, things go like this: from an evolutionary perspective man's stress system is indeed more reactive than women's. This is one of the things that helped us make it and not be exterminated by predators in the wild way back in the day when we were hunters and gatherers. It is important to react quick and keep that adrenaline going for a while in such environment.
When you say it takes just a few seconds for you to calm down and forget things; now, here, there might be an interplay between your biological reaction and your personality. The same goes for your mum :) This is why I mentioned in the post problems need to be resolved as soon as possible. When they aren't people fall into a cycle of negative thinking, they begin to feel resentful and angry. It becomes more complex.
Thank you for taking the time to read and debate things further Bala.
All the best to you :)
Yes, it could be an interplay as you said. I understand the importance of solving problems immediately then and there. Thanks for your explanation Abi. 😀