hello @abigail-dantes i hope you are doing ok tonight? And you are welcome.
Firstly, I will like to thank you greatly for your condolences. I'm also really sorry for the loved ones u've lost in the past. Losing loved ones is an unpleasant experience and a thing that touches the soul, it destabilises a person. But thank God for people like you who are there to profer help, its indeed a marvelous thing, knowing you.
Thank you also for your kind words about me, if I were a girl, I would have said I'm blushing right now, 'lol'. Your words inspire me a lot. I am so glad I came across this post, and as for this, i can never stop visiting your blog, never! you have helped me, I wish u knew how I'm feeling right now.
I will surely use your remedy for granny. And if it works, hopefully, I will come back with my heart full of joy to express my gratitude. Not only that, I will also come with Granny's thanks and blessings, because when all this is finally over, i must tell her about u and I'm positive that she would shower blessings upon you. thanks again for your good wishes towards my family and I, I wish you the same.
@abigail-dantes your reply has put a smile on my face, not the fake smile I've been putting for a long time since papa died but a real genuine one. thank you so much, may God repay you.
And as for your reply as regards my question, I asked that for a reason. according to your post, you said that Repressive coping is; "basically hiding ones sadness and feelings, but 'ploughing through the situation." And i said I must be clarified on something. Thing is, for those people adopting it, isn't it unhealthy for them to hide sadness, especially when it takes longer time to heal, as there is a saying that "a problem shared is a problem halved" that is why I support having a confidant, someone u can share your sorrow with, rather than 'ploughing through the situation' alone and dying silently. What do you say?
Hello @happymichael :)
Your words are so very kind. Thank you!
I can see you are quite intrigued by repressive coping. One thing we have to understand in Psychology is the individuality of people. For example, while for some people crying and sharing their emotions make them feel better, for others, it makes them feel worse! Or, they just simply cannot. Does this make them bad people or insensitive? Absolutely not! Don't forget here we are talking about strategies that actually work for people, and not things that make them suffer in silence.
Maybe if I give you an example of a relative of mine this will become clearer for you. He is my cousin. He was engaged for 5 years and finally got married. They had a beautiful wedding and moved in to a lovely house they had been building together. 4 months later he turned up in his parent's house with his car filled with his personal belongings. All he said was that he was no longer his wife's husband, that he was going to divorce her.
Can you believe he never talked about it? And, although his mother heard him crying a couple of times he never complained about her or about what happened or anything. The family just decided to let him to be. For nearly 10 months he was not the same guy, because he used to tell jokes, laugh, spend time in the garden with the family. For almost 10 months he just worked, spoke very little, he gained weight etc... no one ever talked about his ex. Everyone respected his choice. He wanted to have his 'me' time. Whether he cried every night in his bedroom, we don't know.
One day, when everyone was going out to a BBQ. He said: 'I am coming, too!' and that was it. Little by little he went back to being his old-self again. He totally 'ploughed through his pain'. It worked for him. But that was his choice. He had the entire family to share his pain with, but from what he felt that would actually make him feel worse.
We are all different! :) If you feel you need to talk to someone, talk to someone. If you feel you need to cry. Cry. The most sensible thing to do is to respect your own needs and feelings. This is what will help you overcome your distress.
All the best to you :)
What type of being are u @abigail-dantes. You are just so wonderful in all aspect. What! Taking your time to read the lenghty comments of your commenters. And also replying with lenghty messages carrying suitable solutions. Men, I cant say u are an ordinary being, You are an EXTRA ORDINARY BEING to me.. Woah! This is gorgeous. Thank you for every thing..
And more importantly, I now comprehend what repressive coping means now. Thanks for clearing me.. The scenerio u gave made It so easy for me to undestand And I'm glad your cousin moved on at last, but how he was able to not talk about it to anyone is really surprising. Hes strong.
Lastly, I must confess, your attitude is worthy of emulation. I really wish to meet u in person. God created u on a Sunday.
❤️😊
Im thanking u from the bottom of my heart .. I wish you all the best too.