Wow, @jassicania, you talked about imbalance, but girl, the comment is longer than my post! Now we're definitely off balance now!
But I know you share from a special place, and this is a topic close to your heart as well. While many can read about it, nothing beats experiencing the emotion, and having the opportunity to demonstrate the gesture first hand.
I agree as well that sometimes forgiveness has become a societal norm, only for the little issues, though. Like bumping into someone in the corridor, or mistakenly calling someone’s name. That’s a light sorry, a gesture of polite. Having said that, there are still fellow human beings who fail at that, but let’s let their rudeness be the content for another day.
However, when it comes to deeper cuts - words that sent someone to tears, sins that breach a sacred trust, actions that shove love down the drain and flushed twice - someone sorry become the hardest thing to say. Could it be because ego is involved, that during the process of justifying the act, we took things a little to personally, or perhaps even out of proportion? We may try to say that we were hurt too, and it was a response, rather than a reaction.
That too, I realised, is content for another post (see what I’m trying to do to game the system?)
I guess my real respond when I read your comment, or at least the passing thought, is that if we believe that all of us are one, then the act for forgiveness is not to pardon others, but rather, ourselves. There are many wrongs done to us in our lives, and yet, sometimes we place more weight on a selected few. Were we trying to extort something from the guilty party, or chalk up a “you-owe-up-one” on an imaginary score board, or just simply adding significance to incidents that frankly, were small matters. In the act of forgiving the other party, the moment we verbalise the words, like you said, we acknowledged our pain, our triggers and our reaction. We then become aware the next time we unconsciously built up a wall of defence, or try to ensure why putting up a smile, or before we lash out even. Goes back to ABC - Awareness Before Change.
If we truly love the other person, letting them know that they have hurt us, and being first to extend the forgiveness, may open up points of vulnerability, but at the same time, deepen the relationship through meaningful conversation. Should the other party exploit our vulnerability, then perhaps we need to uncover the motivations behind their actions. People are only as resourceful as the states they are in, and hurting people hurt others. And that, too, is indeed a post of it’s own for another day.
Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter. Truly appreciate it.
ps. Your comment is 628 words long, my article is 381, and this comment is about 470. Let’s call it even? :)
I feel uber duper sheepish hahahaa, but hey thanks for entertaining my comment.
Ok on my thoughts on the ego part - us justifying the act of hurting others - personally for me, I feel that the fact that we do lash out is really our own personal reaction to pain. I feel that sometimes it would help if we can all see that all of us are in pain - of some form. It helps in relationships for sure. We become less reactive, and respond more out of love.
And of course, forgiving another, just the act of it helps our own acknowledgement for sure. :)
To separate ego from a person, is no easy feat. Rather than fearing it and it's repercussions, I guess acceptance and awareness (been repeating that word a lot), is much easier.
Life's funny that way. Sometimes we see a crack on the wall, and we would bang, drill and hack a hole out of it, just to get to the other side. But if we just take a few steps back, and maybe a few to the side, we will see that we can easily go around the wall.
Ego is that crack on the wall. Taking a step back gives us the bigger picture. Going around the wall means acknowledging ego is there still, but merely finding a better way to work with it. Heck, one of my coaches, Dave Rogers, would even ask me to dance with it!
Thanks for entertaining/dancing with my comment too :)
Dancing is really really good of saying it! Dancing under a moving rug, the constant change of ego. Yes. 🙌👌