Damaged dudes are my cup of tea. The heart wants what it wants, not what it needs. I will let myself jump through hoops all day long if that’s what it takes to get a good minute of tenderness. I will toss my needs to the side convincing myself that they don’t need to be met after all.
My name is Sabrina and I’m a professional self taught actress so much so that I live my life in such a state of inauthenticity. Worse is that I take pride in doing so. My determination to show up as everything that I’m not is the one thing that can’t be faked.
I’m not the average being. I’m an entertainer. I want to be a fun and exciting Sab to be around at all times. I will do everything in my power to achieve that goal on the daily - even if it’s at the expense of my own needs.
Everyday of my life I show up as a bundle of joy. I pretend to live in a permanent state of happiness. There’s a twisted sense of satisfaction that I get from bringing confusion to the people to whom I disclose what truly goes on inside my mind. How could it be? Aren’t I the perfect embodiment of positivity?
I’ve been mastering the art of living up to this persona for decades. The idea of potentially letting go of it is awfully frightening as it comes with one big risk - the one of not being liked.
I would rather live life as a false version of myself than risk living it being who is to be found under the layers of relational traumas.
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