I can relate.... Thank you for your honesty with this. Truly. You got my tiny tiny upvote at my full power - whatever that is at this moment. This is not, sadly, a meritocracy, but it is what it is. Maybe one of these days initiatives like yours and ours (@IsleofWrite) would indeed be able to help those deserving minnows in meaningful ways, but alas, for now, it seems that we need to kiss the right ass.
Or the many smaller right asses :-)
Best to you and I'll follow to see how this plays out for you.