When a man musters the courage to express something bothering him, it's a significant moment. Men often don't readily share their feelings, so when they do, it's a sign that it's something he genuinely care about.
Keep this in mind when he opens up...
It's not criticism.
A lot of men struggle with women taking things too personally. He brings up an issue that he has, and suddenly, you're getting upset. It makes him feel like he can't break things up anymore instead of genuinely trying to understand his point of view on things. You jumped to the conclusion that he was attacking you. When that couldn't be further from the truth, he's bringing things up because he's feeling discomfort. He may even be concerned about his well-being, whether it's his mental health. And for a man to bring up something that bothers him requires a lot of trust. He trusts that you won't use it against him. He trusts that you'll take it seriously. So take that as a compliment.
He wants to be heard and understood.
Who wouldn't? Validate him. Listen to him. Give him a chance to get it all out before you say something. And if it's an issue that needs to be worked out, discuss it. Make sure you understand his point of view on it. If he's getting emotional, know it bothers him, and listen to him. Acknowledging his feelings will help his anger dissipate. And if he regularly raises his voice Or sometimes his feelings come out a little off. Keep in mind that a lot of men have been taught not to express themselves. He may have little experience in this area, but with you consistently acknowledging his feelings, being there for him, and supporting him over time, he'll get better at this.
And maybe during another time when things aren't heated, you could even discuss that with him. If he's yelling and it's triggering you a little bit, you can discuss that with him and see if there's another way that he can communicate with you. Where you both are happy, and you're both getting your needs met.
Accept him for who he is.
Men spend their entire lives being told how to be. How to act? How to dress? How do I get that promotion? Their value as a person depends on it. They are seen as nobodies or worthless if they cannot accomplish certain things. He doesn't want to have to compete with you. He wants to have a place with you. Where he can open up when needed and get support, it's the one place that he can do that. Accept him for who he is rather than what you wish him to be. And don't try to force him to think like you. He's a different person that thinks differently. Suppose you try to force him to be something that he's not. Later, down the road, he will resent you.
Having him experience some of the things you like is one thing. To see if he likes it, but don't force it on him. Don't try to force him to be a certain way.
Also, forcing change on another person encourages them to push back, and then you're even more or less likely to get what you want.
There is a widespread frustration among men regarding the mixed messages we get, especially from women, on how we are supposed to open up more emotionally. We are told to communicate and express our feelings, but often face backlash immediately when what we say is twisted into something we never meant, and then long term is used against us.
Women say they would rather be alone in the woods with a bear than with a man. Men would rather discuss their concerns and vulnerabilities face-to-face with a rattlesnake than with the stereotypical woman, but they won't say it out loud because women would use that against them, too.
Not all women are like this, of course, but there are enough such women in our lives. It doesn't just mean romantic partners. Parents, siblings, gossips next door, co-workers... This gets reinforced all too often. If we still manage to trust someone enough to speak, and that trust is broken, it will never be back. Ever.