Personal development has become big business - a billion dollar industry. Millions of us have poured out our hard-earned dollars for dose after dose of motivation in hopes of effectively "helping" and "improving" ourselves.
Yet, the industry's become flooded with many charlatans, catering to our desires for quick fixes to our ails. Though much PD appears as though it's meant to "dig deep" and get to the roots where real transformation must occur, much of it has become akin to our society's obsession with pharmaceuticals - another huge money-maker selling people "solutions" to "problems" that have been defined as such to keep us hooked on a temporary alleviation of suffering caused by our lack of responsibility for our own health & well-being. It's much the same, except instead of popping pills to delegate our personal accountability and take comfort in the cultural conventions that we're "doing the right thing," we've read book after book and attended seminar after seminar, so we can feel good about "working on ourselves" and feed the illusion that we're "better" people, because we're "committed to personal growth." But as some of us have discovered after diving into the depths of the self-help world, much of what we've been told isn't all it's cut out to be - that our modern approach to personal growth has become a charade, overcomplicating the process of real development for the financial benefit of the industry, at the cost of our fear growth.
Yet for the most part, we've been given what we wanted - formulas for success and strategies for growth, without having to face the reality of the pain real growth involves. We've wanted a "feel-good" approach that stays in the positive, without having to delve too far into the dark side, the results without the struggle, the light without the dark. We've wanted inspiration, but only if it comes wrapped in a pretty package - motivation, but only if it makes us feel good. We haven't wanted to endure the intense growing pains to become who we're capable of becoming - and few in the PD industry have been 100% honest about what it really takes, instead crafting their marketing message according to what will sell best.
Our greatest growth cannot come from those we pay for knowledge - it comes from those whose presence in our lives forces us to confront every bit of discomfort that arises as we face the way we've limited ourselves and caused our own suffering. Some of our greatest growth doesn't come in books or seminars - it comes through heartbreak, betrayal, and disappointments. Our greatest breakthroughs can't come predictably with whipped cream & a cherry on top - they come following the agony of breakdowns in which our entire self-identities, assumptions about the true nature of our relationships, and views of the world are torn apart and demolished without our consent.
Our greatest steps in growth don't involve exercises in uncovering our limiting beliefs, but through the challenges of life to choose forgiveness and accept what is as it is - which requires being with the ugliness in our lives & the world, and shifting our views to see the perfection and beauty in everything we've wanted to "improve." Our greatest empowerment doesn't come through "improving ourselves," but exercising compassion with ourselves - loving ourselves unconditionally as we are, and from there, radiating our compassion outward - which requires us to find peace with all about ourselves and others we've resisted, condemned, struggled against, and stubbornly resolved to change.
Real growth doesn't revolve around goal-setting and achievement, preoccupying ourselves by being focused on an inspiring future - it entails diving fully into the hurt we've carried from our pasts, coming head-on to experience and transcend the torture of our greatest fears - transmuting the lead from our past to extract the lessons & wisdom and reveal the gold present here & now. Developing our consciousness doesn't have to do with "fixing" ourselves so we can be, do, and have more tomorrow; it's about coming to an awareness of the Divine order & perfection in everything, so e can experience a higher mental-emotional-spiritual quality of life here today - which isn't exclusive of the darker shades of human emotions, but entails being okay riding the waves of the best good AND the worst bad.
Too many of us have turned to personal development, self-help, and self-improvement in hopes of gaining control of our lives - lured in with the promise our flawed, powerless selves are justifiable so long as we follow some guru's recipe to attain total creative control over our lives. Yet, the truth is - what we're really after can only ever be attained through surrender - letting go of our need for control and all illusions that we're not good enough as we are. The truth is - there's far more we can't control in life than what we can, and much of it causes pain. The suffering only persists when we cling to the desire for things to be other than they are, including ourselves.
Real growth comes through our immersion in real life - exploring the depths of our complexity through our relationships' extremes & failures - not through classrooms and reading. We've bought map after map to find our paths to empowerment and higher consciousness - yet the path is the life journey we're already on. We've sold ourselves on believing the hype that there's a quick & easy route to empowered, inspired living - yet have only distracted ourselves with all the "self-work" from engaging fully in life, where our greatest opportunities for growth lie.
Let us not seek answers from authorities, should we want to change our lives - but rather let's exercise the courage to cultivate peace within ourselves first, and from there follow an inner guidance that has no financial interest in our chasing one-sided outcomes. Let's allow life to be our greatest teacher - not striving to escape pain, but dig for the gold of priceless knowledge within it's purposeful presence in the richness of life's emotional diversity. We don't need answers if we simply stop creating problems by resisting what is, nor do we need "qualified," "expert" teachers if we simply embrace EVERYONE and every situation in our life as a teacher with just the right lesson at just the right time.
Much good has come of the personal development boom, though much greater good is to come as we turn inwards to trust the authority of our own wisdom. Much wealth has been made selling us hope - though what immense wealth awaits to be uncovered as we put those timeless principles we've been learning into action, rather than chasing answers? What power lies within, if we only cease judging ourselves - learning to transmute our own dark energies instead of chasing the light? What treasure shall we find as cease looking elsewhere and open our eyes to what's both behind & right in front of us now?
~ written May 2011
My question is: Why should we always be motivated? Why do we always have to be happy? Where in the manual of our lives does it say that we cannot feel unhappiness, sadness, unwillingness? I doubt that our ancestors knew or read about self-help and many of them lived almost one hundred healthy and happy years. Nor have I seen that children have to be taught self-help classes because they laugh, they embrace, they are happy. We adults are the ones who problematize everyone, the ones who are unhappy even because of the weather. It has been in our time when everything is taken for a profit and some have seen how to make money by playing with the feelings of others. I believe in the power of words, of hugs, but that's chemistry, that's another thing. It seems ironic that in this age when there is more knowledge of self-knowledge, there is more suicide. People have to learn to love each other, to accept each other, but you don't learn that in a manual or in a weekend workshop. That's an activity with yourself on a daily basis. It's always good to read to you, @rok-sivante!
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God you are smart Rok. This is so true I am almost humbled by the wisdom on display.
First thing about personal development though is that is begins inwards. Nothing wrong with seeking outside assistance, but we have to 'conquer' ourselves first
Well, at least my former self was, given this is over 7 years old... lol. :-)
I used to hand out life advice and tried to solve people's problems for them. Of course it never worked. Then someone told me, "You can't solve people's problems. Everyone knows the solutions to their problems, they just don't want to do them." So now when someone has an issue I just nod my head and pretend to listen, which is what they really wanted in the first place.
That’s wisdom right there. ;-)
Well written, I've been going through many positive changes recently but they were the result of years of work and development. One of the best decisions I ever made was giving up pharmaceuticals as well as marijuana, both of which made my depression and anxiety worse. As you said, confronting the reality of why these negative thoughts pop up in my head and painfully tracing them back to their origin helped to properly frame them so I can act accordingly. They didn't necessarily go away, but now when they show up I have the power to tell those thoughts to fuck off and go about my business and continuing my growth.
@rok-sivante, Yes, Personal Development is really vital but for sure it's not an course and something related to the Schedule, instead it's related to our pursuing of thoughts and discipline, specially the study of inner world.
Yes, still people depend upon others when it comes to their improvement and development, but it's our job and we have to concentrate upon that and we have to improve ourselves through the Self Introspection.
Yes, the most negative point which follows by people is, they need easy path and they sometimes don't want to put efforts to improve in life, and this approach inturn will going to push us towards undeveloped situations.
We read life in an negative way that's why we face more pain and that means, if we face any issue then we will thing like, this should not happen to me, and we try to run from it, but this is the stage which arises to help us by pulling out us from the comfort zone which is gifting us Stagnancy.
If we want to attain success then first of all we have to face our fears and we have to overcome from it and that is because, our fears are real obstacles which always stand like hurdles in our path to stop us.
Wishing you an great day and stay blessed. 🙂
Of course, when the values and priorities imposed by the society take their place, and the personality achieves self-awareness then growth begins. @automation @banjo @cleverbot,
I fight this daily in weight loss coaching. I'm normally working with morbidly obese women. I lose them to the Big Beautiful Woman (BBW) movement. This is where you love yourself at every size and forget about the health risks, the bullying, the inability to find clothes, and the fear of breaking chairs if you sit on them.
It's much more appealing to pretend everything is ok than to work on fixing the actual problem.
I remember a saying "the winner never quit. The quiter never win" we stop learning we stop growing.
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It takes courage to seek help. It takes even more courage to help yourself (but it is so much more worth it).
amazing ... pleasant experience.
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