Ohhhh you express it so well - even if a loved one is almost age 100, it's hard to let them go.
And this!
"When you live on the other side of the world, far away from your family, every time you see someone, you know it may be the last time you see him/her. You know it, and yet, when it turns out to be true, it’s still so hard to believe."
Sharing this via Facebook and Twitter.
Lost one grandpa when I was age 5, the other at age 12.
Now my dad is 89 and fading away.
He and my mom have buried three daughters... 3 outta 5 ...
The first one may have died swiftly (we hope) but for four months she was missing, and the Not Knowing is worse than knowing. We are actually fortunate that her body was found. Too many other cold cases go on for decades with no body ever found....
Second sister battled leukemia for 27 years (more than half her life), and the last five years were brutal, on dialysis, and watching her become bedridden...
The third one fought a horrific and painful battle with stomach cancer. It lasted for months.
Now our dad has been staying alive long beyond what anyone might expect, and I wonder why some people last so long when death would be a release from their suffering.
A friend told me he is terrible at condolences. When his classmate's dad dropped dead suddenly and unexpectedly, Andy said, "That lucky SOB," because the father did not suffer that long, painful demise. I assured him I too might have said something as shocking as that... we can be careless with words....
But you, @boxcarblue, have a way with words, as you already know, and I'm confident your spoken words are also thoughtful (not blurted out the way mine all too often are).
Funny thing. That same friend Andy.
He really hoped his dad would live to see the next grandson...
But that is another long, sad story, and you don't need to hear it.
Just - you nail it!
You speak for all of us.
Wow. It sounds like you have lived through a lot of heartache and difficult times. I can’t begin to imagine would it must be like as a parent or a sibling to deal with a missing person case.
I wish I could say that I’m a good speaker, but I’m not. It takes me a while to compose my thoughts. Often, when I should speak, I don’t, or can’t, because I don’t have the right words at the right time, and my silence is considered rude or inappropriate.
Since coming to Japan and learning to bridge cultural differences and cultural expectations, and maybe just from becoming older and more experienced, I’ve come to understand when it’s better to say something, anything really, rather than remain quiet and in search of the right words.
Thank you for sharing your stories with me.
Wow, do I ever relate to this:
Except, far too often, I do blurt something out. Always regrettable. If you can find a safe platitude or innocuous comment - YOU GO!! - and I need to remember the Mortification of Silence along with saying the "safe," neutral, helpful things, not the terrible "OMG, how awful, your dad is dead" type of outburst.
Cultural differences and expectations - yes!
Americans are known for being blunt, with not enough of a social filter.
Going back to those 1800s Henry James novels...
Thanks for the kind words and oh-so-relatable confessions.