Christmas has been bittersweet for me. In childhood I was always excited about Christmas, especially decorating the Christmas tree and knowing there would be a gift from Santa.
But the years have brought much heartbreak at Christmas. When I was 16, my 5 yr old brother was tobogganing down the driveway, went out onto the main road and was strike fatally by car on Christmas Eve. There was a lot of snow and the road was icy. The video of that day goes through my head as I type this. I can see his sweet face and how he could never pronounce R’s. He called my little sister Rose..Wose. They were only a yr. apart in age.
It was a custom then to have the wake in the home. Our dog never left the casket for the two days Kevin’s tiny body lay in the casket. Friends and relatives came through the home to view his body and give condolences to our family. It was a total nightmare to come downstairs in the morning and see his still body in the casket. My mother was never one for outward affection or for celebrations and after this she definitely never felt right about making a fuss at Christmas.
Years after my brother’s death, my own child, who I named Kevin after my brother, was killed in an vehicle accident on Christmas Day.
It’s been twenty years now since his passing and I try not to be a downer at Christmas.
After my son’s passing, father was getting fragile and came to live with me. it was a good for me to have him around. It seems I was just starting to put up some decorations for Christmas when my father passed a couple days before Christmas.
I’m thinking, “What was my best Christmas memories?”
It has to be Christmas Eve, the night before my son passed. We celebrated Christmas dinner a day early because he was going on that fatal trip to visit his father Christmas Day. We laughed a lot and even talked about death. I told him, for some unknown feeling, you better not pass ahead of me. Our last words to each other were I love you.”
Your story makes me cry every time. Hugs, my friend.
Hi dear Melinda, I know you have your own heartbreak. ❤️ I don’t like to make you sad with what happened in my life but it is part of my journey here on this planet. Sometimes it’s difficult to see it this way but I have to be grateful for the time I had with my son. That was my gift.
I completely understand and love that you have this outlook on life. We are all just trying to follow our paths and deal with getting over all the mountains that get put on the trail, aren't we?
Yes, we must be ever vigilant as the path is narrow ...we never know when our world can change dramatically.
I read your story yesterday. It simply broke my heart and I did not know what to say. You've been through so much sorrow. More than one can bear. And I'm glad I met you because you are such a strong person. I think you should celebrate Christmas despite what happened because they loved it. And I'm sure they are smiling up there everytime you decorate the tree. Plus, I strongly believe they are not really gone...just locked in our hearts where we cannot see them but feel their presence.
You are wise dear Roxy. I always felt a warrior’s heart beating in my chest and it sometimes got me in trouble. I didn’t know until this all happened that I would need a warrior’s strength to carry on. So true our loved ones are not really gone when they live in our hearts. Stay blessed dear friend.