Sister Oyinkan, our sister in the Lord. Before and after brother Seun proposed to her, there is this list of other proposals she kept in her diary. Proposals from young pastors, choir leaders, pastors sons, fellow students even non-Christians. In particular, she remember how at diverse times she kept dreaming of getting married to this pastors son, brother David. He was what every young sister could wish for in a husband. Like others, she kept wishing that brother David will be “the one”. Eventually, brother David came proposing. Her dream was becoming real in her face. Oh! What a joy. She never told him “yes” or “no”. Hmmm!.
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Source: Google
WHO SHOULD I MARRY?
“And Naomi said unto her daughter in law, Blessed be he of the Lord, who hath not left off his kindness to the living and to the dead. And Naomi said unto her, The man is near of kin unto us, one of our next kinsmen. And Ruth the Moabites said, He said unto me also, Thou shalt keep fast by my young men, until they have ended all my harvest. And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter in law, it is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, taht they meet thee not in any other field. So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz to glean unto the end of barley harvest and of wheat harvest; and dwelt with her mother in law”.
This is the point where it seems it matters most. The point of deep breathing in and out. The point where many have nursed it. The point where many got it right.
Source:google
While growing up, many of us, if not all had this self made picture placed at the centre of our heart. It was the picture of who to marry. However, as the “decision day” drew closer, it seemed the picture experienced some amendments especially because we were hit with the reality of life.
There are fifteen (15) questions i want you to answer before you make that life choice. Don’t be in a hurry to answer. Wait until you hear what God has to say to you in this chapter.
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(i) Is he born again? Yes ( ) No ( ) I don’t know ( ) He will be soon ( )
(ii) Does he have a life focus? Yes ( ) No ( ) I’ll find out ( )
(iii) What does he do?
(iv) Can i influence him? Yes ( ) No ( ) I think so ( )
(v) Can i forgive him? Yes ( ) No ( ) It depends ( )
(vi) Do i want my children to be like him? Yes ( ) No ( )
(vii) Do I have peace about him? Yes ( ) No ( ) I’m not sure ( )
(viii) Can I show him to my parents and friends? Yes ( ) No ( )
(ix) Is he ready to become better? Yes ( ) No ( )
(x) Can I listen to him and obey him? Yes ( ) No ( ) I think so ( ) It depends ( )
(xi) Can I overlook his past? Yes ( ) No ( ) It depends ( )
(xii) God’s choice or mine or my pastor’s or my parents?
(xiii) Does he believe in my vision? Yes ( ) No ( ) I think so ( )
(xiv) Can he help me fulfil my purpose in life? Yes ( ) No ( ) I think so ( )
(xv) Are we compatible healthwise? Yes ( ) No ( ) I think so ( )
Is He Born Again?
Well, Brother Martins, he goes to church, he uses Godly display picture on his social media pages, he belongs to a department in church and he looks like a Christian.
Right here, i am smiling. My sister, please wake up, its not just a dream but a nightmare
Sister ............................., you see, the answers you have provided are good. They are possible things to see in a born again brother but not sufficient to build your YES on.
First, you can’t know if he is born again if you are not born again. At this point, I need to ask you “are you born again?” If yes, congratulations. If not, please say (do not read inside your heart, but say) after me..
“Lord Jesus, i acknowledge you as Lord and saviour. I believe you died for my sins. I repent and ask that you make me w hole in Jesus name”. Amen.
After this, Matthew 7:21 tells us “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall entere into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven”. This is how you know who is born again.
Does He Have a Life Focus?
Don’t make the mistake of saying YES to anyone who is yet to define his purpose in life. Hear me, its dangerous to travel life with a man who doesn’t seem to be stable. Strategies might change but his focus must remain the same.
What Does He Do?
Time they say is one of the greatest gift given to humanity. Hear the words of Late King David Solomon of Israel in Proverbs 6:9
“How long wilt thou sleep, o sluggard? When wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep. So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man”.
If he is not using his time wisely and judiciously, then you need to think again before you say YES.
Can I Influence Him?
He must respect, regard, honour and listen to your words and contributions to any matter. Where this is missing, you need to think twice. In Africa, there is this belief amongst certain cultures that the man alone has a say and an inheritance even if he is hte last child of the home. Of a truth, the bible refers to the man as the head, but what can the head do without the body and where can the head go without the body?
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed; but in the multitude of counsellors they are established”.
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Can I Forgive Him?
My sister, there is no limit or magnitude to the offence that you should forgive. You still need to look deep within and be sincere with yourself. Its possible he one asked you to tell him the greatest unforgivable offense from him that you can never forgive and you said none. This is between me, you and God. Please take your time to answer again, can you forgive him?
Do I Want My Children To Look Like Him?
I want you to listen to me at this point. There is a very high possibility that the brother proposing to you looks and act like his father or will act like his father in years from now. When you get married to him, you will give birth because it is part of God’s plan for marriage. Will you be ok with your child or children looking like him (complexion, height, stature, eye balls, nose shape) and behave like him?
“And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image and called his name Seth”. (Romans 5:3)
Do I Have Peace About Him?
“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts”. (Colossians 3:15)
People do not make progress except there is peace. Whatever you do in the absence of peace, soon crumbles bythe prevailing weather or natural course of event. Do not accept or say a yes if your heart is a battle field as touching the proposal. You are advised to pray more, be patient and seek for Godly counsel.
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Can I Show Him to My Parents and Friends?
Whatever you are not proud of, you cannot be part of. If you know you will not be able to walk the streets, go to the games, go to the mall, attend seminars and do other things alike with him talk more of showing him to your friends and family, then you will need to think again.
Please note. You shouldn’t consider a man just because of his present worth but because of his life vision. Everyman needs someone who will believe in him and not disdain him. If you don’t and cannot believe in his life vision, then think again.
Is He Ready to Become Better?
“And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, add to virtue knowledge, and to knowledge temperance, and to temperance patience, and to patience godliness, and to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness charity”.
Whoever adds virtue to himself will remove hardship from himself. The man you are about to say YES to should be a man who is always making attempt to become better.
Can I Listen to Him and Obey Him?
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God”. (Ephesians 5:21). My sister, your past experience or present state must not be a reason not to listen or obey him. Added to this, you two are always at loggerhead or little or inconsequential matters, please think again.
Can I Overlook His Past?
I beseech you by the mercies of God, do not allow emotion cloud your judgement as you answer this question. The past is history, the present is news and the future is a foresight. The past has passed away, look forward to the future.
God’s Choice?
I have a pressing need to tell you to give a sincere answer to this question. Is he God’s choice or your parents, or your friends, or your pastors or even your choice. This is not to say your parents, friends or pastors cannot discern to help you choose but you must know this is a decision for the next thirty, forty, fifty, sixty or more years of your life. You can doubt what you hear, but you cannot doubt what you see. Open your heart to see.
Does He Believe in My Purpose?
“And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time”. (Judges 4:4)
My sister, what is your purpose in life? Please write it down here ..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Do not consider marriage if you are yet to know your purpose in life. I beg you to stop and redefine your life.
The purpose of a television set is to display moving objects with sound. The purpose of radio is to produce meaningful sounds carried through electromagnetic waves. The purpose of a newspaper is to carry letters for reading. Together, these three have the general purpose of news, entertainment, education, persuasion and information yet different in their individual purpose.
To marry, give birth, work, serve God and all others are general purposes. When you discover your personal purpose, the race of testing becomes easy.
If you have being praying for just a God fearing, loving, hardworking man, you might need to consider your prayer points again. Rather pray for a man that will behave in your purpose.
When a lion (carnivorous) marries a sheep (herbivorous), you know there is a mistake already.
Can He Help Me Fulfill My Purpose in Life?
If life were to be a relay race, then the ability of your partner determines your failure or success. Your greatest partner and fan in life is your spouse. If your spouse doesn’t believe in your purpose enough to stick to you under any circumstance, you can be sure of hitting the rock soon and it will take more grace to stand again. Marriage should not and does not subdue your life purpose rather it helps fulfil it.
“Iron Sharpeneth Iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend”. (Proverbs 27:17).
Times might come when you will need encouragement, correction, advise and more to achieve your purpose. Think deep.
Are We Compatible Healthwise?
Do not be spiritual to the point where you do not consider health factors. Medical principles are not bad provided they are on grounds that won’t lead you to hell. Ensue you go for all necessary test even before marriage to ascertain your genotype and blood group.
IF YOU MISSED THE PART ONE OF THIS SERIES, READ IT UP HERE
https://steemit.com/steemchurch/@deeambuiltandach/the-great-decision
THIS IS AN ORIGINAL WORK OF MINE. I REMAIN @deeambuiltandachi
90% of marriages now a days ended up in catastrophe not because they don't love but because they lack wisdom in things that matters after courtship/wedding and knowledge that produce understanding in marriage that makes and builds homes. Nice write up my brother. More grace Sir. Am confident the write up will go a long way to transform life, courtship, preparing marriage and broken home. Well done Sir.
You are right sir
Thanks for this helpful tip sir, I hope all can read this and learn from it.
That is my prayer sir