Wow. I can see how that would break you. Writing stirs my heart, but I couldn't do it while parenting for years. It was like a piece of my body was in a vice. I love learning that you have a family beyond the sister I know. And I love that you are a musical being. Do you have anything you can vent on dsound? I'd love to hear you. I didn't see any dsound posts in your feed yet.
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I feel the same about being in a vice. I had to download a karaoke app on my phone just to stop from going crazy!! I do have 2 tracks from my most recent band (from around 2011) up on dsound. I'm playing drums on them. Unfortunately, I sold those when we moved across country in 2011, and haven't had the opportunity (or money!) to replace them now that I have room again.
I'm glad you're writing agin, or if your work on here isn't new, at least getting it out there and speaking it helps a bit.