I think it is safe to say that there is an age and stage in our lives when we simply stop swallowing all the bullshit which is so often dumped on our doorsteps or thrown in our faces… or is it just me?! lol – well, either way, I know I have most definitely reached that ”part” of my life – and you know what… it feels BLOODY GOOD! Well, if you don’t know, I hope for your sake that you do indeed reach that point… it is enormously liberating not to give a SH!T about CRAP that we need not consume our minds and hearts with! ;)
UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME!
......
I sound like a complete B-with-an-itch don’t I?! Probably, but honestly, I don’t actually care anymore because I know who I am! I know what I am about and I also know that the people in my life that TRULY know me, down to my core, know how soft my heart is, no matter how tough my “outer” armour may appear – and really speaking… those are the only people that matter to me anymore. I am DONE with pretension. I am DONE with liars and manipulators. I am done giving of myself ENDLESSLY to those that literally do nothing other than suck the living spirit out of you - the ones that secretly WANT to see you fail and the others who shamelessly ridicule your individuality. DONE! Done with the lot of them I tell ya! hehe ;)
Perhaps this seems a little “secular” to some, but not to me. I am not “closed” to people of the world, I am just very “selective” as to whom I choose to expend energy on, and this “process of elimination” is born out of basic life experience. As an example - I have never been a hugger and this random “practice” amongst strangers is something that has bewildered me my entire life. Don’t misunderstand me, I have no problem hugging those that I have some kind of emotional bond with, but I am also a very energetically and emotionally driven individual and a hug to me, is an extremely personal embrace… I have never grasped why complete strangers would want to hug me… unless we had “shared some kind of epiphany or moment together”…
I used to get questioned a lot about this “perspective” and so I started to give in because I hated all the questions regarding it (so much for personal choice) - but it simply NEVER felt right in certain circumstances and now, I simply refuse to do it if I don’t want to lol. When I feel that awkward hug encroaching on my “space” and I know in my gut that I don’t want to do it, I have this wonderful secret weapon lol… it’s called an arm – and it ends in a handshake! Hahahaha! That - being one specific example of life, its exposures and how I choose to deal with it – it’s my choice!
Yeah, you can think whatever you please – so will I and then we can all be happy ;)
When we are young, we are constantly pressured to bend to the will of others. Our opinions, selections and decisions are CONSTANTLY questioned and this often builds a mountain of doubt within us as we approach adulthood. In many instances it takes one massive, or multiple complete meltdowns to get past this barricade in our minds and it is so fundamentally wrong!
None of us are “masters” – and even more so, NONE of us have the right to diminish, disregard or disrespect the choices or opinions of the next person. Somehow though, this is probably one of the greatest challenges for all in life… the letting go of having to be “right”… and I include myself in that statement… but as much as I continue to falter, I have begun to realise that the less of a shit I give of what people think of me – the more comfortable I become in my own skin and in turn… that need to prove oneself somehow starts to dissipate.
And alongside that - None of the RUBBISH matters anymore! Not the stares, the whispers, the opinions, the slander, the ridicule - none of it!
And THAT is a good feeling because then you begin to be able to fully express yourself, irrespective and at the end of the day – at least you can say that you were true to yourself and in my mind, that is what counts!
And you know what, hahaha... as I have just finished this post - added in the images, quotes and decided on the title (after going through a few considerations) I have just remembered that I wrote a post titled EXACTLY the same approx. 10 months ago here on Steemit - Unapologetically Me - hehehe happy to say I give even less of a crap about trivial nonsense than I did ten months ago!!!
Hahaha, completely forgot about that post... triggers....
ok, I have de-railed...
……
Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx
FOUNDER OF THE @STEEMITBLOGGERS
oh... and have you met my little man? @judethedude
Greetings, dear and Linda Jayne
Actually, there is a time when we need to with this related question to allow people to interfere in our lives. I'm not saying just interfere in the sense of entering without permission in our space, but of tecermos our behavior considering please others. This creates a certain "prison" that prevents us from living and make our own decisions, Yes, our course will always be dictated by others.
For that, we need to have self knowledge. I don't know you've read or watched the book Alice in Wonderland. In it, there is a dialogue between Alice and a character that I don't know the name. Alice asks which path to take. There the character question: where do you want to go. Then she, whatever. He: So whatever the path to choose ... that is, we need to have self-knowledge to understand where we want to be and how to achieve that goal.
Thank you for your post and good night!!
@julisavio I love the Alice in wonderland reference!! What wonderful input!! Thank you - comments like these are always wonderful!! 😎
This is so touching but true, you cannot be liked by all, there are some that detest what you do and how you live. Some secretly seek your fall, while there are also a lot of pretenders and manipulators as you put. So it is important to know yourself and dont allow yourself to float around. You can not please everybody so dont try to. Stand your ground, hold on to what you believe in and dont give a shit to what people say.
This post is an eye opener.
You know, when I saw the title of this post, it rang a bell, and then you said that you'd done another post with the same title. I was relieved that I'm not losing it. LOL. That said, and I think I felt the same way when I read the last one, that accepting myself, to hell with others has been sooo liberating. A lot of that has happened in the last few years and especially in the last two or so. Part of that is also dealing with the parasites. Sometimes that hurts, and what hurts is the recognision that one has been sucked dry. No reciprocation when the sh!t hits the fan. And you called yourself "friend"? Ha! Anyhow, I get you. And about the hugging, too ;) Well said.
@fionasfavourites hahaha truth be told, I think we are ALL losing it lol ;)
@jaynie Wot, me? Never! LOL
Hello @jaynie I am new following you, but the few post that I have been reading makes me identify more and more with your way of thinking and speaking, you see that you are one of those sincere people and that you speak with the soul, I am also at that stage that I do not It matters what they think about me and I know who I am, "IT IS THE BEST SENSATION IN THE WORLD" It hurts that it takes so long to learn it, about the hug I think the same, I do not understand why someone without knowing you wants to hug you is something very personal that we use to give affection, transmitting that pure feeling with a hug is something so personal that when a stranger gives it to me I feel as if they were giving me the kiss of judas.
Truly, thank you very much for writing, reading your post for 10 minutes makes me enter a state of ... I do not know the correct word in English, it's like an hour with a friend drinking the same coffee, not the taste of coffee if not for the satisfaction of sharing a good conversation, I say goodbye waiting for a new publication, bye :)
Sorry for my bad English, but it is not my native language, I do what I can.
@oneherrera No need to apologise. Thank you for the lovely and very heartfelt comment.❤️
LOVE IT!! I think especially as little girls, we have a culturally based push to make us "bend" for others, but with age comes wisdom! In my 30's I decided to learn how to say "no", not feel guilty about who I was or what I did or did not want to do, and choose to spend my time with only positive, like minded people. It was about a 10 year process, but by the time I hit 40, I finally had a real sense of who I really was. By 45, I was the happiest I'd ever been in my life, and now at 52 I still am. Good for you to post this; women are often seen as "bitches" for choosing their own life. It's a shame.
@lynncoyle1 thank you for the beautiful comment. and yes, its amazing how we seem to blossom more with age ❤️
You are most welcome @jaynie ! We can each give ourselves a big pat on the back then 😂
@lynncoyle1 hehehe yes, lets! 😎
I never was big on peer pressure. Of course I've been getting in trouble since I was about six years old.. It's funny because back then they were always telling me that you should conform to be like everybody else. Of course nowadays we realize that you should just be yourself.
A person used to get in trouble for that kind of thing.
@jeezzle yeah I can relate on so many levels... lol - was always the black sheep, but I think that was a part of the problem in terms of emotional processing as a kid, because "black sheep" are normally ridiculed and this did nothing for my selfesteem - but time, self-reflection and experience is a good remedy to all of that.
Thank you for the lovely comment ❤️
I feel young lady...... I am at the point in my life to where I really really really don't give a flying &@$# about a perception of me.
@bigblueleadsled hahaha love it!!! 👍
Yes yes yes!! 👌💋
@letsgetquirky ❤️😎
I was extremely fortunate enough to reach this stage fairly early in life and I can't express how liberating it was to hit this particular phase of my journey.
I think it is extremely imperative that we not only recognize our strengths, but that we are brutally honest with ourselves when it comes to self-reflection and assessment. It is only then that we can truly grow and become the best version of ourselves.
Thanks for posting and congrats on reaching this level of freedom!
@papacrusher You are spot on!!! Thanks for the awesome input! 😎
I think it's a stage that a few of us only get to when we are a bit older. Some of us are lucky and get wise much quicker (but not me). It's only in my mid forties that I made peace with the fact that it's okay if I am not liked by everyone; only the people who matter to me. I think many people struggle with this issue you wrote about.
@johannegauthier agreed... I think it is a lot more common than people care to admit.
(The letting go of having to be “right”)-In my opinion try to do the right thing as per the requirement of the situation and giving it your 100% effort is SENSIBLE.
Otherwise, you'll act dumb and then you the type of non-sense that can happen as a consequence. Therefore, trying to do the right thing and giving it your 100% is a SENSIBLE choice to make.
I don't know about proving yourself to others but living in CHARDIKALA i.e. always learning, improving and growing is awesome.
Why?
First, growth is the natural progression of life because it wants to blossom to it's ULTIMATE POTENTIAL/POSSIBILITY.
Second, if you become lazy and opt for comfort and convenience instead of growth then you miss out on a lot of wonderful experiences that you could have tasted as a consequence of your growth.
Third, if you aren't growing then you're moving in a backward direction. So not cool.
Finally, if you live in CHARDIKALA then you'll be able to become the best possible YOU and that's what should MATTER to you. Right??
@amarbir Thank you for the valuable feedback 😎
Your Welcome. 🙏🍌🍌
Wow, Jaynie. I had no idea you were ever in a position to have such struggles. I can't imagine people putting you in such positions. You strike me as such a sweet and even-tempered person, that I can't imagine the sense and evidences of conflict that this blog entry seems to engender. But, then, of course, we are all different in private than in public.
Nevertheless, I am very glad you've reached the necessary resolutions in your own mind and heart to overcome all this stuff. This doesn't surprise me at all, because I sense your strength too.
P.S. I hate hugging strangers too....
@mepatriot Thank you for your wonderfully generous words - they mean a lot to me. As for the hugging... lol - good to know I am not alone haha 😅👍
I'm happy for you @jaynie, I think that self-acceptance is one of most important things in life 😊👍 Always live the life you choose! ❤
good job friends success continues
@aldipasee Thank you
excelente muy bueno tu post gracias por compartir saludos @jaynie
@luisgonzalezx 👍
The only time you need to PROVE something to someone is when you want something in return from them. Otherwise, you can just enjoy living with everyone.
I respectfully disagree with that statement, @amarbir. In my humble opinion, if you change your behavior towards someone simply because you want something from them in return, that is one of the worst forms of deception. I would say - the only time you need to PROVE something to someone is... NEVER! 😊
As you say so her Majesty.
I am me :)) I think all time this... it is just me :))
@foxkoit ❤️
:))
I agree you must be yourself. We were all made with individual gifts and
talents. There are good people out here but one must still look for the truth in the human race. I have run into a lot of phonies in my life before l found those true of heart. Good post!
@luckyfellow Very well put! 👍
You got there so much sooner than I did (age-wise, that is). I hate to admit it, but as recently as a dozen years ago, I "gave away my power" (how I tend to refer to it as) when making decisions as a parent.
During that time, I listened to and acted on advice that didn't sit well in my gut, but I thought - "this person is so much more experienced/smarter than me, I should do what they suggest." Ugh!
Thankfully, nothing happened of consequence as a result (unless you ask my kids, who will gladly tell you they were traumatized beyond belief...LOL), and I've since gotten to much the same conclusion as you.
And, yay! Someone else who derails like me! LMAO!
@traciyork hahahaha my mom is always rolling her eyes at how we all tease her about how "damaged" we are lol!!!!
And yeah, we can derail together lol 😍
I keep telling them my mommy fails could've been worse... 😉
via GIPHY
And, YAY! 😊
@traciyork LOL!!!!! So true! 😅
This is so touching but true, you cannot be liked by all, there are some that detest what you do and how you live. Some secretly seek your fall, while there are also a lot of pretenders and manipulators as you put. So it is important to know yourself and dont allow yourself to float around. You can not please everybody so dont try to. Stand your ground, hold on to what you believe in and dont give a shit to what people say.
This post is an eye opener.
@princeso Thank you for your lovely input. Everything you have said is spot on! I appreciate your thoughts 👍
And who else could you be? :) I love dr.Seuss and I love this post, it is very powerful and so nice to read 💚💚💚
@zen-art hehehe true that 😍thanks hon 😎
Haha, all good things come around again. I am inspired by your complete confidence in yourself! It's definitely something I still have to work on in my own life.
@jaynie, this is me too!! I can't force myself to be close with people that I am not close with yet. Everyone around me is like "lovey-dovey", I myself can't make myself be the same. I used to think it's my problem and tried to force myself to but hmm, it didn't work out and I get worked out.
Thank you @jaynie for writing all this raw and real. I love how you actually look at yourself from 10 months ago to now. I'm learning a lot from this post for myself. I'm in my early 30s, still learning to fully embrace myself. This piece is certainly helpful! And I love who you are :)
Hi @jaynie
Great post.
The term 'journey of self discovery' is considered a spiritual thing but I would say it covers everything, even more mechanical/materialistic ideas. After all, is it not really all about what makes us happy?
I used to think that making other people happy with me was the only thing that mattered. Through time I have realised that this isn't getting it done and my soul needs more than this to make it complete.
You can look back on your life and remember mistakes you have made based on the crazy set of rules that you have , inadvertently, made for yourself.
I still believe in making the people I care about happy about themselves but now I know that I need to make sure that I'm feeling good about me too. The great news is that on our journey of self discovery, it's never to late to learn and adjust.
Thanks for posting and making me think about this.
Gaz