It was senior year and I had a wonderful history teacher. He was young, cool, and all the girls crushed over how hansom he was. For this story I'll call him Mr. R. It was from Mr. R that I learned one memorable lesson I've carried with me all these years.
Photo I took in St Louis on my first road trip out of state at the age of 24. I wanted to change the course of my life and traveled out of state to visit graduate schools all over the U.S. to find where I wanted to live. That road trip and decision to go to graduate school has made my life amazing.
Change Your Own Life
It was the day before winter break. We had a shortened school day and most of the teachers let their student chills and do minimal work. A lot of the student body failed to show up so the classrooms were missing a good portion of their students. In Mr. R's history class he was in a good mood and started to talk with those of us who showed up.
He started telling us how his father didn't want him to become a teacher and was hard on him growing up. If was Mr. R's passion to become a teacher and as he got older his relationship with his father deteriorated. He became a teacher against his father's wishes. He lived a happy life as a teacher and lost contact with his father who saw him as a disappointment.
I remember this was the first time he said "you have to overcome your upbringing."
First time I graduated college with my bachelors degrees. Arrow is pointing to me. I'm the short one.
It was graduation day and I was nervous. We were grouped into classrooms before the ceremony to keep us organized by last name to ensure we sat in the right seats in the gymnasium. Mr. R was in charge of keeping track of my group. We had a long wait before the ceremony and Mr. R stopped by and talked to each of us.
When he came to me he remembered a paper I had written for him. We had to talk about ourselves and how our past influenced who we are as people. I talked about my parents divorce and verbal abuse causing me to have social anxiety. My childhood was pretty sucky so my paper was probably concerning now that I think about it. My teacher asked me how I was doing and I said I was nervous.
Mr. R told me "you have to overcome your upbringing." He reminded me of how I made good grades and won the senior awards for art and computers/business. He told me to overcome my upbringing and work my hardest to succeed. I kind of felt he understood my childhood experiences from the story of his father. He was always kind to me throughout school and encouraging. That day I felt he had wanted to say those words to me for a while...."overcome your upbringing."
Me again...all I can focus on is how short I was....I was even wearing a little heel action to get some height.
Words That Stick With You
Those words of one of my favorite teachers has always stuck with me all these years later. I'm 32 now and I like to think my childhood didn't screw me up too bad. I know other kids who had similar upbringings who are in way worse shape.
I never did drugs. Never got into drinking. Never got into relationships with people who were unhealthy or abusive. Considering how crappy my childhood was I turned out really great. I got great grades in college and graduated with honors and then went on for a few graduate degrees.
I remember being a teenager and being depressed at how much life sucked. But the idea that I had to overcome my situation was inspiring. Mr. R turned out a good person with a happy life. Why couldn't I?
When I got to college I got into Zen Buddhism and learned mindfulness. I learned how to think deeply about myself and why I felt anger, depression, sadness, etc. It was in this time of self-discovery I really learned to let the past go for the most part. I found peace and with peace, I found happiness.
When I left high school I was driven to change who I was as a person. I hated my social anxiety and I pushed myself to be social and meet people. Over time my anxiety lessened and I became a "normal" person. I found my identity and the happy life I'd dreamed of for so long.
So that is my advice to anyone struggling with their family situation. "Overcome your upbringing." Don't let abusive parents, poverty, family tragedies, etc define your future. Take control of the situation and try your hardest to overcome it all.
I love this advice! We have a lot in common! Small towns, I'm 33, short, finishing PhD's, Buddhism. Cool to have found you. Yay Steemit :)
Over coming your upbringing, I can relate to this phrase ever so much! Beautiful post!
I think we all can remember a certain teacher in our academic careers that were a true mentor. You really had a gem in your history teacher.
He was a gem. He went on to become a principal for a while and had lots of success which is nice to know.
Interesting advice. It's interesting how much some people change from their teens and how others don't seem to.
The only advice I remember, in particular, was when my high school Spanish teacher told us to "look at the wallet" before going on a date. Well, she was a bit eccentric and it was the 90's.
Wow, this was a truly wonderful article @marxrab you definitely seem like a well rounded individual! We must overcome our upbringing. Also, zen can be useful! I'm going to be following you, keep up the great work
That is a good lesson as it gives our power back. And teachers like Mr R gems, they are the people drawn to the teaching profession because they want to make a difference.
👍🏼👍🏼 Great post!!!
Great post: those are the best lessons, end of term, and when half the students don't show up and you can just chat!
Zen is a great path, challenging, it's sorted me out over the years.
For some reason I'd assumed you were male, still, what's in a gender?
Karl.
Man do I wish I could upvote this 10 times!! I have been a pretty shit father quite a lot of the time...ESPECIALLY to my oldest who is 25. I wasn't mean, abusive or anything like that.....I did, however, cheat on his mom quite often, (we're still married, she's a freaking saint) I was often away from home when I wasn't working. Going out with friends, attempting to get laid...blah blah. I smoked A LOT of weed. Anyhow.....at 25, he's still pretty messed up....been kicked out of the house because he simply will not stop lying and STEALING from us. Smokes pot, won't actually hold down a job...he'll get a job and work a month, two or 3 but...then either stops going in or steals and gets caught...always something. This last time we finally put him out for good.....He started in on me. You're a piece of shit.....you were never around, always on your computer, blah blah blah.....Remember, he's 25, not 15. There comes a point in your life when you have to start taking the blame for the stupid shit that YOU do to YOURSELF. I live in the Permian Basin. People here can get a job without even trying that will pay between 80 and 100,000 plus with no experience. Sure, you have to work and you have to work long hours, but it pays the bills. He's currently working at IHoP, he simply cannot stop smoking pot long enough to pass a drug test in order to get a high paying job.
Anyhow, you're right.....You life is a huge series of choices. EVERYTHING you do, involves choices. From whether you get up to take that pee right now or wait til a commercial comes on, to whether you say yes to the person who asks you to marry him. The TINIEST parts of your life involve choice and you can make good choices or bad choices. From the time that you start high school every choice you make can affect your life. I'm so glad that things worked out for you and I'm glad that you had this teacher in your life. It sucks that some of us just suck as parents, but.....people like you and my 17 year old daughter who barely had me in her life and graduated a year early and is a freshman in college right now, let me know that there is some hope for our world yet.
Good luck to you, thank you for sharing!!!
I can relate. A lot of parents don’t really grow up and end up trying to live their lives through their kids in order to escape they’re own issues. It’s hard for the kid to realize it’s their responsibility to say no, especially when many cultures teach us to respect our parents, we need to draw a line, even if it affects the relationship. This allows both people to grow, not only the parent but the child too.
So very true. As a kid you just go along with what your parents want and you are too young to really think for yourself. You are right that cultures teach respect of parents. It's hard to grow aware of what is really going on. Thanks for the nice comment.
You are a beautiful soul @marxrab but I say forget being "normal". Blech! I embrace all the quirks that make me who I am in spite of (or thanks to) my upbringing. I've definitely found peace in the chaos...even if sometimes it means chaos takes over for a little while. :)
Our age is the age of enlightenment and the pursuit of knowledge. We live in such a time that there is almost no room for people who do not illuminate in the light of their knowledge, which is not equipped with knowledge at this time. For this reason, we must add something new to ourselves every day, and we should never spend our days away from knowledge.
I am studying under license. Think of your master's degree, to be a more successful engineering career.
I wish you success. I hope you always get success in your life. @marxrab
Good luck with your studies! I hope you succeed and have a rewarding career! Thanks for the comment.
You're welcome. And I thank you very much for the comment. I wish I had too much power and I could make more contributions to you. But 0.00 :) :)
Its teachers who make kids how should they see the world. Having good teachers is great and i hope you have great people beside you in the future :)
Very true. Teachers help kids see the world differently. I hope you have great people beside you in the future too!
Every day you prove to me you are a wonderful person...
Today you gave me great advice that I could use in my life and I could use it in my work for my students...
A month ago I was living a very tragic situation... When my brother @wwf told me few words that made me feel like there's someone who can feel me.
Those words changed my life. My brothern @wwf helped me with his words, although he also helped me make my account good. But his words were stronger.
Now I understand why my life has changed. I think his words made me Overcome your upbringing.....
thank you better friend @marxrab
I wish you a wonderful life with your family.
You make me blush with your kind words. I don't know @wwf but he sounds like a really neat person. If my memory is right I read he gave you a delegation which is so awesome! I'm sorry to hear you were having a rough time a few months ago. I really hope things are better now and you and your family are doing well.
no be sorry ... my friend @marxrab
Now I'm not interested in the past...
I have a new life and a lot of goals that I want to reach... i'm very happy
I just wanted to tell you that this post was good and I wanted to share my experience with you.
Thanks for sharing and spreading such a positive phrase. I teach head start, which is preschool for low-income families. Many kids down on themselves even at 4 and 5 years of age. This phrase can even pertain to them! I will pass it along for sure. Thanks a