How Americans Actually Invented the 5 Elements of Nature

1. FIRE

Are you for real?! Seriously, if you didn't know that the Good 'Ol USA created fire you don't know much about history. Ever heard of a "fire station"? Yup, that's the lab where they cooked it up, my friend. At least, you know, the more modern version of fire that we used to use to heat food and whatnot before we advanced to more technological cooking devices (I'm looking at you microwave!). Don't take my word for it, just take a look at the pics that prove it, fellow AMERICAN Steemians!

2. WATER

I know that you saw that pic above, right? Well, what more do you need, a back story? Ok, fine here goes straight out the Encyclopedia Britannica:
"In the beginning, the earth was void and without form. A great abyss covered the earth, except for that greatest of nations, 'Murica. It was those brave and industrious early 'Muricans, unborn, created in the image of GOD almighty, that gave the whole world the gift of water to quench their parched Neanderthal throats. Thus, the brutes could continue in their misery, and subpar cuisine-much like the present state of the world. For GOD blessed 'Murica beyond all nations and all peoples the entire world over... for generations and generations to come. Amen."

3. EARTH

This is really a no-brainer and I think that everyone knows that Earth, as it is known today, was created in the United States as well. Prior to American involvement Earth was like this:

Now, even though we know this is "Fake NOOz" let's examine this Old World propaganda piece... What do we see in this image? A really overgrown turtle! That's basically it... BUT WAIT, who fed the turtle? Well, what do you know! I only see the Americas pictured there. Must be some more of that "hidden in plain sight" conspiracy I saw over on their tag. Well, enough of that. Here's the real Earth:

Look at how big 'Murica is y'all! Boom!! Can't hide that in plain sight- it's too big (that's what __ said)! Here's the thing tho, this is from NASA. Where is NASA you say? As if you didn't already know...

4. WIND

Now wind is kinda tricky so I'm going to type a little slower so you don't have to try to work so hard to keep up. We actually created wind when a great vacuum was developed by the consumption of electrosiesmogrophicary detection systems used by Dr. Wilber Eyum Atsee. Dr. Wilber Eyum Atsee, definitely has an interesting story. He was actually attempting to measure the quantitative effects of polymorphic aminoluminescent biospheric fauna in the murky waters of the Gulf Coast. However, due to increased baristoma in the pistuli-delphanacullarium the project had to be halted in the height of summer. Increasing temperatures had the good Dr in a tizzy. So, he devised a plan for an invention never before seen by man. Behold:

5. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

A picture is worth a Thousand Words, unless it's a picture of a dictionary. I'd imagine that has more words... I never read one though. I did skim through it, but I can't say I actually READ it. At least not all of it, but this isn't about me. No, this is about the fact that this is really, the Undiscovered Fifth Element of nature. SO, without further ado:

CONSIDER YOUR MIND BLOWN, FOREIGNERS!!

Hero Standard by: Metanoia aka Major Payne

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galenkp (82) 7 years ago

@metanoia, this commando mission late on Day 1 delivered a body blow to the competition. Not only for steemwars itself but in general. Think of all those reference books that need updating. Hell, it's probably cheaper to just print out your post, put a hard cover on it and send it to every school in the world! History has been re-written. Nicely done! @galenkp.