- Are there Men out there who would really wait for sex?
- Is there really a difference between love and sex? Love and lust? Infatuation and love?
- All that a woman has to pay is her body?
- Why do men eventually leave when a lady says no sex till marriage?
- How free are the women of today?
- Has there really been a change?
Maybe not a change, but a different level, a different package.
All these are questions that plague my mind although they have been answered a million times yet I do not seem to be satisfied. I intended to write an article about the questions raised above but I found myself wanting to go back to the past, to see how love and sex worked and then this drama I would spend the rest of the lines writing popped up in my head.
In the olden days, the woman and the man often times loved from afar. They are not to be seen together always. They do not have enough time for physical display of affection. It is only on the wedding night that the girl sells her soul, her body and mind to the man.
The man is given a white bed sheet. It is believed that when a woman has sex for the first time, she sheds blood. Hence, the girl's blood is expected to stain the white bed sheet….
Let me continue this with a story below.
Virgin Bride
It is the night of Toromade's wedding. Friends and family are still seen around. Alao, the bride's groom is seen with his friends in a corner.
Ajao: I am certain that my Wife Toro is a virgin! No man has entered through her walls before.
Akanni: But my friend, women these days are turning into something else. They love to sniff what they should not eat.
Ajanni: Abomination! A woman should learn to close her legs tight! The days when Women will marry as non-virgins has not yet come.
Akanni: But tell me Ajao, are you a virgin?
(General laughter)
Ajao: Virgin you say? You talk as if you were a virgin when You married Bunmi, Bunmi, the daughter of the great fisherman.
Akanni: We are men. Life was made easy for us. That is why we do not come with two big oranges on our chest.
Ajao: Sad Oranges.
Akanni: The breast you see on the chest of women, they are burden! A heavy burden despite our seductive they are to we, the men of the world. May Olodumare not make me a woman when next I come to this world.
All: Amin… Amin…
Ajao: Two days ago, I practiced Sex using Asalewa
Akanni: Which of the Asalewa's?
Ajao: Which other one! I mean the one who dances like a snake!
Babajide: You disvirgirned her?
Ajao: Of course I met it opened! She said she lost A year ago to one of the white men. He promised marriage to her.
Akanni: Women are fools!
Babajide: It's such a shame and pity to be a woman. Ajao, we must bid you goodbye now! Your bride awaits you. It is almost time to perform your wedding ritual.
(11pm. Bedroom. Toromade weeps in a corner. Ajao, with a wrapper tied around his waist paces up and down.)
Ajao: Ife mi, eyin oju mi (My love, the apple of my eyes) I will be gentle. I will go into you very carefully. It will not hurt too much.
(Toromade weeps harder)
Toro: Look into my eyes and tell me you love me.
Ajao: I love you, your soul, your body.
Toromade: (admidst) Why did you marry me if I may ask.
Ajao: Because I cannot be with any other woman apart from you. You are beautiful, Ojuloge (Beauty lies in the eyes), Gbogbo ara loge. Apart from your beauty, oh! You are of a good behaviour.
Toromade: Tell me, what is the greatest offence that I can ever commit that will make you detest me.
Ajao: Toro! Why do you talk like this. You are the crown that sits on my unbefitting head. You can never offend me. You seem to me like the daughter of the river, the daughter of the earth and sky. Tell me, How can I raise a fight with this gods? What is it that grieves you?
Toromade: Olo mi, I am scared that this love that you pledge will fail you. Tell me that you love me once again.
(Toromade cups Ajao's Chin. She lifts his face closer to hers. She drops a kiss on his head)
Ajao: Take me down down the ocean where Iyemoja and her beautiful princesses dance. Take me there with the warmth of your love and your body.
(Ajao carries Toromade in his hands. He takes her to the bed)
Light dims. Silhouettes of Ajao and Toromade making love appears on the wall.
Light music accompanies the love making.
Few seconds later. Ajao screamed tragically. Toromade weeps soberly as she sleeps.
Full light is restored.
Ajao: (With the white bed sheet in his hands) Where is your blood? Where is your virgin blood!
(He begins to beat Toromade)
Toromade: You said you love me! You said I can never offend you.
Ajao: So you have been sleeping around with men! You have tasted all the men in this village!
Toromade: Listen to my tale! I am innocent Ajao.
Ajao: How can a woman who married as a non virgin be innocent.
(Toromade breaks away from his tight grip. She moves to a corner. She begins this sing a solemn song of love. She begins to dance, swirling disvirgined hands and legs in the air)
(Ajao listens. He becomes calm.)
Ajao: You should have told me you werent a virgin.
Toromade: have you forgiven me?
(Ajao moves to a cupboard. He returns with a blade. He tears his skin as Toromade weeps at the awful sight. Ajao pours few drops of his blood on the white cloth.
Ajao: I will show this cloth stained with blood to your families. We will say that you are a virgin. I will give them a full keg of palmwine, plenty tubers of yam. I will say I met you as a virgin.
(Light fades.)
Ext. Ajao's frontyard- Evening.
(Ajao is dressed in a beautiful attire to show that he is just returning from their families to tell them that He met Toromade as a virgin. He has with him a beautiful girl, much younger than Toromade.)
Toromade: My love, you have arrived.
Ajao: Did I meet you well?
Toromade: Yes, I haven’t seen this sister of yours.
(Ajao laughs)
Ajao: Sister? No, she is my new bride. Tomorrow I will marry her bestfriend.
(Tears stream down Toromade's face. Ajao and his new bride laugh inside)
They say Women are things, yes, Toromade became a thing in Ajao's house. He married more wives every day. She became a thing: Not to be touched, not to be spoken to.... Just there... Still, she was not allowed to ever leave his house. Else, Ajao would reveal to the whole village their little dirty secret.
What would she rather say that she got disvirgined be it rape or whatever, I do not want to know or she entered into a dirty wild game with a man?
Is she innocent? A victim or a fool?
Either ways, she has her hands tied behind her back by a Man! Almost for nothing.
It seems I just added even more problem to the questions I raised above!
Let's leave it like that.
Image Source: Google.
This is a serious movie narration.. Nice one there.
Thank God we weren't born in that generation where these things are the way to go. It wasn't funny then and those women were treated really badly. I saw a YouTube video(From TED TALKS) recently which explains that some women who are virgins, might not bleed on the occasion of their first sexual act. She explained by showing the position of the hymen and how the hymen was more of an elastic material that will only burst and bring forth blood if stretched to the maximum capacity as against the believe system those days that it's like a balloon that needs to be punctured and then serves as evidence of virginity as displayed on a white cloth.
Technology has revealed alot of truth to us and we are just the privileged ones and that is why we can share such stories as this for learning sake.
People most times condemn others for the crime they have committed. In this scenario, if sex before marriage is generally a sin, I don't know why men just assume that sin or crime is gender sensitive. The western world do not live in the cage of the thoughts that Africans still suffer from, where one gender is placed above the other and punishment is not given equally. I am one who still believes that love endures all things. Whether she is a Virgin or not, how does it add up?
It's a perspective thing and I think this generation is gradually adjusting. Ajao proved love in this story by covering her up, but in between covering up and taking a new bride, there must have been an advice or counsel from a friend he told. I pray we all learn from the mistakes of old and be better in our disposition in this generation. Thanks for sharing @mimy
Lol.......
I strongly believe that Ajao did not cover Toromade's secret because he simply loves her, but he only did it to cover his own pride/ ego (How will it be heard that he married a non-virgin?)
Of course, that's another side to the coin, he probably saw his own pride before seeing Toromade's tears and worries. Cases like this sounds interesting judging from afar. Lol.
Hmm..
Women has always being on the receiving edge. It's better to live in shame than to be trap in forever. According to the story line, she becomes a slave due to what was belief was be culture and tradition. She would have be a free woman if she had made her plight know to the world before she even think of marriage.
When will she break free from being the label "woman"?
Hmmmmmmmm.... The society we live in puts women in a secondary position. Making them subservient to men. This story is the typical case of a Nigerian woman, however ancient it seems there are still little traces in modernity.
Nigeria is a patriarchal society where men are seen as the dominants of the family ruling the affairs of the home. However, I am not against this as this is to put in order in the family but a bunch of men take this to the extreme leaving women out of important decisions in the family.
Coming to the crux of the matter as to whether virginity is still termed as important or whether there are still men that can say no to sex before marriage....
Here is my stand... I believe there are some few proportion say 5% of men that still controls themselves from sex before marriage. However little they are there are still men like that, that respects the wishes of their women
On the other hand, a host of men in the present world would prefee to marry non-virgins cos of their exposure. Sure you get.
Yes they do and would love to have one but such a virgin in the present world needs to educate herself to have it easy in marriage
Ladies help yourself...
Also, in the present world a woman who contributes meaningfully to her family can never be viewed as a "thing" or property as the case might be.
We live in a world of choices - it's up to women to be the change they want to see
I must confess @mimy, I am in awe of the way your express yourself in words. This is really beautiful
I wish we knew what happened to Toromade...the gender inequality thingie... Uhmmm na serious issue! Lemme not even start on that here! Beautiful story @mimy
I am speechless......virgin or no virgin, that should not describe love in this age and time. People have made mistakes and they might have their past, so to enjoy the relationship you have with them, you just let love lead.
When you make love with someone you love and who loves you back, it should not be moments filled with hurt and regret it should be rather pleasurable.
And if men will wait for sex before marriage........ I doubt it, just be sure it is not one that will cheat on you.(My opinion)
Waoh! This is a good story with lessons to learn from it.Do you know that sometimes I thank my God for not allowing me to come into this world so many years back because that would have been disastrous for me especially with all this old tradition. Though good but sometimes their application is always to the extreme.
Is just a sad story that Toromade will have to live all her life in pain. If it were to be this age or in some foreign nations she would have committed suicide. Atleast "eku ya ju esi lo" meaning death is faster than shame.
Men should stop deceiving themselves that it's a man's world. Now is nobody's world.
@mimy sincerely this story is touching and educative for both gender to learn from.
Women should be smart to differentiates love from lust and the men should learn to forgive because there is more to life than sex, virgin and disvirgined.
Thank you once again for sharing this lovely story.
Before I forget YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WRITE BEAUTIFULLY.(just a compliment)
Say hi to @ehiboss for me.
Following you. Keep steeming.
Nice one @mimy
Hmmm.... I really don't like what Ajao did... However, men are different and people make mistakes(Taromade) ... She should have told him from the start
Hmmm.... I really don't like what Ajao did... However, men are different and people make mistakes(Taromade) ... She should have told him from the start
great post @mimy
Well... I dont see the big fuss about marrying a virgin or not. I wouldnt care. That a lady isnt a virgin doesnt mean she would make a good or bad wife. But I personally wouldnt moce near a virgin though. I don't like seeing blood .
Mimy just made me a bid sad with this story