Before you read what follows, first let me express, that I love my mother with my whole heart. With that love comes life lessons to work through.
During my childhood and teenage years, my mother was not always an affectionate parent. She was loving, but not close. There were hugs and kisses good night, but you could feel some distance. With my father, you could feel the love pouring out in his hugs and laughter. My father came from a family of ten children and his parents immigrated from Mexico. He was immersed in the large family lifestyle. My mother, not so much. Her mother was divorced and was left to care for four children on her own.
There were six of us kids to love and support. I cannot imagine having to fulfill these tasks without feeling exhausted. My grandmother, my mother's mother, lived with us. Well sort of anyway. We lived in a duplex and my grandmother occupied the upstairs unit. Although, she was downstairs with us almost 24/7. My parents didn't always seem to be present in an emotional sense. Leaving older siblings to fulfill duties of parenting. Both of my parents worked to support our large family. My dad was employed in a foundry and my mom as a cook. My parents use to remind me of Desi and Lucy.
My older sister, child number four was the surrogate parent who took care of going to my choir performances, sporting events and would teach me the things your mother otherwise would as your finding your way from a girl to a young lady. I suppose this may not be so uncommon when you are child number five out of six kids. I think somehow you are lost in the shuffle of life in a big family. As your siblings get older, taking care of the younger ones is no longer a priority. Being out and about or hanging with friends becomes the want.
My mother would critique us kids especially when we would cook or make anything. Always standing over, tasting and expressing how it was ok, but maybe to add this or do that. For me growing up with this part of the environment, has caused some confidence issues or feelings of it's never good enough. This will be my life long lesson to work through and I try to.
When you're younger I don't think you analyze why your parents are like they are. I never questioned why and it wasn't until I was older that I understood why my mother was distant.
If you would like to follow along, I can fill you in on the rest of story.