Who Am I? April 17, 2001
Who am I? What a difficult question to ask someone. There is so much to tell, and also so little. I am me, an individual, not to be confused or interpreted as someone else.
I am organized and sometimes anal. I get angry when people are inconsiderate and rude. Ignorance and jealousy are useless and painful to both you and me. You see, life's too short for too much pain. I see more and more with each passing day.
I try to learn and sometimes get distracted. Staying focused is something I must work at. Broadening my intellect is becoming more and more important these days. I am challenged by many new people in my life ,and they make me want to learn. I have been realizing how much there is out there waiting and yearning for us to discover it and figure out what it is all about.
I am shy and straight forward, and I can not tolerate a liar or a fake. The truth hurts sometimes but it is always better in the end. If you don't confess someday the truth will come out and the outcome will be much worse. I like to be an individual because it sets me outside this materialistic world that we live in. It helps me to be stronger and know where I stand.
Who Am I? Revisited, April 30, 2001
Who am I? This is such a difficult question. A question that one must sit back for a while and really think hard about.
I still have not figured it out, and I think about this all of the time. I am not sure at times who I am, I know and then things change and I don't know anymore.
I listen to the words that people tell me and it helps me to gain more wisdom and insight on who I am and what I am about, but I think that the answer to this question is ever changing. We know who we are all the time, but there are misrepresentations lingering in our heads. When we figure out the difference we will then know who we are and not what others perceive us to be.
Who Am I? Revisited, December 6, 2016
Who am I? I am a loving mother of two boys, who cares immensely about what they watch, what they eat, and their education. I am also an addict, I struggle with this disease on a daily. Somedays are good, some even great; floating on pink fluffy clouds and life couldn't get better, and then other days are horrific; gut renching, heart breaking, would send most people to their graves. I am also a fighter and will not give up on anything or anyone that I care about and love. Which brings me to my passion, which is being creative and turning ordinary trash (most call it) into something beautiful, that other people can fall in love with too. I am a lover of photography, enjoying the beauty of nature, people, and inanimate objects through a lens, silently capturing moments in time. I am a people watcher, deep thinker, spiritual being, who is constantly moving, always learning and creating. I am a sister, a daughter, and an aunt, who distances herself from her family because of my mess up. I am a problem solver, which is good because it is a tangled web of shit we weave.
I love everything about this post except for two words. I will get to that, but first I want to say your honesty is not only appreciated its radiant. We are, all of us, many different things. To ourselves, to our children, to our spouse, to our friends. It's what makes us interesting. Okay, the two words. Addict and disease. We have been told from the time we were young that we are not in control. Not outright of course, in fact sometimes the very people who tell you that you are an addict will say that you control your destiny. But it's a tug of war that will pull you apart, because they are antithesis not symbiotic. You like chemicals, or a particular chemical. You like how it makes you feel, and also hate it with the same passion for the same reason, am I right? You think you are weak because you haven't given it up, that when you've made it through a day, a week, a month then "slip up" you are a failure. The connotations associated with "addict" and "disease" are self-defeating. They turn you into a victim. Even though by just this simple piece I can see that you are not. If you've gone to programs, or currently do, my recommendation is to stop. They ask you to talk about your childhood and suddenly you find yourself, maybe even subconsciously, blaming something or someone other than you for the choices you've made. But it's all you. It's in your hands. And every day, every moment even, is new. It's a chance for a reset. If tomorrow you don't touch this drug, you've hit the reset button. If the next day you do, oh well, you can hit the reset button again. Once you realize, truly real-eyes it's your choice it will begin to lose its hold. Those coined terms are a part of the propaganda we've been buried in our whole lives, designed to keep us in fear and take away our power. I know, because I have been there. And I revisit. They would call that a failure, take away your "chip" and make you feel like you've lost ground. Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book here, I just felt compelled to give you hope. Also, it seems to be a common issue among creative people, overdoing a substance. Maybe it's just because we're inherently curious. It's not the doing of it, it's the letting it take over that makes it "bad" for us. In my humble opinion of course. You're free to disagree :) But know that you are beautiful. And for you to be here, putting your thoughts into this amazing creative space, you are special, and you are stronger than you may ever give yourself credit for. Much love to you.
No, I agree with you completely, unfortunately there are certain things I cannot openly talk about since I am not anonymous on here, but eventually, soon I will create a place that I can talk openly. It is a struggle and it's real and I think that people need a place to discuss it anonymously besides in the "Rooms." Thank you by the way I appreciate your response and I needed to hear that. It's nice to hear what you are thinking most of the time, to some how validate that you are not crazy/insane, LOL!
Absolutely! I do agree that a private place to talk anonymously is beneficial :) I'm glad you're here and we can journey together in this fantastic community ;)