I visited Cambodia in March 2016. I had fantastic time exploring places of interest - in the city, in the small towns, in the villages. They shared to me stories of their own and each of the stories carried meaningful and interesting life journey of the Cambodians. As a writer, I take interest in any story told to me with great love.
First, I would like to share about a group of ‘important’ people of the country whom I managed to interview – some in Siem Reap and others in Phnom Phen. They told me about the gloomiest period of the time and the most horrendous episode of their life during the era of Khmer Rouge back in the 70s.
Here goes…..
How would you feel seeing your loved ones being killed in the most horrendous way right before your very eyes? The brutality of death was a mind boggling. Witnessing the cruelty towards another human being is something nobody could comprehend, and carrying the bitter memory in your heart (after years have gone by) is not in anyone’s wish!
Four decades have gone by after the horror killings of over 3 million Cambodians by the Khmer Rouge regime, many still remember the occurrence till today!
Chan Khim, a 44 year old Cambodian was one of the many thousands lucky soul to escape from tortures by the tyrant. He and his two siblings fled home seeking protection in neighbouring country, Thailand before boarded for permanent stay in the United States. He recalled back the unpleasant episode of his life with clarity, where details of the incidents were told as though it happened only yesterday.
“We were fugitives in our own country. I was about 7 years old at that time when the incident erupted, but was too young to understand the reason for all that. All I could see was people on the run all the times. Dead bodies were all over the place, helpless and skinny children at all nooks of the road wandering aimlessly. We did not have time to pause or to feel sorry for what we saw as we needed to be hurry in order to stay alive from bullet. We ate what we could get and there were many times we had nothing to eat at all,” Chan began his story.
He remembered one day when his older brother, Wayne who was then 11 quietly sneaked into the jungle to see what the soldiers were doing to the captured villagers. What he saw was something no one could ever imagine. He witnessed mass killings including loved ones before his eyes.
“My brother Wayne came back to tell me and my older sister that our parents were slaughtered to death together with many other villagers. He saw every gruesome death that happened there and some even had slow death, bleeding and screaming painfully till their last breath. Children were thrown upside down till they became motionless and died. Babies were hit against trees till their tiny body broke up into pieces. A big hole was dug where dead bodies were dumped in,” said Chan as he was holding back his tears when he told how they killed his baby brother.
“Our youngest brother who was only 3 months old were tossed up and shot with a rifle,” he mourned.
There were at times some silent moments in between the interviews, perhaps allowing both sides (interviewer and interviewee) to digest or to absorb the bitter truth of the story in a solemn way.
Chan added that those who became suspects faced dreadful punishment by the regime.
“What I could recall stories told by my elder relatives was that the regime would kill those who had ties or connection with the foreign allied, but the fact was that the victims were just poor farmers who knew nothing about any invasion by anyone. As a result of it, many had perished in the brutal way. Families were torn apart, babies and toddlers were separated from their mothers, young people were forced to carry out heavy tasks without being given enough food. Those who were seen sickly would be discarded from the group by killing them instantly.
The regime was always suspicious of the people. So they interrogated them until the victims had to confess committing things that they did not do hoping for to stop the torture,” Chan shared.
He said that most of those who were captured had slim chance for survival, and ended up being killed. The suspects were dragged to the interrogation centre where all kinds of methods were used to torture them until they made the confession. One of ways was to dip the victim’s head into smelly water until they almost could not breathe or pulling all the toenails with pliers until the victim begged to stop and so on.
Today, the place used to be the interrogation centre is called the S-21 Tuol Sleng Prison near Phnom Penh city, also known as Genocide Museum where the barbed wire is still seen surrounding the compound.
Killing field is another place where it used to be the final destination for the suspects who were seen as the traitors by the Khmer Rouge. Today, the place is an attraction to the foreign tourists especially those who are keen to deepen their knowledge and understand the history of Cambodia during Khmer Rouge era.
Chan lamented that those who were able, escaped from the brutality of the regime, those who were not, died through merciless killing. The cruelty went on unabated for many years. He and his 2 older siblings were lucky to escape with the help of one of his aunts who brought them to seek protection in the neighbouring country, Thailand. Thousands of the rest also seek refuge in the detention camp. Spending 6 years in the camp gave Chan the opportunity to relook at what had happened to his homeland, why it happened and so on.
“At the camp, many questions came to my mind. Even though I was too young to know, I tried getting answers to all my questions. I suffered so much from the absence of my parents. It was unimaginable having received no love from my father and mother. It hurt so much till I slept with it each night. It was unbearable that words cannot describe how hurting it was, losing them in such a devastating way” shared Chan with full of emotion.
“I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions - confused, angry, bitter, hurt, traumatized, depressed and felt empty at times,” he acknowledged.
After 6 years living in the camp and after having passed the interview Chan and his siblings and many others were flown to Washington to live there back in the midst of 80s. It was a special arrangement by the United Nation to assist refugees of a torn country for shelter.
“I was lucky to pass the interview in order to be given chance to live in the States, so were my brother and sister. We were excited about it. We lived in Washington and both my siblings are still there today,” said Chan who smiled occasionally but behind his smiling face lies threads of agony, pain and despair.
Another victim, Thai Sunary a 53-year old grandmother recalled her ordeal, though at first reluctant to talk about anything to do with Khmer Rouge.
“It is too painful for me to share my story. Though it has long over, but the hurt is still there. Some of my family members died in horrible state. Every Cambodian would want to forget this unpleasant event but we cannot forget it because our loved ones died in the hands of these heartless people,” said Thai, who seemed to be eventually willing to share her piece of experience.
She said she was a young adult just about to begin her working life when the family faced the ordeal.
“The nightmare began when we were forced to have only a pair of shoes and a pair of black blouse (shirt) and were not allowed to bathe. They took all our belongings such as kitchen utensils, jewellery, food, etc. The men were asked to do heavy work without pay, the women and children were forced to do field work without being given any extra food to eat except a small bowl of porridge once a day.
Life was really hard, sometimes I thought of ending my life in order to forget the misery. I heard women were forced to marry the Khmer Rouge soldier and treated like slave and some unlucky ones were raped and then killed. It was more than a nightmare to me. Many times I want to refuse to remember all these sad episodes happened in my life, but I cannot afford to,” said Thai in her soft Khmer language. She hardly speaks English and gets assistance from a young 21 year-old Khmer lady Sophearoth to translate her story,
Today, Thai lives in Kandal Province in an outskirt of Phnom Penh with her children and grandchildren. She said she is ready to leave the sadness behind her as she just wants the best for her grandchildren’s future.
“What’s important now is my grandchildren to have good education they deserve and be good people of the society so that the good things they have will be passed on to the next generation and never to allow any unpleasant event to hurt anyone in the society anymore,” pleaded Thai.
“Just as what the Buddha teaches us to be good to one another, so that the goodness will continue to be enjoyed by our next generation,” Thai concluded.
Sophearoth Phankhem, a university student shared her knowledge about the bitter experience saying even though she did not experience it, she could feel the hurt and anger of the family of the victims.
“My parents used to tell me many things about it. Even though I did not experience the torment, I am also deeply hurt by how many Cambodians were tortured, treated like animals and got killed. What I hear from the news nowadays about the Syrian killings reminds me of the story which was always told to me by my parents and other relatives. It is very scary.
I remember my father telling me the cruelty of the regime who wanted to get rid of all the people in order to have new generation where the regime could easily control over them. Nobody was allowed to have more than one pair of shoes or clothes. Not even 2 bowls of porridge a day. How pathetic is that. I hope that there won’t be any more of this incident happen in my Country. As a result of all this, my country is still poor and under developed. We just want to pick up things from the start, we need to move on,” Sophearoth was hopeful. She lives in Takeo province with her parents.
Having lived abroad for 30 years was one of the best real-life educations that Chan gained.
“I have lived in Washington for 30 years and I had good experience having to taste both non-developed and very developed nation. Of course, many would choose to live in a better nation for good. So did I, and that explained why I made it to 30 years as an American citizen.
In the early years of my stay in the States, my life became calmer, steadier and everywhere there were opportunities for me to have good life. One day, there was an ice-cream truck coming to the neighbourhood, I opened the window curious to know what the noise was about. I saw my neighbour children calling their parents for ice-cream. I frequently saw them asking their mother to get ice-cream whenever the truck passed by. Until one day, I forced myself not to see from my window anymore as I was too devastated realising I had no parents to ask for anything. But I was glad my two older siblings took care of me.
He added that his teenage life was not like any other teenagers who had everything they wanted.
“I cried every night for many years yearning for my parents’ love and care. I cried till I fell asleep with tears. After sometime, I told myself, this cannot continue. So instead of crying, I listened to my favourite Khmer songs and practised my Khmer writing. This is why I can still write, read and speak Khmer till today.”
Chan has two teenaged children, who are both living and studying in Washington.
“Both my kids are taller and bigger than me. I am petit as I did not have enough nutrients when I was younger,” explained Chan over his small-sized figure. He said he was involved with both good company as well as bad company back in the States.
“I learned my lessons well from both sides. Good company teaches me to lead life with good intention and bad company reminds me to learn from mistakes and move on.”
After three decades living in Washington, Chan had finally decided to make a ‘come back’ to his homeland bringing along all the bitterness of the past. He wants to build up his career having in mind the people of Cambodia whom he wants to help in one way or another by providing job opportunity and education. Today, Chan lives in Siem Reap some 314 kilometres away from Phnom Penh city. He operates a 3-star hotel called Siem Reap Evergreen Hotel together with his other older brother.
‘It was just over a year ago that I moved back to Cambodia. My first priority to my people is to educate them on sanitation and cleanliness which is still long way to go. I am determined one day the all Cambodians will rise and be able to stand tall just like anyone else in the world. Give it another 10-15 years, Cambodia will be seen as important as any other countries in the world,” Chan smiled.
When asked about his decision to leave Washington and to come back to live in Cambodia, he has this to say,
“I like it there, but I love it here.”
He said that back in Washington, everyone is busy with their own business and can hardly find time for a small chat with one another.
“Here, once I open my house door, I see people on the road, easily and approachable, always willing to chat and down to earth. I have missed having it for many years,” Chan quipped.
On weather his brother, Wayne would consider coming back as well, Chan said he and his brother have different perception.
“We both have different view about it. I choose to come back and he chooses to be just a visitor, but no one is wrong or right about anything. It is a matter of preference,” he replied.
Apart from the hotel, Chan has also just started his spa and furniture business, also located in Siem Reap.
When ones visit the S-21 Tuol Sleng prison, the Genocide Museum, a big plague with some engraved words imprinted, “Never will we forget the crimes committed during the Democratic Kampuchea regime”.
The museum is intended not to remind Cambodians about the misery, rather to showcase to the world how Cambodians have risen and will continue to rise and be recognised again as part of respectful human being.
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Nice post Lorena. After reading your post, I feel like visiting the country now .
Let's go. .. This would be our next year's bucket list
Seems like our bucket list is growing in numbers lol. Yes definitely!