This was not my first trip nor will it be the last.
About 3 months ago after an amazing Heroic mushroom trip, I decided to quit my job selling used cars.
because the owner of the dealership didn't care in what condition the cars were sold.
Realization Number 1: I don't have to sell my soul for money.
So there I was in my apartment with no job trying to come up with 1800 dollars in rent money.
Nothing was working all I wanted to do was play the guitar and sing.
I tried craigslist to look for a job and I just couldn’t see my self-doing anything else but playing the guitar and singing.
There were so many ups and downs sometimes I felt Amazing and proud of my self for standing up for my values.
Others I was crying and sobbing locked in my bedroom. for a month I tried working at other jobs but all I could do was sells and well I just couldn't do that anymore.
My ego was in trouble I felt confused, misguided and I Knew I had to change gears.
whatever was happening I was extremely aware that I had to surrender to this experience but I didn't want to.
I started to do my research to see what in the world could this be.
For the past year, I had been practicing shamanism while doing mushrooms.
I would do a ceremony and pray and meditate every time. I was sure this had to do something with it.
My first clue came in a shamanic article explaining in detail what a shaman in training has to go through in order to become a real shaman. Something called the Initiation. Turns out if you are meant to be a shaman this has to happen and it is what determines if you become a shaman or not. almost like the navy seals, you got get brave and fast no fears. Ego death was upon me.
I felt like I had received some higher guidance from the mushrooms and it was such a clear message that my conscious could not ignore it. Almost like looking at myself from above, my ego was full of fear and one day I couldn't even leave my apartment, traped in the moment of fear. I had never felt my spirit's consciousness so clearly and powerfully determine not to live life not being used by others and to do what I love.
Since I was hesitating and trying to figure out what was going on I kept falling after 2 months I was getting evicted and had zero money. the only thing I had left was my car, which I had just purchased before quitting my job. something told me I was going to need it and I always liked to travel but had not made any plans to travel. I had tried everything to pay the rent I had two other roommates move in to collect more money for the rent and eventually everybody moved out and I was left alone. at one point there were 5 people living in the apartment.
Through it all, I tried to keep my mind together with the best that I could. I relied on my meditations, sound healing music, Mantras, prayer. I finally decided to embrace this feeling instead of fighting cause things were getting worse and I could not control whatever was happening to me.
I have never been homeless but I was about to be I was facing an eviction and didn’t have any money I decided to embrace it and started to work from love instead of fear. I started giving people rides on my car just for gas money. I started to meet new people.
One day a freind of a friend wanted some help moving a couch no money involved. when I got to his apartment there were two other people there and he was living town and moving to Ashville NC. The two people that were there we also planning a trip to California. Then another friend who I was giving rides to doing the week wanted to go to the festival in NC. I figure if I am going to loose my apartment might as well do it with style. I decided to go to the festival and then go to California with the other two people after I came back to Florida from North Carolina. Love you guys. Mind you at the time I had no money to travel but all these people wanted to only pay for gas and I had no money to get into the festival.
will continue on following post
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