I've never traveled abroad.
In fact I haven't even been on a plane in my life.
When I was younger I used to dream with leaving Venezuela and go to another country to live, experience a new culture, different scenarios, and then come back with all the knowledge to my country again.
I never thought about leaving to never come back.
It wasn't a matter or patriotism, or love for my country, it just never seemed like something that I would want to do. My friends and family were here, it was a crazy thing to think about.
But things have changed.
Venezuela is experiencing a MAJOR migration trend right now. People are fleeing the country massively to go find a new future somewhere else, due to our horrendous economical, political, and social situation.
Inflation rates have only been going up, our politicians are a joke, and people are dying from simple diseases like bronchitis because there are no medicines.
But anyways, I'm not here to showcase the shitty situation about my country. I'm here to talk about me.
Because that's what I use the internet for, lol.
I truly have a dilemma at hand in here.
You see, I don't want to leave my country, but I also want to go away and forget that this terrible time in my life even existed (which is a terrible sentiment, and something dumb to do, but you know, I am human and stuff).
I don't want to leave my country because of my family, especially because of my mom and dad. Everyone that's gone tells me that I should go and try to make as much money as possible to be able to provide for them in here, to give them a better life now that they are both beggining their elderly years, and also to help my other relatives. And I mean, that sounds amazing, sure, but I don't think I want to do that because I have this opinion that if people continue to leave, then no one is going to stay here and try to make a better country out of the ruins of what's being left.
No one is going to stay here and spread good manners, or education, or sympathy for the ones staying here, and let's be honest, the ones that stay have it very difficult too, because people seem to have lost their morals and education. Everyone is starting to act like we're waging a war against ourselves, with your fellow citizen being your biggest enemy.
Compassion, love, and trust are getting lost in this crumbling country, and sure, I might be just one person, one small percentage of the amount of people living here, but I think that I can try to make a difference, and I don't want to do so by running away from the place that saw me grow.
Don't get me wrong, though, I don't judge the people who have left, and the ones left to go, I don't blame them for wanting to go away to find a better way to live, or at least to find some place where they feel safe and appreciated for what they have to offer to other countries.
It's not that I think leaving is a bad thing, it's that it scares me shitless to go away from my family, it scares me to think that one day I won't be able to come back, or to come back only to find out everyone here is gone. Maybe it's a dumb feeling, maybe I'm being overdramatic here, because I know that my family and friends won't be around me forever, but it is something more that makes me second guess the idea of going to another country.
I feel that deep inside I have this huge debt with my country, with the people around me (maybe because I am a teacher), and I want to do "something" to give something in return. Even if it's saying hello and thank you to the man who drives the bus, or teaching a new thing to someone in my university.
I wish I could help in bigger ways, I wish I could create some kind of organization for people who are starving in the streets, and provide them food and medical care. I wish I could help the schools and hospitals, the elderly people who are struggling alone because their families have left them alone.
Maybe I won't do much. Maybe wishing is not something tangible.
Maybe if I stay I will lose my life in a place where dreams are even harder to reach, where money is tighter and tighter every day.
I have this head full of dreams that I want to accomplish, but I also have this heart full of doubts and fear.
In the meantime...
I will just live, and expect to do something greater with what I've been given, while still not knowing if I should I stay or I should go.
"I have this head full of dreams that I want to accomplish, but I also have this heart full of doubts and fear.". You have a heart full of dreams that you want to accomplish, but you also have a head full of doubts and fear. It's easy to get confused by this. The thing is you are confused because you want to accomplish your dreams here, but you can't just yet. And you are scared of leaving just as much as you are scared of staying. But hey bae, you have all the weapons you need, now fight. Either way, you can be successful if you use your tools right. Listen to your heart for a moment instead of your fears. Don't listen to people. If you want to stay, stay, and fight. If you want to leave, leave... and still, fight. Think about yourself for a moment. Not mom, or dad, or people. Just Zena. <3
Right, head full of doubts, heart full of dreams. And exactly, I'm scared of leaving just as much as I'm scared of staying. I just want to help in any way that I can but also... my dreams are there, waiting. I'll figure myself out, hopefully.
Thank you for always supporting and encouraging me bae, it means the world <3
Seems like you already have your answers.
You dreamed of going traveling one day, but not to leave forever. You should. You should visit other countries. Find out what it's like. But that doesn't mean you can't come back.
In the meantime, you can work online to make a bit more. Not just here on Steemit. People that live in countries where the cost of living have an advantage over those that live in countries like the US and UK, when it comes to working online. You can work for cheaper and still make a really good wage.
Thank you so much for your comment, I highly appreciate it!
Yeah, I mean, I am trying to keep an open mind and see what I end up choosing.
But yes, in the meantime I'm gonna work online so I can afford traveling abroad.