in #vlog4 years ago

I'm just not sure how long I can do this.

This was the MRI report. I don't know what it means. At all. Im scared to look it up to be honest. Im not sure if moving around as I do, however so infrequent, if its something I shouldbe doing. I cant help but want to live, dance, move, breathe, eat, run, make love .....

You get so trappedby your own mind when you go through these things. We all go through, difficult, hard personal times. Ive just been stuck for so long. I cant bear it anymore.

I feel like I'm going to be put through these medical hoops forever...why not do it with contrast to begin with???? Why put me through this first step only to then make me go back and get one with contrast. Why all the games.

I think these doctorsare cowards to not think with their eyes, ears. Brain, sight, touch. They can see the detachmentand you ordered an MRI without the contrast?? Really?? The part that I need so they can see the whole picture???

I may go insane y'all. I can't take this obvious lack of integrity...because they aren't idiots.

Let's face it, I've been the idiot in assuming these doctors dont know shit. The fact is they do know. That's the worst part. They are all sell outs today. You're playing with the time I have left on this earth and I just dont fucking appreciate it.

So anyone know what that thing I tore?? Im scared to Google and obsess over it.


Oh! Friend with all my heart I hope and wish you to be very healthy and beautiful as always. I saw your video, it is seen that you enjoyed a lot in the sea, it is a beautiful place. I wish that your life is always happy and joyful. Greetings and many blessings to you. Don't worry, just have faith because everything will be fine.

It has to be. It will. It just gets worse before its better. There are some steps in the right direction. So to speak. I saw the primary care today tomorrow I see the orthopedic surgeon. It may still get harder. But it's not gonna be like this forever. So I try to do what I can in the water is wieghtless. Everything will be ok. Its just hard because im so close.

Yooooooo! That looked like a fun trip. Keep on living and going hard out there, if this can’t hold you down nothing can. For real for real!

Omg, i went back today. Ruined my torch, got sucked put past yhe buoys. Had to fight the currant with my raft deflating. Its funny how quick you move when adrenaline pumps in. Its like a swift, quick change in the wind happens so easy in Nevada. But i managed to swim closer to sore only 1/4 mile down holding onto a twig. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i was going down like the titanic crying like a baby. No footage unfortunately. That would be too epic. I mean i was scared. Luckily I had my phone and my best friend saved me. But I was hanging on to that twig and whatever was left of my raft. Got sone sun so.. ehhhh

Woah! That’s freaking nuts lol l. Its not an adventure until something goes wrong right? Glad you’re able to laugh about it now though...

Right... lawwwd