Today is my FIRST time... being a babysitter and spare mother to my ex-husband's son by his next wife. 😳 Please forgive me if I consume rather too much coffee this morning!!
After divorcing my Thai husband when my now 16 year old daughter was 4 years old, we had some rough years. Thailand doesn't mandate child support and he was not in a position to give it. Eventually he remarried a Hmong woman and they had another child together. Their little boy, Phet (his name means "Diamond" in Thai) is now 6 years old. And my daughter Ploi (means "Sparkling Jewel" in Thai) has rarely even spent a full day with him.
Welcome Covid, economic devastation to the Thai working classes, and little Phet has been living with his Thai aunt down in Sukothai for 6 months to enable his father to begin working as a Grab driver and his mother to work as a cleaner. It didn't go well.
But the years have passed, the irritation with Ploi's father has eased to occasional eye rolling and annoyance and he made 3 visits to his daughter this last year alone. Big steps forward.
Last week he stopped by with the little boy in tow, on a Sunday. He admitted to me that it's better for the boy to be in Chiang Mai, where he has love and discipline. But acknowledged how very hard t is to schlep him around all day in the heat on a Sunday when his wife is at work. It's 41C out there today. They can't afford to not work - he stays with his mom on Saturdays on her only day off, but Sundays are tough.
And so I volunteered. Bring him here. We can look after him every Sunday. Great for Ploi to get to know her little brother before she heads off to university in 15 month time. And great for him to have connection with his big Sis and learn a little English.
And so here we are. A spare mother for the day to the child my ex husband had with someone else. After years and years of acrimony and upset, we have come full circle to a place of peace. Where the children's needs come first.
BIG FIRST for me today! And him, I think. Lots of coffee being consumed.... 😆
Grateful for the growth and the blessings.
This is a great first and shows how far a person can move outside of their comfort zone. I was going to write something like, I don't think I could do this, but I guess I won't know what I can and cannot do until I'm faced with the situation and have to truly ponder it for a resolution. I always find something of value in your comments and sense a feeling of calm, intelligence and confidence in you. It's nice, so thank you.
Also, Phet...Judging by that legit house design next to him on the table and which I assume he drew...Architecture could be in his future!
!ENGAGE 25
I honestly NEVER dreamed I would be in this position either, nor that I could muster this much grace. Ultimately CALM is the magic word. It's not the child's fault his father made shitty choices (I mean seriously, giving ME up for a younger, prettier model???!!! 😆) and if I detach from our past and see only a curious boy with a cute smile, it's no longer personal.
Phet may well have a future in architecture... LOL. He's having a FIRST too - having only his dad's old phone t play with, he's never used a touch-screen nor played great computer games. I've asked Ploi to choose non-violent games that need skill and also use some English language. LOL 😊
I think men are more biologically hard-wired to worry about the children they physically created - sort of an evolutionary hangover. Women arguably have a more natural inclusive nurturing pattern - witness a cat who will happily suckle an orphan kitten along with her own.. I'm holding that thought when I get irritated today. LOL But so far so good - my daughter is a champ is doing a stunning job.
Hugs and happy Sunday to you. x
!ENGAGE 25
Crazy right?
When you get irritated it will completely fine and understandable...An when you do I'm pretty sure you'll not take it out on the lad. You're a good sort.
Happy weekend...Long one here for ANZAC day.
I forgot all about ANZAC Day!! 😲 Must be time to dust off an old Eric Bogle tune... And the band played Waltzing Matilda..
Enjoy the BBQ if you're having one. 41C here and we're taking the little dude out for a surprise to buy him an ice-cream and a pair of new running shoes - definitely he's growing fast and we want him to feel that he's special and important to his Big Sis, even if the last year hasn't been easy or happy. Wanting to make sure he feels welcome.
Enjoy the moments and KNOW you can always stretch to be inclusive, loving & forgiving. Cos if I can, anyone can. LOL. 😆
Shame!
I'll be forgiving...*You're forgiven for forgetting ANZAC Day.
ENGAGEtokens.ENGAGEtokens.As difficult as that situation is, I'm proud that you made it about the child and what he can gain instead of the disagreement between the adults. It's a tough situation for sure, I've seen the interactions between divorced parents and it's tense. At the end of the day though, I think the child will be far better off spending the time with someone as good a person as you and your daughter are! Those experiences can have a lasting positive impression in a world full of negative ones. Thank you for doing that for him!
That is just a stunning first. It's so easy to remain angry and feel betrayed and so hard to put a kids needs first. That is seriously impressive.
That bother and sister look like they are doing pretty good together. I'm sure that you have made a generational push here that will be felt in your family for years.