Last Farewell Unsent

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Would you mind if I still love you? Would you mind if things don’t last?
Even if it don’t last forever, I want to let you know…
-Crash by Usher

January. The first month of the year. It was cold that night when I went to your place and unexpectedly, confessed… drunk.

It was funny when I woke up the following morning and I tried to deny everything I said. I felt regret, embarrassment and a pinch of relief mixed together. Moreover, I hated it when you teased me about my confession. Later that day though, I admitted how true those words I expressed that night were and finally admitted those three words while sober. I was anxious about how you would reply but you gave me a big smile and hugged me. But behind those bright smiles, I felt uncertainty and indecision.

I didn’t know why but you just made me smile every time I looked at you. You were always restless, always doing something. It was always fun watching you and I’d never thought that one day I’d fall for you. At first, I dismissed it. I supported you and comforted you through your ups and downs. I listened to your problems and worries, especially those with your boyfriend and kept telling you to try and fix your relationship. It was difficult but because both of you were my friends, I kept denying whatever it was that I’m feeling.

Remember when you were mad then I kept smiling and couldn’t take you seriously? Well, it can’t be helped; you looked cute with those glaring eyes; And since I didn’t listen much to your rambling, you just turned around annoyed. Ha-ha

Several months later, I found out that your relationship ended a few months previously. The suppressed feelings I held back piled up and started to leak. That’s when the awkward confession happened. (I never wished for you two to break up and never did I imagine you’d break up).

Months flew by and I got to know you more and more. There were times I was gleeful like a high school kid and even saying corny/cheesy pick-up lines. It was embarrassing and even shocking too! Anyway, as we got closer and closer, I felt those uncertainties I sensed back then come rushing into me.

I was never equal to your ex. He’s everything I’m not. He had everything I didn’t have. Nonetheless, I never stopped expressing how I feel. And you never told me to stop.

In the end, I wanted to know our status or if I ever had a chance. Then you gave me a painful answer. Honestly, I partly expected that answer but I was seriously hoping for a different one. Just why can’t it be the two of us? I wanted to know why… but I guess I’ll never know.

I blamed myself! I was hoping too much. I had assumed wrongly that every gesture you made and all the things we did together was something… more. I was thoughtless, careless, and too enchanted by this strong affection. I hope I get tired already. Nevertheless, I didn’t want you to say sorry anymore. And as we parted ways, I wished that the next time I’d see you, I’ll never have these lingering feelings anymore. No awkward moments, no hurtful memories, and no more hopeful thoughts…

December. The last month of the year. It was warm that day at your place but it was cold when you finally said we can’t be together…

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But still, I l...

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^{-- end --}

Author's Note

It's a love story; an unrequited love or friend zoned of some sort.
A hopeless romantic guy writing his farewell letter to the person he loves but decided not to send it because the other person wouldn't bother anyway.
I first thought of this story when I joined @vermillionfox's One Paragraph Story contest. And this was my entry:
Cold & Letdown

I've been writing thriller fiction stories on my previous posts and this time I tried a different genre since I run out of thriller ideas. And I guess love stories weren't my strong suit either. Haha

I decided to use my drawing drafts as pictures for this post; changing the positions of the hand and editing some facial expressions. Character reference was from a webcomic, SIGNS.

Here's a gif I made from my drafts... and a colored version.

About the Author

Start telling the stories that only you can tell, because there’ll always be better writers than you and there’ll always be smarter writers than you. There will always be people who are much better at doing this or doing that - but you are the only you. -Neil Gaiman

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