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Those who know me say I'm a weird guy. I'm also very lazy. But with a little bit of imagination, being lazy can lead to some pretty funny outcomes. In fact, I am all too happy to offer this tale, as an example of how being pretty bored can lead to potential plot twists...
Oh, you're probably thinking that Plot Twist is an old marketing term for a plot twist, right? Well, my word, you've been around the block a few times if you knew that. Oh this makes me sound so sophisticated, doesn't it? Well, get ready to have your mind blown...
It all started with the phone call. But not just any phone call. This was the all-important call I've been waiting for. Oh, I've had my options, you know. Nearly bought my time capsule, but I'm waiting on funding. Three times, I caught my dog in the process of stealing the Christmas ham, but he did get me the previous time. And, I've decided not to read the ending of this book, but to wait for something more climactic to happen and then I'll discover the ending. This phone call was the big one, though. I hadn't ever been waiting as long as I had to hear that specific ring and pick up the phone to see the most important words that I would never know.
Anyway, here it goes. Either you've got the concept down or not, but I might as well tell you the rest of it.
I was a little bit bored. I'm not exactly sure why I got a phone call after all that time, but I did. "Hello?" I said. No response. The line was just silent. I was starting to feel very confused by this point. I didn't know if whoever was on the other end was there or not. Because of this, my mind started to get weird and wander to the bizarre. I was even starting to ruminate about how I might be receiving a special call.
I did this for a couple of minutes more. "Hello?" I said. Still nothing. Only one response came from the silence, really: "Of course they're NOT dead! I just called to hang up and tell you to give me your number."
What?!
I said, "Who?" I was taken aback by this admission. "Are you still there?" I asked.
A man's voice said, "Yes, I'm still here. Guess what? They're not dead! Says so right on their tombstones." Emphasis on his voice was spoken here as he spoke.
I said, "How do you know?"
"I've got a better cemetery map of this small town where I live than you do. I've been translating into numbers, I'm pretty sure, and telling my angels all about them."
At this point, I was completely taken by surprise. I had to say, "Wait, wait. Who are you? Why are you calling me? We don't speak the same language!"
"We do, too." He said. "I'm from a parallel dimension."
"That's nice." But I was still confused by this.
"I'm calling to tell you that we need an angel to do the most important thing in the multiverse-- stop the angel apocalypse! If you don't know, the world's about to end again."
"Oh, that seems awful. But, I still don't know what you need me to do with that."
"Well, it was hard to find you, but it looks like we need an ordinary human Angel to make sure the ashes of a new prophet aren't lost. It's important that the whole world doesn't burn."
"Do you really think it's about to burn?" I said this, because it had a particular ring of truth to it. "Why do we need a new prophet if the world is about to burn?"
"I warned you that it was hard to find you! Just act like you know stuff when you get there. They're expecting you."
"Where are they?" I said, putting part of the puzzle together, but still confused.
"They're in Florida, in this hotel. You should hurry, because it's not looking very good."
"Florida, huh? Why Florida, though?"
"I told you, I don't know the history of this place. That's what your job was created to do. Bury the ashes of prophets and make sure the world doesn't burn."
"But I don't even know what ashes are."
"You will next week. So, spring for a cheap flight to Tampa, come prepared, and then call me back. Have fun. And don't say I never did anything for you, okay?"
Then he hung up. I just sat there, staring. I don't think I could have made it easier for myself to have this call come up on a time when I was not at home, but of course there was always the time capsule I was saving.
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