I Feel Dirty

in #writing2 years ago (edited)


Am I a bad guy? I don't feel like a bad guy but I also feel like I was duped into doing something unethical. I was fooled into violating my personal code of conduct. I can't complain. I got laid out of the deal but I still feel mildly dirty and not in fun kind of way.

I really do have a code or, at least, a sense of right and wrong. I don't steal shit. I won't snitch on you to the cops unless you're doing something truly heinous like touching kids or torturing puppies. I don't want to kill anyone unless they're trying to kill me or someone else. I'm not all good; no one is but I generally try not to fuck people over when they don't deserve it.

Anyway, I met a lady on Tinder. We moved our conversation over to snap and seemed to get along well enough. I asked what brought her to that app. She told me she would be honest and I could take it as I would. She explained that she had been cheated on by her husband and he now ignores her sexual needs. She said she wanted revenge for what he had done but wasn't ready to rip her family apart. "Especially, not right before the holidays" she said.


This didn't violate my code. He had wronged her and she wanted to be paid what she felt she was due. He had his tryst and she wanted hers. That is not the way I would choose to handle things but I recognize a fairness in it. I can see what drives her. All she needed was a man who was understanding of situation and willing to be discreet.

We argeed to meet one saturday evening at a dirty, cheap, little motel. I paid for the room and talked to her on the phone while I waited for her to arrive. She pulled into the parking lot while I watched through the window. This the first time seeing her and I was unsure how true to life her pictures were but, when she got out of her car, I saw that they were accurate.

There was a moment of awkward small talk but we got down to business in short order. I pulled her clothes off, told her to lie down on her belly, and she complied. She liked to be bossed around and that is kind of my thing too. We spent a couple of hours in there making the cursty bedspread even crustier. I had fucked her four times and we were ready to gather up our things and go our seperate ways but not before some more awkward small talk.


This is where the night took a turn. She started nurvous babbling about how she dosn't feel bad about what she had done. I told he it was understandable, seeing as how she had been cheated on first. "You're only taking what you were due" I said.

"Well he didn't actually fuck her. She was a cam girl and he had paid her money"


We parted ways but now I feel like this chick is the bad guy. Like, I can understand someone being super not cool with their partner paying money to cam girls but what she did is a major escalation, right? Like fucking some Tinder rando is a completely different ball park isn't it? Shit, I would send the dude an apology but that would only make things worse and violate my no snitching rule. What would I say anyway? "Hey man, sorry I banged your wife a bunch of times the other night but I thought you were a real piece of shit so it was supposed to be okay."

I feel used and I just wanted to vent about it.


All the images in this post are taken from unsplash.com