Hey where you headed stranger?
Work.
Oh I thought you quit?
I did. I've got a different job now.
Oh where at?
The Tavern on Main.
Oh nice!
Yeah they needed line cooks and I needed money, so…
How's the pay there?
Kinda shit but I get free employee housing so can't really complain. Today's my first day.
Damn that's awesome! How'd you score that deal?
Well I found it on Craigslist and applied and got it. So I guess my references are good at telling lies.
Aww don't say that. I'm happy for you.
Sure. Thanks.
So hey are you still doing that online writing blockchain thing you were telling me about?
Oh. Yeah.
How's that going?
Alright I guess. I'm not getting rich anytime soon that's for sure.
Haha well neither are any of the rest of us, so…
Yeah.
Okay so. I've just got one more question.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And what's that?
Pretty sure you already know where I'm going with this.
Yeah. Maybe.
Yeah maybe, no shit.
Well out with it then.
What the fuck are you doing walking around with that thing?
What, this?
Yeah that, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Oh well I guess this is for just in case.
Just in case what?
Just in case I decide I don't want to go to work today.
Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do if that happens?
Uhhh…
Look I know it's an open-carry state but jesus fucking christ are you really gonna just walk down main street holding a fucking shotgun like nobody's gonna fucking notice?
Yeah I am.
Dude! What the fuck are you even thinking!
I hate my job is what I'm thinking.
You haven't even started yet!
Right.
You've been drinking again haven't you.
No.
Dude you fucking reek of it.
Oh?
Yeah. You do.
Okay.
So anyway where are you going with this?
I don't know. Do you?
No.
Yeah cool me neither.
So is this the end of our dialogue?
Yeah I think it might be.
Well here come the cops.
The cops? What the fuck?
Yeah I called them because well, just look at you man.
What the fuck man!
You need help dude.
No what I need is a fucking pig to point my shotgun at.
Wait what?
Yeah you heard me.
Dude you're out of your goddamn mind.
Yeah man I'm gonna point this thing at the first fucking pig that approaches me and then bing bang boom that'll be my forever exit. And thank god for that. Fucking unbelievable this life we're supposed to be living. I tried to take my exit a few years ago but I made the mistake of only involving drugs that weren't involved with the cops and so here I still am now. Fucking unbelievable. Did you hear about what happened to the rest of this paragraph? Someone actually tried to edit it, no shit man. I was just walking down Main Street with my shotgun on my way to work as usual when suddenly out of nowhere,
Hey where you headed stranger?
This post has manually curated an immense intense where-is-your-common-sense feeling of discomfort. Keep up the good work!
Discomfort you say? Weird. As I'm sure you're well aware most everything I publish explores highly positive, self-empowering themes with commonly featured topics including rainbows, sunshine, flowers, babies that don't belong to me, and butterflies. Not sure how this one hit so far off target. I will certainly be discussing this issue with my editor over a 30-pack of non-alcoholic gluten-free !BEER
You need to stake more BEER (24 staked BEER allows you to call BEER one time per day)
!DAMMIT
I wasn't aware you had an interest in babies that don't belong to you.
Don't worry about the beer, we can party when you get your first !PAYCHECK.
The babies that don't belong to me are the best kind of babies. Every time I see one I feel so full of gratitude that it's someone else's problem and not mine.
WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
This dialogue struck me as something you were having with otherbrandt, and I think one of you (not sure which one of you started this conversation) is taking the wise (or incredibly lame depending on your mood) advice of my tea tag tonight. It says Be nice to yourself. It's nice to see you two getting along so well.
All I was trying to do was write a quick update post about my new job and housing situation so all of my Facebook friends would know what's going on in my life and understand that in the very near future I might be a bit too busy to update my Facebook as frequently as usual what with all the transitions coming my way. Did I mess it up? I don't know how I possibly could have messed it up; it seems like such a simple thing. Otherbrandt says hi.
I think that whether or not you and otherbrandt are nice to each other, you can't mess up. You can't really divorce him. Now isn't that nice? He's your soulmate, quite literally. Aw, you are making me want to have an otherginny. I'm jealous.
I would definitely support an @otherginny here on Hive. Maybe to encourage her to sign up I will ask @otherbrandt to write a quick how-to guide since there are only several hundred of those already in existence and we could certainly use one more.
No good. @otherginny says that she is unwilling to extricate herself from primary me. I guess I should talk to @otherbrandt about that issue.