Stripped
original poetry
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Intro
formatting comparisonI thought it would be fun to show this piece a couple different ways and take a survey on everyone's impressions. First, in "free-formatting," the way I wrote it (approximated) by hand, then: plain centered. The poem discusses the feeling of everything discernible being removed as one's subtle awareness grows. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you have any questions or comments, and if you have any personal insight into the differences between the two versions I'd be grateful to hear about it!
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Stripped
(handwritten free-formatting).
When everything is
stripped away,
alone with the vanity & shame
of the egoic tightrope
I ponder delinquency,
degraded youth,
and time.
I surge through swollen value,
lurk in gauntness of grotesque starvation:
Tiresome extremes,
needless torment, the friction
of expectation & discernment's disease.
from this isle?
This caged wonderland of
harsh propensities?
This effluviatic cylinder
that vacuums worlds & men?
Bone-dry in the centre.
Murderous mindsphere,
Thought & ridicule
unbuilding themselves; Nostalgic heartchariot
that flees its dreams.
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Stripped
(centered formatting).
When everything is
stripped away,
alone with the vanity & shame
of the egoic tightrope
I ponder delinquency,
degraded youth,
and time.
I surge through swollen value,
lurk in gauntness of grotesque starvation:
Tiresome extremes,
needless torment, the friction
of expectation & discernment's disease.
from this isle?
This caged wonderland of
harsh propensities?
This effluviatic cylinder
that vacuums worlds & men?
Bone-dry in the centre.
Murderous mindsphere,
Thought & ridicule
unbuilding themselves;
Nostalgic heartchariot
that flees its dreams.
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Notes
.Stanza One
(When everything is...
discernment's disease.)
.
The experience of having all one's comfortable illusions stripped away & pondering the many years we have spent under false impressions. Questioning the purpose of the vast polarities of our chaotic universe.
.
Stanza Two
(Is there an escape...
that vacuums worlds & men.)
.
Is there anything other than this madness of opposites? Is there a way out from this chaotic cyclone of life & death that gives all and takes all away?
.
Stanza Three
(Is there an escape...
that vacuums worlds & men.)
.
When everything false is de-energized, the mind and irreal fantasies decompose by themselves.
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Written by
@d-pend
1/6/18
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Photos by
@violetmed
edited by @d-pend.jpg)
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I feel like the effect of the text should enhance or form part of the metaphor. I think you can say that the handwritten version kind of does that if the reader can see it and liken it to debris being pulled into a vacuum or some other conjuring that coincides with their understanding.
I like being able to play with the text and the visual presentation of my poems and feel kind of let down by markdown. I also like the straight up nature of good old left justified text with no picture (basically steemit suicide). I do feel that the centered text on steemit is overused, however, I agree that it is much more visibly appeasing.
I really enjoyed the concepts of this poem. Stripping down the ego from one's self is kind of like chopping off your right middle finger with your right hand. It might be possible, but it won't be easy or pretty when it's done. Nice write.
My dad explained this poem to me and i quite like it
This is one of those poems that makes my heart beat with fear of the unknown. I felt an awe for the unknown and felt humbled inside. I think everyone has had this "stripped away" feeling. the end of the poem leaves my in the cyclone with no way out of the vacuum. The reader "I" then begin to understand two things: 1) I am nothing 2) The way out is bigger than me.
As for reading, the centered version is easier to read and the hand form takes me for a trip that is worth it. Once again. I'm glad you posted the poem twice as it does need a second reading before anyone even attempts to comment.
This is a great poem, unmistakably of philosophical character..
you are a true art expert ;)
thanks to a sharing that left deep traces in people's past and future 👍
Ha ha, well I always prefer traditional left justification. It’s easier to read, brings more attention to the words, and is the preference of publishers.
Lol, I probably should have included that as an option. It's funny because I used to prefer it as well, but it's been so long since I used it I kinda forgot about it.
I like left justified that is in the center of the page (not sure the term for that) but not dragged to the leftmost side which looks odd and imbalanced to me, except for essays/paragraphs.
Thanks for weighing in @beginningtoend!
wow thanks for the post!
I can't decide which format is best. Both bring their own value to the poem. I had to read it in both formats a couple of times but still can't decide. I find that the stripped style enables you to use different tones when reading the poem out loud. I find it helps to seperate different variations of the meaning. I also find that the stripped style enables the reader to spend more time and gives greater emphasis on different parts of the poem. The centred style is probably the style that most of recognize the most. It can be read off first time with greater ease.
The poem itself is lovely and when given thought creates emotion which is what every poem should aim to do.
Thank you for sharing it with us.
p.s I can't upsteem as I am out of power otherwise I would. I have followed you and look forward to similar posts.
Dan
The second version is easier to understand.
The depth of human life and purpose is a competing philosophy of spiritual practice. Without God our life is just dust and you showed it in poetry.
Thank you @d-pend for all the support, now my family supports you.
we all are Gods of our lives, aren't we?
No, We depend from our decision but We are not Gods.
Cool poetry. I tend to gravitate to the easier to read centered version, but it's artistic the way the first one is formatted. Really nice color palette. The art really helps to break things up.
This is lovely
The pictures really got my attention
I found the centered version easier to read - perhaps because of just stopping to hesitate using the punctuation. But, I will note that my mind interprets the poem differently in the free formatted version because I hesitated at the end of each line while reading. Basically you have 2 poems! Hope that makes sense! I enjoyed it!
I find the free formation one has more character makes it feel more esoteric at the same time makes it harder to read so it's a tough call, Besides the format The poem is incredible the first few lines really get me
"When everything is
stripped away,
alone with the vanity & shame"
This is a masterpiece for the textbooks. I agree with @dobartim the second format is easier to read, the first one is somewhat distracting and scatters my energies. With the first I found myself double dutching chasing stanzas while trying to stay focus on follow the meaning and the message that the poem conveyed. Which is why I would like to learn how to center format.
I always like aesthetic so I would prefer second version for my eye.
There was a magician that was doing miracles. Many kinds of miracles. People were astonished. For them this magician was a saint. He was doing almost impossible things. Everybody were exited except one saint. He approached the magician and asked him: "Sir, everybody are happy, but can You free all those people from the Cycle of birth, disease, old age and death?"
Magician said: "No, I can't". The saint smiled and said: " You see, I know that, I know how they can be liberated from the Cycle of 4 miseries and what You are doing, everybody can learn"....