Here is my post for Day 1 of @mariannewest's Weekend Freewrite. I chose the prompt "cigarettes" (WARNING: this post does contain some mild "gore/ profanity" AND "drug/ addiction reference." Anyone very sensitive to that type of imagery may choose not to continue.)
"Cigarettes"
"Damn I want a cigarette even though it's gonna kill me--damn I wanna cigarette, even though I'm gonna die."
That was the phrase that first came to mind when I saw this prompt.
I want a cigarette so bad, it's killin me.
I woke up late one night last October with a dull ache in my back. Nothing new for a man in his thirties who moves around a lot in his sleep. But by late that afternoon when I woke up from having nodded off in my living room chair, I could barely fucking breathe it hurt so bad. Luckily there was someone close enough to help.
Thirty minutes later, I was checked into the hospital with a bi-pulmonary em-bo-lis-m. Them's doctors words for having blood clotted up in yo lungs--
Well say hello to fuck me backward, but I didn't see that one comin.
Though I guess I can't say I was all-too surprised. Huffing up to two packs a day before the embolisms, it's not exactly like I was living like Lance Armstrong.
(Now let's just hope that doesn't end up having been a terribly awkward, and ironic example to have used :/ )
I'm happy to report, while I did have to stay in the hospital five days, I made a full and complete recovery.
Or so I thought.
Actually, all was well, until, I so, so devilishly sucked down a new pack; then another, then another... Until just last week, I was yet again in a similar position.
Which is frustrating on multiple levels.
Of course, on the one hand--yes, it's my fault for choosing to take up the habit "knowing" it was "bad for me." (But hey: don't some people go their entire lives like a chimney, only to live to be 112 and die peacefully in their sleep? Yeah,
genius; "some" being the key word here.)
And it's my fault for picking it back up.
But those bastards are tricky... very tricky, they be. They're on every street corner... in the mouths of every passersby... (okay, now I'm just being dramatic).
Either way, I'm not smoking today.
I never said a damn thing about weed, though.
(you can find @mariannewest's original post here: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/weekend-freewrite-03-10-2018-single-prompt-option)
wow very excellent post Thanks for sharing i will done upvote..
Look how you can fuck up your life for a useless version of a pacifier.. authentic, well written and I liked the humour too.. keep it up!
Thank you for the compliment! I don't know if I'd go as far as to call it "useless," pacifiers can be quite useful, and serve an important purpose. (i'm not "excusing, just playing devil's advocate, as I tend to.) The most common "oral fixative" "pacifier" would be one we all "need--" FOOD!!! (Especially if you live in US, geesh.) .I've never struggled with that one, luckily, or I surely would already be ded ;)
Well you're right I was a bit drastic.. the fact is that I'm trying to make my dad stop smoking with zero results and I'm a bit frustrated 😉 Your analogy with food is correct and makes the point on the goal of all these "pacifiers", whether they're food, smoke, drug, facebook, smelling garden dwarves or any other entertainment that this society is capable of offering..
:( I'm sorry to hear that. When people we love "won't change," especially when it's something "for their own good..." That's the worst. My sister feels similarly, and I know much of her "harshness" is because she's afraid. And yes, there are many forms of pacifier. (I'm a bit of a Freudian, so I could talk about this for a while lol) . Incidentally, we cannot escape them. We are "doomed" to at least have some kind of "neurosis--" it's what makes us "human!!!" (and ha;f the fun, if you ask me... ;) I truly hope things are okay with your father. Perhaps telling him this story may help?? till next time!
Heavy duty stuff sir, best of luck take it easy, take care of your health that of course is priority one. Very well written laid out story, of all things the prompt is cigarettes eh? Maybe tomorrow's prompt may be a little more lighthearted.
I chose this prompt fromthe list ;)
I am hoping that this is fiction.... mid-thirties is too young for those problems.
I plead the 5th :) But, to quote Andre 3000: "Age ain't nuthin but a number (a number)..." And to quote one of my psychology professors, "The moment you're born, you're old enough to die." Lovely, right? ;) I do plan to create something a bit more "happy" in the near future, tho lol
Well - wishing you a speedy recovery and the means to kick the habit. My friend actually quit through freewriting. She kept writing about what smoking means to her and once she figured that out - she was able to let go. Some people want to step away from a situation and need the excuse of a smoke, or need something to do with their hands, or, or, or.
Good luck!
I said I plead the fifth! (you must be from USA bc apparently that means guilty lmao). But that is quite fascinating... Now that you mention it, I have not had even one puff of tobacco since writing the above post... How cool! Thank you very much for your support and care. Tell your friend "thank you," too :). Feel free to send them this post as a "helpful reminder;" or, vice versa, i'd love to get connected to some others tryna quit... (hmm... there may be something to this...)