Some great, some small,
If the way you see me
Seems different
Wait a little while.
―John J. Geddes
Refreshed
I looked familiar. I realized that when shaving this morning. I hadn't been looking like myself.
I know it sounds absurd but having a youthful appearance alienated me from the person I was. I remembered it as the adverse condition of being youthful―everything tumultuous, like a website under development.
But my bodily changes combined with the sense of being under construction were nothing to joke about. This was serious. It was about identity―who I really was under the surface.
So, seeing a familiar face in the mirror is good―right? Well, actually, it shocked me. Just when I was coming to terms with looking like a thirty-year old, the crows feet were back and grey hair was visible at the temples.
I felt like Benjamin Button on steroids.
This herky-jerky trip I was on was beginning to annoy me. I had been ignoring the symptoms but it was now plain that instead of going backwards as before, my body clock was now running forward again, pulling me back from my youth and propelling me into middle age.
In a way it was expected and understandable. I couldn't have sustained the youthful facade forever, nor would I have wanted to. I prefer the familiar―being settled and content.
Yeah, I surrender. I accept my place in the cosmos.
But then a shadow crosses my mind. I may accept my age, but will Cindy?
After my flu shot I noticed the signs―I was winded halfway through the jog as I was before my body clock ran backwards . And Blair Sommers lost her attraction to me. She saw me again as just one of her Profs.
It was one thing to lose your youth, it was another matter to lose people, especially ones you really cared for. Now, I had something else to worry about besides explaining the situation with Lori.
Would Cindy even be interested in a fifty-year old man? Maybe I should just forget the whole thing and write it off as a hard life lesson.
I was so deflated I felt like going back to bed. The day that had started with such high hopes now seemed dark and foreboding.
But as dispirited as I felt I realized I had to accept who I was.
It was a hell of a ride while it lasted but I was back to my old self―well, not quite yet, but sooner or later it would happen and I’d have to be content with the cards Fate dealt me.
I went through the drive-thru at Timmies for my morning coffee and curiously enough, Elaine didn’t notice any changes.
She smiled mischievously. “I hope you have a good day Prof and a wonderful jog after work to cap it off.”
I smiled back ruefully. “Thanks for the cheerleading, Elaine, I’ll try my best.”
But it was true. I had changed. I no longer had that exuberant youthful optimism, but it was replaced with a sober, more measured outlook. I can’t say I missed my youthful impetuosity.
I arrived at the campus early but passed on my second morning coffee at the Hart House Grill, electing instead to go over the day's lecture notes in my office.
I was fully engrossed in the task when a female voice interrupted me.
"So nice to see you around the college, Callum, instead of across campus."
I looked up to see Storm Saunders' smiling face in the doorway.
"Storm! Good to see you," I enthused. "You're right, I've been neglecting my office duties, but I aim to change that now."
" I understand your students take up a lot of your time, but some of us here still like to see you. By the way, the Rate Your Prof stats are out and your students have rated you highly."
"Thanks for the update, Storm and I appreciate your dropping by to say hello."
"I'll do it more often if you're available," she says flirtatiously, and gives a little wave as she heads off to her lecture.
Now that was encouraging. If things didn't work out with Cindy...
I stopped myself. What the hell am I I thinking?
I've spent a week searching for this girl and am ready to call it quits because I figure I'm too old for her? There's a ten year gap between us―Okay, fifteen at the most, but that's not insurmountable.
I still look young, or youngish, certainly younger than my age. Cindy was interested in me before I started aging backwards. Wait a minute, is that even a thing? I need a word for it. It's as if a computer page gets frozen and needs to be reset. That's it! I was refreshed.
But Cindy was interested in me before my body was rejuvenated, so she should still be interested in me now―unless, of course, she's decided I'm a perv and completely written me off.
Why do I even think like that? Damn, I can be a real downer, especially to myself.
I meet up with Lev for lunch and he's more encouraging.
"This is great, Pal―you're looking more like your old self!"
I give him a look that could kill and he realizes what he just said. His face falls and he looks appalled.
"Look Guy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean you were looking old―you're not. You still look younger than you did before, but you're back to normal, if that makes any sense."
"No worries, Lev―I get what you're saying. It's weird. The wrinkles are back along with the grey hair but I'm back too―a new and improved version―not different like before, just refreshed."
"That's right," he laughs. "There's a kind of glow about you that's healthy and vibrant. But most important, I don't think I'm conversing with a precocious adolescent. Your body wasn't just youthful―your psychology was affected, but that's all gone now, thank God."
I was glad I didn't stay home but plowed ahead and worked through my angst. Elaine, Storm and Lev all confirmed I was back but with a youthful 'glow'. I'll accept that as a win.
Now the challenge is convincing Cindy that I deserve a second chance. Come to think of it, I didn't really have a first one since she turned down my dinner invite.
Whatever...
I'll settle for resuming our jogging meet-ups and see if things can develop from there. The best I can hope for is she sees me for who I am, the way nature intended.
Excellent writing and good story, as always, maestro. The quest for eternal youth has seduced everyone, in every age. O. Wilde already did it with The Portrait of Dorian Gray, in which we realize the aberrant things one can do to maintain youth and freshness. Likewise, you expose a very interesting subject and that in some cultures is already normalized: relationships between mature men and young women. I can confess that when I was 24 years old I had a partner of 45 and there is, without a doubt, a transfer of experience that cannot be achieved with a 25 year old. A woman is not only looking for beauty in a man, but also the security he can transmit, the chivalry, the maturity, the security. In short... It was a pleasure to read you.
PS: I'm letting all my friends and contacts know that my previous account was hacked. This is my new account. Greetings
Thank you, Nancy. What an excellent response! You always have a thoughtful and insightful comment. Sorry to hear about your account being hacked. I followed this new one :)
Dear @johnjgeddes,
May I ask you to review and support the Dev Marketing Proposal (https://peakd.com/me/proposals/232) we presented on Conference Day 1 at HiveFest?
The campaign aims to onboard new application developers to grow our ecosystem. If you missed the presentation, you can watch it on YouTube.
You cast your vote for the proposal on Peakd, Ecency, or using HiveSigner.
Thank you!
I'll take a look
Thank you, looking forward to getting your support for the proposal ⏳🙂