So, sometimes I try to be fine, I know I cannot have that, so I just try to be ok not Okay but then a big thing comes again and threatens my soul, dark from too much suffering inflicted by self and others.
People always say forgiveness is not for others but for yourself, forgiveness is not as easy as everyone demands or as everyone thinks.
So sometimes, I try to be good, yet I snap, yet I fail, that big thing comes and tells me it's okay to be a monster, it's okay to do things and leave the spot feeling heartless... I fall for it like a sad cat.
So sometimes, fear makes for me a garment of rich beautiful awesome colours. I put it on like the troubled queen that something tells me I am in my head.
But sometimes it is not my red eyes that scares me, it is not the unwanted thoughts in my head that sends me shivering under my brown rusty blanket, but rather the ugly and terrifying pictures you have of me in your head.
In your head, you have place a million woes on me, you have wished me dead even if you took the thoughts back, in your head, you have stabbed my eyes, my trembling lips, my palpitating heart.
So every now and then I fall into a sad sleep, I wake into a teary sleep, I fall back into a confused sleep, I find myself on a pink bed of anguish.
Tonight, let my bed be damp.
Tonight let me be a fallen queen.
Tonight let me loose my mind.
Tonight let me scream into my pillow
Let me hit the walls, till it hurts.
Let me hum bleeding lyrics
Let me rock sadness and hump solitude.
Now, let me sleep and wake anew...
Let the tears dry on my pale cheeks...
But when dawn comes, there Must be another story to tell.
One that would live happily ever after in our healing hearts.
For in my dream, there will be blue streams, blue skies, red roses, laughter..... Laughter... Laughter and everything would make sense...
Nice post