A friend of mine has car fever.
Less than a year after he downsized from a luxury SUV to a decent sedan.
While he hasn't bought anything yet, I still find it interesting at how we can come to the realization that what we have been doing has been unhelpful (like putting a lot of worth into a car that drives us around from home to the office), and then not too long after, forget the realization and fall back into the same habits.
Habits are hard to break, and belief systems are habitual.
We learn what we believe in the same way we learn everything, through a process of nature and nurture. We are predisposed to some patterns of thought and action, and we are also influenced by our surroundings through experience and culture. And then because we have learned them, practiced them and reinforced them, our beliefs feel like they are part of us, as if we can't do without them and if we change them, we lose ourself - even the defeatist beliefs and the ones that hold us back in life.
And, what I think is worth exploring is that a lot of our beliefs are built when we are children, which means they are developed in an inexperienced and immature mind. While some of these will change over time, we also tend to hold onto a lot of these beliefs in some form, even though our experience might inform us differently. For instance, many children believe they will never like someone from the opposite sex, like my daughter says, "boys are loud and messy" - so she doesn't want them to visit.
Fine by me.
But then there are other beliefs that affect our life, but don't necessarily get reviewed often to see how they impact and whether they are still valid. For instance, a lot of men are car enthusiasts and have been since they were boys. However, for most of us, the cars that are within our reach are not overly different, nor are they overly special. Every "normal" brand tends to create a car that is in a range that is similar to other brands, so then people will make choices on cars over quite slight differences in looks, performance, comfort, and features. And then, because we have sunk our attention into it, we overvalue the differences, and might even think that other people care about these differences too.
And, while it might not be on a car, as we do tend to judge others and compare ourselves to them, we all do this in some way, whether it be on looks, clothing, income, job, or skill of some sort. There are a myriad points of comparison, and while many of them are actually irrelevant in the grand scheme, a lot of them bring an individual a sense of identity. So, some people believe that the car they drive is an expression of themselves, in the same way that some people believe their hairstyle, or the job they have indicates what kind of person they are.
And yes, there are people who believe they have "signature hairstyles".
I was talking about a belief that holds me back in many ways, but of course I also tie some of my identity to that belief. I think that being a minimizer, that surviving, that being prepared for the worst, is something that gives me value, that makes me relevant, that for some reason, is something to be proud of.
How silly.
But, all beliefs that don't serve our purpose are silly, aren't they? After all, if we are going to go to the effort to make meaning in our life, to live with purpose, we should ensure that our behaviors are aligned with our goals. And, behaviors are general built on the back of our belief system.
Beliefs shouldn't be confused for knowledge though, because knowing something doesn't make it a belief. For instance, I know what I should eat and do in order to be healthier, yet for some reason, I struggle to create the behaviors for doing just that. It isn't that I don't want the outcomes, but for whatever reason, I have belief roadblocks that are getting in the way of achieving them. It could be for instance that I use food for comfort, or to fill some other void in my life. It could be that I hold beliefs in the way I should spend my time, which gets in the way of the things I "should" be doing.
I got called out on saying "should" the other day.
It shows a lack of commitment. But it isn't just that, as I have introduced them into my vernacular because I believe I sounded too committed at times. In a world where nothing is certain, speaking at high levels with certainty is going to end in failure. And I believe that failing to allow for the dynamic random world, is a bad thing. Yet, I know a lot of people who do not allow for random at all, and they believe everything is in their control, and they do well. And, I think that this is possible because it means taking more responsibility for personal actions, believing that they are within our control.
If our belief systems dictate our general behavior, and our general behavior is our process, we should make sure that we have a good process, because good process provides the best chance of good outcomes. So this means that we should be exploring our belief systems often, reviewing our purpose, and then adjusting to make sure things are in alignment, instead of conflicted.
For example, my friend wants to ensure that he has a good financial position, yet whenever he has a bit of money burning a hole in his pocket, he will spend it on a consumable of some sort, that diminishes in value. The only way to spend your way into wealth, is to spend on investments into wealth generating possibility.
Does a car do that?
Very unlikely, however it might be that the social value gained from driving a nicer car will bring additional financial value, though I think that in most cases, that is pretty dubious too. Though, for a racing car driver, it is a necessity to get the results that lead to higher earnings and sponsorship. I am not a racing driver - no one cares what I drive except me.
And, I think that this is how it is with a lot of beliefs. No one cares about the beliefs of others, until those beliefs encroach onto the space of our own. And then, because people build their identity around their beliefs, they also feel attacked when someone else's is conflict, or makes them question the belief system, because it opens up the possibility for being wrong. And, because of that attachment of belief to identity, it isn't the belief that is wrong, it is the person who is wrong.
We can change our beliefs.
We can't change who we are.
We can change what we do.
We can never be someone else.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
My wife and I spend quite a bit of time in our cars each year given our commute to work and the amount of travel we do via camping. With that in mind, I prefer to splurge a little on finishes and features that are going to make our ride more comfortable and enjoyable. That being said, I have never purchased a brand new vehicle. I usually always look for low mileage newer model year used vehicles. There are some real steals out there!
Buying new is silly in most cases, though I am unsure how it works for EVs, or how to check if an EV is okay.
I have never had an overly fancy car, and have more worried about reliability as I needed it for work.
As some people point out though, when you buy used you are buying other people's problems. I've never quite noticed that before, but I can appreciate the logic.
I have bought mostly used cars, but as long as checking them okay prior, there hasn't been any major issues. However, I have no idea how to check an EV.
I don't either!
I would love to get a nice car - not even a luxury car but one that I want to drive. A good manual transmission, which is sadly less common these days but also a good indicator it will not be stolen LOL, but I remember that it’s not a good financial decision right now. We could certainly afford it but it goes back to having self control and do we need it? No. I know that there’s a lot of things that people should do and certainly fall into that myself. When I go work at my side jobs, I know I should skip getting a donut on the way to work but they are a little treat for having to work extra.
I think it’s that we have to have areas we are willing to bend our discipline in and areas we aren’t. Many of us are willing to bend it on the food front while others bend it on the expensive front like a car.
I never thought about this! Imagine the thief bunny-hopping it down the road, crunching gears. :D
I should at least skip the second donut...
It is sometimes surprising where people will scrimp and save, and then they will splurge, isn't it? Save 10 cents on butter, spend an extra 10K on a car.
We are programmed from childhood to learn to do what others want us to do, whether it is from our parents, schools or our social environment. You cannot live without beliefs because belief is the main mode of knowledge in our society. But I believe we are ourselves when we begin to question everything, even those beliefs we defend to the death.
And then we are told to do what makes us happy, without question, so we end up forgetting what we need to do, only doing what we want to do. Then, when we finally do question it, it might be too late.
Then we are condemned to be the sheep of others.
We cannot change our intrinsic nature, but we do have the ability to modify our actions and behaviors, which can positively influence our lives and the lives of the people around us, so it is very important to focus on being the best version of ourselves. ourselves, maintaining coherence between what we believe, what we do and who we essentially are.
I wonder how many people believe the best version of themselves is to only think of themselves?
very good question @tarazkp, thinking only of yourself is rather selfish and as I believe, when we talk about the best version of ourselves, we refer to that personality that is most beneficial both for us and for others.
There are so many beliefs that we’ve got right from small and even though we are being convinced about the right thing, we still stick to it. It depends on our surroundings and age range. What older people belief in is white different from what my age range will believe in. The world changes everyday
Old and young might believe in different things, but I wonder which leads to a better life experience overall?
The more we get aged the more it becomes difficult to break them.
Maybe because the less we can imagine ourselves without them.
I had to reread this post, because it also spoke to me, we must all care and respect others beliefs. Thank You sir for sharing this Exquisite write up
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Don’t have the belief, hate the person. He can discard it and pick up another at the drop of a hat.
For this reason I give more attention to what is said than who is saying it.
Sounds healthy...
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Maybe it's because I am not in a good financial situation that I don't see the point in purchasing things like cars that just bleed money. I don't have kids so I can make do with public transportation. I can see why cars can be necessary, but I wouldn't buy it for how nice it is. I would look for the safest option though.