I was out last night with my cousin, and he mentioned how sick he is of meeting new people, since all new interactions will inevitably require some of those "getting to know each other" platitudes and bland, tasteless conversations: what do you do, do you like it, where do you go to school, etc.
And I got to thinking about that, since I'm just the same. I have very little patience for general chit-chat, and tend to lose interest quickly. Though I don't always cut someone off immediately. I have thing thing I do, where I'll go into auto-pilot, and talk to someone without really being there, and once you've gone into that phase, it's very difficult for me to regard you as an interesting person that I'd like to know better.
And I'm sure there are others like this, so why do we bother with these filler conversations, to begin with?
By society's standards, it's considered rude to forego them, but by our own personal ones, it seems nothing short of desirable. We live out our lives as social creatures following certain steps. Certain questions are considered rude or inappropriate when we don't know someone well enough, since they might not want to share such details with us. And yet... you don't truly care about someone's job, star sign, or any of those other template questions that we've devised for meeting new people. You want to see if there is compatibility on a deeper level, because it's that deeper connection that can sustain a relationship when minor differences arise. So why not cut straight to the chase and ask the uncomfortable questions? So as not to offend? But if they get offended, are they really a person you'd be compatible with, in the first place?
Another issue, I feel, is that we live in a fast-paced society, and it's getting faster by the minute. If fifty years ago, you could spend weeks getting to know someone without getting bored, now you can't afford that luxury, or at least, you think you can't afford that luxury.
We are constantly exposed to new people. In the real world. On social media. Through dating apps. Here, on the blockchain. We no longer have those few weeks to spare on every single person that crosses our path, which I think explains the very short patience levels people seem to have.
I remember some years ago talking to someone here, commenting how people in the real world don't hold a candle to people on the blockchain. And I remember one of the key arguments was that, on the blockchain, you talk about interesting, actually meaningful things, whereas in the real world, you do not. And we assume that this makes the people here vastly more interesting than the people out there.
But what if that's not the case? Here, we've dispersed with all the bland pleasantries and are cutting straight to the chase, practically forcing the matters that weigh most heavily on our minds out there, and getting specific answers that address our most pressing questions.
But that's because we've phrased the question differently, and are talking about real, important issues (at least for us). Perhaps if you were to meet that exciting, interesting person on Hive (the one you have all those great talks with) in the real world, your conversation would get bogged down by filler cliches, and you'd dismiss them as not interesting. The same person.
So maybe then it's not them, but us. If we've found a strategy that works here, on the blockchain, why aren't we implementing it IRL when meeting new people? Because we're afraid they'll misunderstand, get offended, or judge us. Yes, but why don't we harbor the same fears in regards to strangers on the blockchain? Precisely because it's not real life, and we are, as ever, protected behind our keyboard, so that no strangers here will be able to truly and substantially judge or reject us.
So is that worth a lifetime of dull conversation? Or should we just skip the small talk and discuss the things that truly matter while they still do?
I certainly agree with you on the fact that we live in a "hustle" society, where the only thing that defines your worth is how hard you work every single day. I also agree with you on the fact that small-talk is boring and should be foregone with. However, don't you think that you need to start somewhere and not go from 0 to a 100 after a minute of meeting the person?
I think that to reach the point where you're okay to share your deepest thoughts with someone takes quite a lot of time and while I hate it when things move slow (as I'm a hustler of sorts myself), I want to build a base before climbing higher. I don't want a ladder that only has steps on top of it (as there is no way for me to get up there). What do you think?
I agree, I mean that's what ultimately keeps us coming back and investing in "dull" conversation - the hope that there will be something deeper and more meaningful to be had from that relationship. And yes, definitely, you can't sit next to someone, and start talking about the deep, meaty subjects right off the bat, without first establishing some common ground through chit-chat. It's a shame, though, that many interactions don't go further than that chit chat. Thank you for your comment!
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Thanks! :)
Interesting insights as always. For me I always try to 'stay in' the conversations involving new people but I'll be the first to admit that more often than naught, they don't lead anywhere. Maybe it's a combination of our refusal to ask and people's refusal to open up.
"Refusal to ask", there's an interesting way to put it. It hadn't occurred to me that perhaps we're just as guilty, since we don't really want the responsibility that comes with this deeper territory. Thank you!
Do you dance? Or like dancing to the music?
I made the experience that I got to know someone pretty good through seeing how he danced and moved to the music. But then, we didn't talk that much anyways when we were young. Clubbing and celebrating the weekends meant exactly that: a minimum of words and a maximum of fun. :D
Apologies for my not so serious response. I quite liked your thoughts.
I love dancing, actually. I'm not a good dancer, but I dance any chance I get. And yes, you can definitely get to know someone through the way they dance, more so than through conversation, since you get to see them more unhinged, more honest. Well, sometimes. In my limited clubbing experience, nowadays most people seem to mimic the same set of movements, so as to not stand out. But yes, that's a great way to learn things about another person :) Thank you.
Very welcome :) and of course, people can do their dance in a more strategic than open and self enjoying way. But then, you'll sense that, too. My best encounters were when I was so happy with dancing that others joined in and put all their pleasure into it, too. So we got to know each other by non verbal communication. There was a field of connection which is hard to describe.