I’ve had so much going on for the last few months. Life shifting changes... moving 1,600 miles away from Tennessee to Puerto Rico, leaving loved ones behind, studying a new language (very humbling), the thousands of little decisions involved in building our dream home here in Puerto Rico, etc etc. This all sounds thrilling and exciting, and it is! 😃 But this many radical changes will also often bring up any issues from down in the psyche that you thought had been resolved, or hell, that you weren’t even aware were in there until you turned your life upside down and shook everything up. When I get triggered I often write it out to sort through and find truth. But hell, lately I start to process and dig in to 1 issue and then another will pop up before I have resolved the 1st issue.
As a result I’ve probably posted less in the last few months than I did before the move. But trust me, I’m working through it. I have to. It’s how I find clarity and sanity. Ever cleaning my lense...
The main themes that keep popping up for me are SELF IDENTITY and the concept of REALITY. In other words “who are you? How do you know? And, are you sure?”
For example, I’ve lived my whole life as an adult who likes to bask in color. My home has Always been painted colorfully, an abundance of eclectic furnishings, even my clothes and jewelry were often ornamental or bohemian. At our old home in TN there was not a grey or white wall anywhere in my life. But here in PR, in the dream house that we are remodeling from the ground up...guess what? We have chosen to go all grey, white, modern, and minimalist. We have a mantra for the design process of our new home & life here, and it is:
Simple. Sexy. Secure.
And I like it! It’s fun starting afresh, going with a different style, and for once keeping things really simple and uncluttered. I’m finding a less cluttered house supports a less cluttered mind and life. 🧠🙌🏽
But then I tell my family members about this new style we are going with and they reply, “but that’s not you.”
Well who is ME and who gets to decide that? How does this concept of “who we be” happen in the first place? To me it’s a mixture of my hard wiring, my nature, my dharma, my purpose for being and a bunch of other shit that accumulated like a nasty crusty protective layer over my core dharma fruit. So lately I’m going though the process of peeling that external layer that has built up over a lifetime deciphering what’s true and worth keeping, and what’s a false concept based on fears and seeking safety.
You don’t have to stay the same as you always were. You don’t have to maintain who people think you are just for their comfort.
This is our task in life 👉🏽 Figure out who you really are. Peel off your exterior layers based on shoulds and fears, and then go be core essence YOU with all your heart.
(Photos of me/photographer credit @sean-king 🙌🏽🙏🏽💋)
"I’m finding a less cluttered house supports a less cluttered mind and life."
TRUE and crucial for me to maintain balance.
Something I have done lately to declutter a lot of mind space: WRITE my complex plans out instead of storing it in my head where I am thinking about it over and over again. I have been writing out A LOT of strategy, plans etc.on paper recently and it just makes the whole planning-my-life process simple, sexy and secure.
A lot of mindspace has gotten decluttered, which removed the blockage of paralysis by indecision, allowing me to take action with ease.
Me too, sister. Write, write, write... sometimes troubles or inspiration strike me unexpectedly, but other times there is a known catalyst to spur my thinking and need to write it out. Like practicing yoga asana or taking a jog... I leave time open and unscheduled after those activities KNOWING I’ll have tons of things to write about as a result of those actions.
So glad you find writing things out helpful to organize your thoughts as well. It’s reflected in your blog. I really enjoy your page and follow you.
Everything is natural. It's not your style that's changed. Just you recognize yourself, are cleaned of superfluous and unnecessary. If before you needed were things, to show themselves, then now you enough only themselves. Things are not us, they are not an indicator of Who we are. Things are just things. And when you're busy doing something more important, more global, and you don't need so many things around you anymore. I think it's a good sign, your new choice, it means you're going the right way.
Thank you my lovely friend. I don’t mean to imply we are going without or buying a tiny home. We are buying tons of stuff setting up our new space, it’s just a very different style and can make one ask “is this me?” And then begin to ponder, “well, who and what is ME anyways...? 🤔”
I admire your courage to move and completely turn your life upside down. Many of us don't have that courage. Sadly.
I have absolutely no regrets about making the decision to shake things up and move. But it is a Lot of work and it has roused old demons like identity that I didn’t even know were in there. Thanks for your comment and support ✌🏾
Fundamental questions to ask oneself. Though, probably one in a million finds the true answer. That which is beyond any concept, name, title and form, but gives life to all of them might be the answer.
Truth ☝🏼Ultimately I know there is no “me.” I get that. I’m just refining and clarifying my ego operating system through which I’m experiencing this thing called life right now. Hugs to “you” 😉
A major move like this is quite a challenge, as I have told you from my own experience... and I have moved many times. Only twice across the Atlantic though. Once in each direction and that was quite enough for me!
But like you point out, it always comes with the chance of a fresh start and one can try new things. Having it done so many times, a lot of things have become unimportant for me though. Even trying to understand things and people, including myself.
Why not just be!
Compliments as always to model and photographer!
I know Reinhard. You are so kind and supportive of me. 🙏🏽 And you also, ever so kindly, drop me subtle hints to just let go of all of this examination of my angst and just - be happy!. Thank you for those hints and reminders. You do help me check in with myself, “am I just focusing on the negative?🤔 Can’t I just be happy as is?”
I am honestly incredibly happy with my life. And I am working towards sharing more of what’s going well for me (like the Clara Mother’s Day post). But I see one of my purposes in life to be so open and honest about my own joys, sorrows, and angsty inner workings that I just might spark another person to start looking into their own inner dialogues and suss out a little more truth. Embracing the whole truth, the good, the bad, and the angsty, is my experience of true happiness.
Hugs and gratitudes
So glad you don't mind my little... how should I call it... encouragements? Its just my more European view of life I guess, and I'm far from calling that perfect. Actually, it was in the US where I first saw this "organized" thrive for perfection... A very modern way of analyzing and improving based on measurable results. Makes Europeans look like sloppy amateurs... well, finding a balance of heart and mind, might be a good goal.
I'm on my way out the door to "my kids" (don't know if you read my post about "working with "my" Kids on a Bargue Plate") They teach me quite a bit in return on how to deal with things. On top of that, I recently read a lot about the mind of animals. New research points into a direction, that they "think" a lot more than science granted them so far. Now I find myself trying to perceive my surroundings like a cat or dog... of course my nose is totally insufficient, but I try to look and listen without words in my head... liberating!
Alrighty, sorry, gotta go. Talk to you soon!
Follow your gut and the right will come out. Maybe you just need to change a bit, a waking up of sort to moving into your next stage of existence. ENJOY it 💯🐒
I realllllly need to take care of this! I sell stuff online. Like, I have a vintage clothing store on etsy. My entire home is storage for my online business. It's crazy here, and I always feel overwhelmed. Excited to make money here on Steemit and move that shit out so I can be free.
That would feel overwhelming. Good luck moving forward :)